my friend Troppo (yes that is his actual name) recently asked me about the difference between red and white meat. I googled that shit and came up with an answer, but the one that follows is both heaps better and heaps more effed up. They are the words of my father-in-law Dr. Chris. Or, Doktr Chris as he likes to be known. I’m pretty sure he was a vet. G

White meat ?…..Red meat ?  by Doktr Chris

Born on December 14th, year unknown, the legend claims that Doktr Chris was raised by a she-wolf in a cave at the base of Mt Everest.

After being expelled by his tribe at the tender age of 3, he made his way to the coast with nothing but a moustache and a winning smile to get him by.

He still thought of himself as a wolf and so knew everything about white meat & red meat, because the animals he caught to eat were like chooks & fish & their meat was white. As he grew older he became faster & could catch fast moving animals, which incidentally had red meat.

Eventually curiosity got the better of him & he learnt to read & looked up Wikipedia to sought this puzzle out.

There he discovered the word…myoglobin. This is a pigment full of oxygen which is in the muscles of fast moving animals. That’s why their meat is red!

Eventually the Doktr moved towards the coast and accidentally met a white meat animal called Graeme. After a while he decided not to eat Graeme & instead sanctioned marriage between Graeme & the Doktr’s daughter Jen, and everyone lived happily ever after.