I’m thinking it’s Monday and believe me, that’s not because I am truly in touch with the sun, the moon, the earth and all of my surroundings. No, my astutely tuned powers of observation have realised their full potential through print media, reality TV shows and the worldwideweb.com. So now, with this newfound knowledge coupled with another cracking fact this media world has let me in on; a lot of people in the world don’t like Mondays (Fact. It is hard for them in all the places life should be easy, and then soft for them in the one place it’s meant to be hard), I have decided that I shall offer a recipe that is both simple and tasty… just like the junior prom queen. Made for a Monday one might say. A little something that ticks all of the boxes for a quick and easy meal in amongst the turmoil that is getting home from work, kids yelling in your face, carnies tugging on your shirt and all the other stuff that adds up to equate to you not having the time to cook.

Quick and easy eating

Whatever.

Everyone has the time to cook. It’s all about how much time you have and how wisely you spend it. Hey, you may think I’m getting up on my soap box here and you know what? Maybe I am. It’s my soap box and I’ll do what I want with it ok? Yeah. I’m the boss of me… And the two wage slave kids I have making kilts in the basement. Story for another time? Most likely…

Sure. Sometimes it may just be about getting food on the table… But it should never really be about just getting food on the table. And yes, I know what I did there.

How many non-consecutive paragraphs can I fit in this post? Let’s see…

Now I should decide on an actual recipe to offer you because, to be absolutely honest with you (yeah I finally feel comfortable enough with our relationship to be fully honest with you now), I kinda just started writing this story on a wing and a prayer.

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Pizza. Yeah pizza. Pizza is easy eating (who said it had to be Friday food? Satan worshipers, that’s who). All you need is something as minimal as cheese to top it, and a few pre-rolled bases in the freezer… and now you are met with a fork in the road; the high path, if chosen, is one of glory, gospel singing and holy angels dancing and generally having a good time. This road is paved with glorious things that I can’t remember right now. But they are there! Yes, this is the road of the home made pizza base. Made with love and born from your own loins, capable of giving breath to the dead and sight to the old blind man (who shall only have it taken from him again in a heartbeat because of his compulsive feverish masturbation addiction). This high road is of course countered by an equal and opposite low road. A goat track filled with potholes, and sellers of Mexican hats and weird little trinkets who descend on you at every set of traffic lights. And there are lots of traffic lights. It is also very dark and it rains a lot. Yes my friends, this is the un-holy goat track of the super market freezer section, death-to-any-idea-that-these-products-once-were-food frozen pizza bases.

So take from that paragraph of more absolute bollocks what you will… here is the recipe for my pizza.

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MY PIZZA with bacon, anchovies and capers

This is kind of a take on the puttanesca flavours that I know and love so dearly, but I (being the fully smart person that I am) have used kick ass smokey bacon instead of olives. Genius. There are no actual quantities not because I am being lazy (well, maybe just a little bit), but because it really depends on how mu you like these things and how piled with toppings you like your pizza to be (it should be noted that I prefer a minimally topped pizza… but you need the base to be the star if that’s how you’re going to roll…)

Pizza base/s

Tomato passata or paste or leftover pasta sauce, something tomato-y

Bacon

Anchovies

Capers

Provolone cheese

Fresh herbs and olive oil to dress

  • Pre heat your oven to really effing hot. The hotter the better.
  • Sort out your pizza.  I like to put the tomato sauce on first, then cheese, then the rest
  • Get it in the really hot oven for 15 or so minutes
  • Garnish with fresh herbs and olive oil
  • Eat it in your face!
  • That’s it. Now Monday is done! Night night