Too often the great Sunday roast is a concept that is abandoned to die a lonely death in a post apocaliptic waste land of shriveled up battery hens, tough, dry-as-Egyptian-sand-script lamb, under cooked potatoes, over cooked greyish hued beans and gravox gravy. Or maybe the baine marie for the “pension card holders 9 dollar special” at the local bowls club. An early grave for many a pensioner with salmonella basted some-kind-of-meat and deep fried “roast” vegetables (I’ve seen that shit before believe me). Not today folks. Not today…

Today we have arrived as paramedics with our culinary defibrillator, breathing apparatus and heaps of morphine (although the morphine is mostly for personal use).

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you’ve heard it all before. Someone saying that they’re going to revolutionise the Sunday roast and all that. They probably tell you they’re going to make cooking fun again, too. But quite frankly whatever. That’s not what I’m saying. Where did I say that? WHERE? No. I’m just saying it doesn’t need to be the same old shitty shit. And I’m on holiday and done with my first bottle of wine for the day so I don’t need any of your school girl crap. K? K.

Two little birds...

Two little birds…

SAMSUNG CSC

I think I may be a bit too generous with my chicken portions... and quite possibly the pouring of my wine

I think I may be a bit too generous with my chicken portions… and quite possibly the pouring of my wine. But I’m on holiday man…

FOR THE CHICKEN

Cook the chicken as you would normally roast chicken (if your oven has a rotisserie that’s the best thing for it hands down), let the bird rest breast side down so the juices help keep it moist. Nothing worse than a dry breast. If this is a constant problem for you may be you should consider getting some kind of moisturiser cream? I mean, I’m happy to take a look for you but I’m not an actual doctor…. Or (if you’re still actually reading this bollocks) maybe you should opt for roasting chicken marylands (the drum stick and thigh) as they are guaranteed 95% idiot proof. 95% might not be enough to help you though…

FOR THE BRAISED VEGETABLES (for 4)

3-4 potatoes, cut into 3cm-ish chunks

2 carrots, cut into 2cm-ish rounds

1-2 capsicum, sliced

1 onion, sliced

3-4 cloves garlic, smashed with the back of a knife

1 anchovy

1 handful of your favourite olives

1 tomato, cut into wedges

1 handful of herbs. Whatever you have lying around will be fine I’m sure*

1 cup chicken stock

Seasoning

  • In an oven proof pan sauté potatoes and carrots in a splash of olive oil until they start to get a touch of colour. This is to give them a little head start because they take longer to cook then the rest of the vegetables
  • Add the capsicum, onion, garlic and anchovy and transfer pan to 180C oven for 20 minutes, tossing several times
  • Add all other ingredients and return to oven for another 20 minutes or until most of the liquid is absorbed and the potatoes and carrots are cooked
  • Check seasoning, splash with a little olive oil and a few extra herbs, serve with that damn good looking bird (Not the one you met on Friday night. You’ll go to jail for that shit fool. The chicken. The chicken!)
The bust that quite disgusted Obi. He asked if we could cover it up. I tried...

This bust in the cottage quite disgusted Obi (I admit the pelvic area quite disturbs me, too). He asked if we could cover it up. I tried…

Waking up to this sort of shit is pretty damn good

The view from the back verandah. Waking up to this sort of shit is pretty damn good

*Please note; if you live in Nimbin “what ever herbs you have lying around” might cause you to be extra hungry later on so I suggest cooking at least double this recipe.