Five ingredient exploding tastebud technique for Troppo #3… Baked beans

I don’t know how it works for the rest of the civilized world, but starting a new job as a head chef is plenty time consuming. There are menus to be written, recipe cards to be measured and weighed, new staff to work out and quite possibly the odd flogging to be administered… and all the beer you have to drink to deal with all the additional stress… and the strange looks and constant mockery when you let it slip that you’re into ethnic carnie midget sex. I just must keep my mouth closed sometimes…

Rant done. Time it short at the moment is possibly the point I was trying to get across. Hence the lack of posting… but not today.

I’ve mowed the lawns, cleaned my car and now it’s just starting seriously pissing down rain (which is quite lucky because since the floods this year there are sea creatures in our backyard whose skin was starting to look a little dry. Sarcasm is a pretty high form of wit where I’m from) so I am going to get another post or two done while I have this time, in a sure fire and steadfast fashion… even though I do not know what that means.

The pool is full, the garden is watered, but the washing alas, did not stand a chance
The pool is full, the garden is watered, but the washing alas, did not stand a chance

I’m sure I’ve posted a baked beans recipe previously and I have noticed that I have so you can find that here. But if I had to break it down to the five lowest common denominators it would be thus… beans, tomatoes, onion, pork product and herbs. You’ve got everything you need in the cupboard. Rock and roll!

Get these things out of your cupboard and or fridge. Except the novelty moustache mug. You probably didn't get one of those
Get these things out of your cupboard and or fridge. Except the novelty moustache mug. You probably didn’t get one of those
Ready for the fire
Ready for the fire

SIMPLE BAKED BEANS FOR A COMPLEX WORLD

2 tins cannellini beans. Mine even came with a recipe that contained only five ingredients just to stick with the theme of this little segment. Winning or what?

2 tins crushed tomatoes. Or 1 tin of tomatoes and a handful of cherry tomatoes from your garden

a handful of salami, prosciutto, bacon, ham… whatever smoked or cured pork product you can get your grubby little hands on. Unless you are carnival folk in which case you will need to use your grubby little hooves

1 brown onion, diced

a sprig of rosemary or thyme or both or some dried oregano or dried mixed herbs… are you getting the picture

seasoning

I also had a few “optional extra” ingredients that didn’t quite fit into the top five. In no particular order they were some Japanese peppers, parmesan cheese, a novelty moustache mug that Jennee bought me, a fire and a camp oven because, as has been said before on these pages, good things start with fire. Unless of course your foxhole is getting flushed out with a flame thrower, in which case you should stop reading this and get the fuck out of there. Seriously, you should be more alert than that.

  • Sweat off your onion and pork product until onions a soft and smelling porky
  • Add everything else, put the lid on the camp oven and cover with a few coals to get that camp oven goodness effect (in lieu of a camp oven and a fire, at this time you may put the beans into the oven at 180-200C)
  • Bake for 45 minutes while you sit around the fire talking about how good it would be if you could have a sneaky beer right now
  • Smell the goodness? Trust your nose, it’s telling you the time has come
  • Dish it up, add a handful of parmesan cheese and a good splash of olive oil and eat it in your face!

These are clearly the goods for camp breakfast too. Crack a couple of eggs in at the end and cover for another two minutes and glory be. Awesome baked beans for breakfast and wide open spaces for you to be flatulent in…

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