Salad for people that don’t like salad

I’m with you people, salad just doesn’t sound appealing its like de-caf coffee or clothes shopping with your girl, as in it just sounds shit from the get go, it may turn out to be alright but you’ll never know because you made up a lie about helping under privileged Jewish children (if there is such a thing)

But this isn’t to say I don’t eat salad I just don’t eat other peoples poor attempts of so called salads, some manky lettuce and cucumber, thickly sliced onions and half a wheelbarrow of dressing that was made early on Tuesday in 1987. But its actually not just Graeme and myself that make good salads I hear there is a guy called Dave that lives in Bulgaria making some pretty good stuff, but he sleeps with goats, and by sleeps I mean uses as a goat version of Punch and Judy if you know what I’m saying? No? Good well then lets just leave it….

So for all you rugged blokes out there that say “only gays eat salad” and “you can’t make friends with salad” I say you are one narrow minded homophobic red neck that has never eaten my ‘Peking duck salad’ and what’s more have you ever seen an unfit gay man sitting alone in a café? Hell no they are all uber fit and have shit loads of friends (I like to pigeon hole people… no that definitely is not a sexual move! Well it most likely is but I didn’t mean it in that context)

What I like to do with salads is to start with my super ingredient and that is anything you really like, from Portuguese roast chicken to Anchovy stuffed olives… now all you have to do is add a few ingredients to make a little bed for your super ingredient to sit on.

1. Pick super ingredient, chicken, Peking duck, haloumi, meatballs, squid etc.
2. Pick a filler i.e. lettuce, spinach, quinoa, cous cous, pasta, rice, noodles etc.
3. Pick two more ingredients that you feel go well with the SE, ie. Red onions, cherry toms, olives, pineapple, bacon, feta etc.
4. Pick one ingredient that is crunchy and has texture ie. Nuts, croutons, crispy bacon, glass (just checking if your still reading, please don’t use glass)
5. Dress the mo fo

Let me harp on about dressing for a second, the dressing can make or break any dish, but that doesn’t mean it has to take 5 hours and a crew of Tibetan elves to make the holier than thou dressing. It could be just a simple squeeze of lemon juice that works best or the left over juices from the meat you just cooked. It might be a nip of your favourite spirit shaken up with oil and seasoning that works best. Try it out and you’ll see that dressings take 2 seconds and are the catalyst for a flavorful salad.

I have given you my Peking duck salad recipe today and it is without a doubt my favourite salad to eat, it is everything I just explained, it’s simple, it’s manly, it’s packed full of flavour and its like a duck out of china town… off its tits.

Peking duck salad
• 1 peking duck stripped of all meat and shredded
• 1 red onion sliced
• 1 cup of mint finely sliced
• 2 long red chillies julienned (fine strips)
• ½ cup almonds (or any nut you want)
• 1 large pear, cored and finely sliced
• 5 handfuls of mixed lettuce
• Hoisin dressing (1/3 hoisin, 1/3 honey, 1/3 water)

Place the shredded duck on an oven tray and place nuts on it, coat with dressing leaving a little aside to dress later…
Place in hot oven and cook for 10-15 minutes or until it looks crispy…
Mix all remaining ingredients together then add duck while still warm and mix well…
Serve immediately.

So simple yet so delicious, this is the story of my life and most likely the title of my memoirs… but that aside please don’t run away from salad make your favourite dish into a salad, take all the ingredients and deconstruct that shit until you have an amazing salad… BAM