This is a story about a little cucumber and chilli salad I have been making of late. This salad prompted more than 1 person to question its origins and even tentatively ask me to jot down a recipe for them.

Firstly, I’m sorry but this is not a very good story.

Secondly, if you would like a recipe from me I am truly happily to give it to you but I think you can probably write it down for yourself. If you really want it, that is. Of course if you cannot write you could wait patiently for me to add the recipe to the ever-growing gut of foodisthebestshitever.

Thirdly, this recipe is simple. Really simple. Back hills inbred cousin simple. Kind of like it’s not really a recipe – more like me just talking (typey key talking that is) about a cucumber salad I made one time.

Here we go. Brace yourself.

CHILLI CUCUMBER SALAD

1-2 Lebanese cucumbers
1 tablespoon Tripitaka* crispy chilli oil

Halve or quarter cucumbers along the length.
Deseed.
Slice into 1 cm pieces.
Mix cucumber with chilli oil.
Allow to stand for at least 5 minutes.
Eat it.
We put it on the table with BBQ, an Asian feast, curry night, whole grilled fish, hotdogs, bao buns, bahn mi, poke type rice bowls and whatever else your brain tells you to put it with.

*the sexuality of the person used in the logo of this chilli oil is hard to ascertain, much like the character of priest Tripitaka from the 1980s series “Monkey Magic”, hence it scoring the nickname of Tripitaka.