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Mussels with bacon, apple cider and cream… and introducing “Matty mis en place”

mussels with bacon, apple cider and cream
Just yesterday I was going to get some mussels and cook them up for dinner. Mussels with bacon, onion, cider and cream, I thought. I’ve really been feeling the mussel lately… wait, I believe even I should re-think the wording of that one…

Anyway, my mouth has been yearning for a dripping hot creamy mussel… dear good lord.

Seriously, I really shouldn’t be attempting to write any kind of story to goes with mussels for dinner. Shit, even that sounds like an all male review… I think I should just move fairly quickly to a recipe.

The thing I was going to say is that events came to pass that prevented the consumption of mussels that evening. My palate/face/head would be relegated to whatever leftovers may be hanging around in the fridge. Lucky for my face, held within the cooling grasp of the refrigerator was the remains of two cracking barbecues that were cooked on previous nights. Those leftovers consisted of smoky brisket, pork ribs, pork sausages, coleslaw, add to that a few chips that were purpose chopped and fried, and home made hot sauce and I do conclude that life does not suck.

After eating our dinner we watched a little River Cottage on the interweb, and it just happened to be a fish episode… and Hugh was cooking mussels… and those mussels were indeed cooked with bacon, spring onions, cider and cream. He was basically pointing at me and laughing in my face that I didn’t have mussels. Seriously, I’m pretty sure he gave me a little “suck shit” glance. He’s lucky I think he’s a bloody nice guy or I might have flicked him off in favour of Gray’s Anatomy, a nice hot chocolate and a couple of Iced VoVos.

Would I bollocks!

Anyway, Hugh Fearnley-Wittingstall is a nice guy and I cooked those fricking mussels for dinner tonight.

A worthy mention goes to my brother Matt, who prepared the mis en place. Matt now goes by the moniker of “Matty mis en place”.

Getting geared up for the mussel fest... and not one pair of ass-less chaps in sight

Getting geared up for the mussel fest… and not one pair of ass-less chaps in sight

In with he bacon, onion and garlic

In with he bacon, onion and garlic

Deglaze with the cider

Deglaze with the cider

Get the cream in there... and please stop with the gutter mouth innuendo

Get the cream in there… and please stop with the gutter mouth innuendo

Get the mussels into your face... I need to go now

Get the mussels into your face… I need to go now


MUSSELS with BACON, APPLE CIDER AND CREAM (serves six or more with sides)

2kg live mussels, de-bearded and scrubbed (a lot of mussels will come cleaned up and ready to go these days, which makes for a truly quick and easy dining experience… no reason why we can’t your dinner to match your performance in the bedroom now, is there?)
1 onion (whatever you have), diced
4 rashers bacon, diced
4 cloves garlic, diced
300ml apple cider… get a big bottle so there’s some left for you. Actually, just get a few now so you don’t need to drive up to the bottle shop later when you’ve decided another one or two might go well with dinner
300ml cream
‘A handful parsley, chopped
Grated pecorino
Pepper (you shouldn’t need salt because of the saltiness of the mussels and bacon. I hope this isn’t news to you because I have told you before. If this needs to keep happening we are not going to be able to remain friends)
15 minutes
Crusty baguette with aioli and green salad, to serve

• In a large pan that is clearly big enough to fit all of the mussels, you can heat some oil
• Sauté bacon onion and garlic until soft and fragrant
• Add cider and simmer for a minute or two
• Add mussels, cover and simmer for another 3-4 minutes
• Remove lid and gently stir through cream. Simmer for another 2 minutes or until all of the mussels are open (it is common for one or two, or even three or four, to hang on for a little longer than the rest. You can pry these open with a butter knife to get what’s yours)
• Season with a little pepper
• Sprinkle with parsley and a bit of pecorino if you feel the urge
• Serve with a little or a lot of other things

25 comments on “Mussels with bacon, apple cider and cream… and introducing “Matty mis en place”

  1. I can just see Hugh giving you the “suck shit” sign (memories of my childhood – suck shit and die 😜)
    As far as the mussels go – freaking outstanding!

    1. *blushing* thank you my friend. Suck shit and die is also a fond memory of my childhood. I also enjoyed “suffer in your jocks” 😜

      1. Yes definitely – my brother still uses that phrase today! Today at work I saw two boys punching each other and laughing hysterically – they brought back another fond memory of primary school when the boys ran around screaming “I’m gonna punch you in the dick!”
        Oh happy days! 😜

  2. Dana Fashina says:

    Dude your leftovers are like viking feasts, good call on that Apple cider too 🙂

    1. Cheers hombre. I’m pretty sure there is viking blood somewhere in my… I love all that shit they do – the feasts, growing big beards, pilaging, stealing woman – pretty much a regular night out for me 🙂

      1. Dana Fashina says:

        Here’s to that!

  3. Man Fuel says:

    Innuendo aside, there’s nothing like a good, hot, creamy mussel… Er… Um…

    1. There’s no escaping it. These things are self innuendoing!!! 🙂

  4. My mouth is watering…

    1. I would certainly eat them again. Like, now… 🙂

  5. Alright I’ll do it. I go out and buy some mussels this week and make this! My guys will be thanking you because there’s no way I could ever come up with this. And I’ll stock up on cider while I’m at it. 🙂

    1. That’s all I needed to hear. My work here is done 👍
      Cheers and good luck my friend.

      1. We did it! We made these yesterday (finally) and holy mussel off the charts delicious! Didn’t miss a beat on following your recipe and we even went through a whole baguette mopping up the sauce. Incredible.

      2. Magic. That makes my face smile 👍… And it kinda makes me a lot hungry for more mussels.

      3. You should of seen my husband laughing at your mussel post in the market yesterday. I didn’t have your ingredient list with me so I asked him to look up “food is the best shit ever” and find the mussel post. Yeah, that was funny.

      4. That’s making me laugh now 😁👍

  6. Conor Bofin says:

    I could say this post is full of toilet humour but that would just get you going again… Nice mussels all the same.

    1. Agreed, agreed and agreed 😁

  7. cheergerm says:

    I am much too refined to comment on all of the dirty, dirty, innuendo in this post and comments. But I will say that these look wonderfully delicious, I just love a good mussel inside me. 😇

    1. Bahahaha. You are too much Mrs Cheer. Effing brilliant 👍

  8. Damn delicious, bacon made everything taste better!!!

    1. Indeed it does my friend 😜

  9. laurasmess says:

    I need a mis en place man in my life. Maybe Matty can train Aaron…? Or just send me Matty. And some of this damn good mussel deliciousness!

    1. I love it when you have a catch up day and I wake up to a load of kick-ass (and possibly a little too generous but I’ll take it) comments on this shit. Very nice indeed.
      Cheers Laura 🙌

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