kimchi
I have a new love and I am not shy to tell you her name is Kimchi.

Contrary to what you may be thinking, Kimchi is not an oriental lady-boy. My lady-boy’s name is Mi Long and she has kinda lost favour in my bedroom court, if you get what I mean. Mi Long has been relegated to the minor leagues, currently residing in the onion cupboard next to the carnies… they seem to get along just fine.

No, kimchi is a fiery looking fermented chilli cabbage condiment. Like seriously fiery looking. Like this shit is redder than my ginge minge, and you know they say you can’t stinge on the ginge minge? This is also true of the fiery kimchi.

This shit is addictive like meth or herion. If we could get this into circulation there is the possibility of a better life in many western suburbs, the possibility we may now walk the streets with out being asked for a durry or 2 bucks for a train ticket by your local neighborhood whiny assed, walking dead, ebola looking mofo and maybe, just maybe, the rabid old junk yard dog that is matching addidas tracksuit may finally be allowed to crawl into the corner and die the death it has been yearning for for years…

My recent love for kimchi has found me cooking simply steamed rice for dinner so I can eat it with a fat pile of kimchi (this is not an exaggeration) and, at the advice of someone in blogland but I can’t remember who (maybe you could be so kind as to remind me if you are reading this) often enjoying a toasted cheese and kimchi sandwich or even taking it one step further and going the karaage fried chicken, kimchi and Japanese mayo toasted sandwich deluxe. I have also made cucumber kimchi which has found me cooking burgers so it may have a friend on it’s way to my belly, or simply just eating them straight in my face. Cucumber kimchi is also very addictive. If kimchi is the meth, cucumber kimchi could certainly fill the shoes of the crack cocaine.

Just one more thing to note about kimchi is, as with all fermented cabbage products, this shit is really good for your… well… shit. It will keep you as regular as a medium coke at McDonalds.

Get Jennee to chop it up while you take a photo. Chop Jennee, chop

Get Jennee to chop it up while you take a photo. Chop Jennee, chop

This is the chilli paste. It is definitely redder than my ginger minge

This is the chilli paste. It is definitely redder than my ginger minge

Get it into the cabbage and mixy mixy

Get it into the cabbage and mixy mixy

Oh my lovely

Oh my lovely

Go now child. Try it.

KIMCHI

3 wombok (Chinese cabbage, napa cabbage)
1.5 cups salt
2 tablespoons castor sugar
1.5 cups fish sauce
1.5 cups garlic, crushed
1 thumbsized knob ginger, chopped
1.5 brown onions, chopped
2 cups chilli flakes, soaked in enough hot water to cover

• Quarter the cabbages through the length and then cut them into 5cm-ish pieces, discarding the core
• Place cabbage in a large bucket or tub (or a clean sink) and fill with enough water to cover. Add salt and give it a good ol’ mixy
• Leave cabbage to soak for 4-5 hours, turning every hour. Once time is up, rinse and drain cabbage
• Add all other ingredients to a food processer or blender and blitz into a coarse paste
• Spread mix over cabbage and return to clean tub. Seal and store on the bench for 2 days until starting to ferment. It will start to bubble a little bit and the smell will intensify.
• Whack it into jars or plastic containers and store it in the fridge to halt the fermentation
• It is ready to be eaten straight away but I like it most after a few days in the fridge so all of the flavours can truly get to know each other and really develop lasting friendships
• This stuff will last in the fridge for a year, but good luck not eating it all before then