MEATY MUSSELS?

A MUSSEL WITH SOME MEATY BALLS?

MY MUSSEL AND BALLS ARE MEATY?

THE LION, THE WITCH AND… NOPE

MUSSELS WITH MEATBALLS AND OTHER STUFF          

It sounds like a Friday night cabaret at the Blue Oyster Club.

I know what you’re thinking. Or, more correctly, I think I know what your thinking. The places I could go with a title like that (yeah, like the mental house)… But for me it’s all about the places you’ve been. Which leads me beautifully, if not loosely, to my next point.

Nicknamed the phallic fruit of the sea, mussels bare an uncanny resemblance to a vagina. There is something mysteriously fantastic about that, and, for any red blooded, pronged up guy out there, is probably reason enough to love them by itself.

Whoa there. Foodisthebestshitever… knowing no boundaries. I sound like a slogan for the Special Olympics. PS. You guys can use that if you’re reading this right now…

As if you haven’t thunk it before. You just keep it to yourself and smirk as you slurp away, dreaming a dream that only your dirty little perverted mind could dream. WAKE UP MAN. Back to the point, vaginas. No, mussels.

MUSSELS WITH MEATBALLS AND OTHER STUFF

1kg mussels

400-500g homemade meatballs or sausage or dirt

2 punnets cherry or grape tomatoes, halved

1 chilli, sliced

2 cloves garlic, peeled and sliced

a bottle of white wine, usual deal, some for you, some for the pot

a handful of something green like choy sum, gailan or baby bok choy, washed and roughly chopped

a handful of basil or coriander

olive oil

fresh parmesan

Cook the cherry tomatoes, chilli and garlic until starting to soften

Add meatballs and simmer until cooked
Add mussels, greens and a splash of wine. Cover and simmer for a few minutes until all of the mussels are opened

Plate up, top with herbs, parmo and a splash of olive oil

Eat using half a mussel shell for your spoon and mop up the juices with crusty bread, and thank baby jesus for the mussel.

And while you’re at it, thank him for vaginas too…