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Getting to a place like Vietnam will oftentimes require some length of time in the modern miracle know as the airplane (or a ridiculously long amount of time in a boat, but we’re sticking with the flight for now), and is indeed where our journey begun.

We were up at 3am to brush our teeth, powder our noses and generally just get our shit together… fair enough… I guess. But only because that was the time we were required to be up to get our asses on the plane to Vietnam. Smiley faces all up in this piece. Slightly strained early morning smiles, but smiles nonetheless. I can imagine though, that had we not been leaving for Vietnam, the family may have been sporting the upside down smile of the mostly unhappy person.

My special imagination brain also encouraged me to believe that the sexual union, consensual or otherwise, of the rhinoceros and the pony, along with a handful of sparkle dust, would spawn the baby unicorn.

Back to the ever-elusive point.

As I sit in the departure lounge at the Brisbane airport I watch the people. I find something strangely humorous in watching them scurry by, blurry eyed and walking as though they are still wearing their pajamas and slippers. Week, helpless and disheveled.

Well, I guess it is 4am.

This is a good time to be at an airport. The queues are smaller and the… well, just the smaller queues is what it is about for me.

Now fast forward 12 hours.

I am beginning to resemble one of those zombie people from this morning. I feel like I have been hit about the head with a large stick – one with big knobby bits on it. I know what Tyler Durden was talking about in Fight Club, I start to truly appreciate his pain and it makes me contemplate the thought of hitting people around the head and destroying large buildings too.

The peeps that work at airports must get asked some damn stupid questions by unslept folks like me. It would make them question the human race for sure.

Anyway, we played a game of get on some planes, get off some planes and eventually we land on Vietnamese soil… or tarmac… where we are met by our ride. Which leads me to mention something of the driving I have witnessed so far;

•Every single person I saw driving any kind of vehicle in Hanoi was on the same performance enhancing gear as the last. These guys drive like they all want to be the next big thing to hit the amateur racing circuit, or there are no speed cameras or cops in Vietnam, or possibly a combination of all three… Plus they appear paranoid that there is a car trailing us – the black Toyota three cars back to the left

•If in doubt, use your horn. Also if you are driving through a crowd, use your horn. If you are driving a bus, use your horn. Actually, if whatever it is you are driving has a horn, you need to use it… often. It’s like the scooters and cars are conversing. If Hanoi was a musical the horn would be the soundtrack

•I don’t know if I was maybe just being a bit of a fraidy cat but I have to be honest; I did start to freak just a little bit when the driver put a DVD on… for himself to watch… while driving

•Obeying a red light seems to be more of a concept or guideline than an actual rule/law

•Road rules in general seem to be variable at best, but in the chaos it is possible to find order, systems and some kind of barbecued or fried pork product on every street corner and down every alleyway, so that pretty much makes everything OK.


Now I venture into the unknown. An unknown country, language and culture (except what I’ve seen on food docos). I am rocking the truly ignorant white man styles and hoping my nose will lead the way…






18 comments on “Getting to Vietnam

  1. cheergerm says:

    Road chaos can surely be accomodated if the food is as awesome as your Instagram photos show it to be. Jelly much? Oh hell yeah I am! Keep having a tonne of fun Mr Food and Family.

    1. Oui chef Mrs Cheer! 👌😜
      I’m glad you commented on that because I wasnt sure it would work – dodgey assed wifi out here. Clearly did though 👍

      1. cheergerm says:

        I did get an email but it didn’t show in my WP reader, fyi. Probably just a vagary of WP, I know I have had that happen before. Carry on eating!

  2. So what was on the DVD 🙂

    1. Not sure. Looked like something local, b grade and from the eighties 😜

  3. Mr Fitz says:

    Keep that blacked out car at a distance…

    1. Bahaha. They’ve seen ya 😜

  4. have a nice trip ther my friend!!
    don’t forget your diarrhea pill and active carbon absorbent pills, trust me, you’ll gonna need it there lol

    1. Hahaha. Cheers mate, we’re on it! 😜

  5. Dana Fashina says:

    I love your instagram posts on your adventures!
    You crack me the hell up yet make me incredibly jealous.
    Like, I want some of that food too G, what the hell….

    1. You need this food. You deserve this food!!
      You should see the ridiculously fresh and inexpensive seafood we have been eating this week. Oh my dear good lord…

  6. Ginger says:

    You make me want to get myself organised with the whole instagram stuff … the terror of social media is going to get me …. now

    1. I think instagram is the way to go – take a pic… hashtag some shit… what could be simpler?
      Get on it! 👌😜

      1. Ginger says:

        You haven’t seen my phone … I’m not allowed to take it out in public when my children are within 20 yards’ distance … needless to say, it doesn’t do instagam

  7. laurasmess says:

    I have been seriously loving your travel posts. Amazing adventures. I’ve never had much luck travelling in Asia (with uh, diarrhoea and all that) so I live vicariously through other peoples photos these days!!! Haha… Love your observations. Hope that white man shit has served you well my friend (seems like it has!)

  8. LFFL says:

    Awesome to travel like that!

    1. Heck yes! It was a cracker for sure 👍

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