I am a man of comfortablity. I have routines and I like to keep them up. I like people to call if they are coming to visit (mosttly because I don’t often wear pants… or knickers). I like the kitchen to be how I left it when I get in to work the next day. I like the birds to be singing when I leave the house. And I darn well like my pet carnies to have my slippers and a fine red ready for me when I get home for work… I certainly do not like being asked to make a dessert for a dinner party at a friends house on the afternoon of said dinner. It’s just not my scene. As I am explaining this to you now, you are probably getting clued in to the fact that this event was actually a recent reality for me. Well, strike up one point for your purchase of the “junior detectives kit” because you are absolutely correct!

“We’re going out for dinner,” said Jen. “Make a lime tart,” she reckons. “There’s plenty of limes on the bench,” she added. “There’s even pastry I made in the freezer,” she ended.

NOT MY SCENE. I am not the dessert guy in this house hold, you are! Apart from the fact that you are actually a lady and not a guy at all. But how can I be sure… Hmmm, I shall investigate further with my “junior detectives kit” and quite possibly reveal all in an upcoming episode of “Grazza McFilthy Mouth Reveals All!”

Anyway, when it comes to logic I tend to crumble a little bit. I do not necessarily appreciate people bringing “facts” into the story. It’s probably another area that is not really my forte. And Jen brought all sorts of logic into her argument like only a wife could. I quickly submitted, like the hyena pup rolling over so the pack uber male can sniff his balls.

“Whatever,” my brain says to me. “Just make the frickin’ tart and then everyone is happy.”

“Whatever,” I say back to my brain. “I’ll do it.”

Yeah, we have some pretty witty conversations…

Needless to say, I made that tart… and I made that tart like a bloody champion. It went like this…

LIME TART

9 whole eggs

375g castor sugar

300ml double cream, or plain old thickened cream if that’s all you got

8 juicy limes, juiced and zested (strain pulp out of juice through a seive), or 4 juicy lemons if limes aren’t your thing

• Whisk eggs and sugar, add cream and mix to combine. Stir in juice and zest
• Fill pre-baked tart case (if this mix is too much for your tart in you can bake remainder in brulee ramekins or tea cups in a baine marie. This is also good if you have a few friends who are gluten intollerent)
• Bake at 150C on the bottom shelf of your oven for 30-40 mins or until set but still slightly wobbly in the middle
• set in the fridge for at least 30 miutes and then the tart is ready for you to have your evil way with her…

And Jen’s pastry went something like this…

PASTRY

500g plain flour

250g icing sugar

250g cold unsalted butter, cubed

3 eggs, beaten

• Combine flour, sugar and butter in a food processer. Pulse until rough crumb forms
• Add eggs. Pulse until it starts to form a dough
• Turn out onto a floured bench, bring it all together so it is a big fat ball of doughy goodness
• Wrap in cling film and put into the fridge to rest for at least half an hour because it’s really tired after the beating you just gave it
• On a floured bench, roll out to 3mm-ish thickness (you’ll probably only need ½ – ¾ of the pastry. The rest can be frozen for times like these)
• Line your tart tin with your lovely pastry and trim the edges
• Blind bake* at 170C for 10-15 minutes. The pastry should be just cooked. Give it another few minutes if it isn’t…
• That’s it
• Go now. Make tart

*blind baking is something you know all about by now I’m sure. And just in case, it has nothing to do with buying a bag of flour and a bottle of scotch…