Humour, Australia Day and Hipster by proxy

Um, I have a question.

Have people, like the total generalization of the human race, just lost their fucking sense of humour? Did we all just get so damn middle aged and serious? Have we all forgotten how much fun it can be to just have a good goddam laugh at our own selves, or even the small child who might fall over a hit his face on the concrete. Oh how we would laugh; ha ha ha, he he he, and all the while our mouths would be turned upwards, saluting the gods of funny and happy with the technique commonly referred as a smile…

Sam Kekovich being a lambassador
Sam Kekovich being a lambassador

And then this Sam Kekovich bloke comes along as the newly appointed “Lambassador” and champion of the lamb industry this Australia Day (Happy Australia Day PS), and upsets the shit out of the vegans because they don’t like being told to eat lamb. Honestly, they don’t need to eat the lamb. I would go so far as to say please don’t the lamb – I will look after your share without a problem.
Captain Cook got the call up for the Australia Day Lamb Campaign too
Captain Cook got the call up for the Australia Day Lamb Campaign too

Has the time left us when people would not think too far into television advertisements? Or has that time passed when people may have just turned the effing TV off and done exactly what they wanted to do as apposed to thinking that they are obliged to do what the TV tells them? If I tell you the truth, I am more than happy for these peeps to leave the lamb for me. More than happy! And, you know what? If it’s such a huge fucking issue, maybe they should just go and make their own television advert and tell everyone to eat something that isn’t lamb for Australia day; eat some gum leaves or billabongs or something like that and keep it real legit.
I had myself a lamb pie for Australia Day because a guy on the television told me I should
I had myself a lamb pie for Australia Day because a guy on the television told me I should

Which brings me to my next little issue… or whine… or waaaah waaah… or baaah waaaah (that was a bit of a lamby reference for those of you who weren’t paying attention); What about the prejudices against the middle aged, bearded, caucasion male, the weight of the hipster movement, and the rights of the common man to just wear a goddam beard?

Was that a segue? I doubt it. I have not yet seen a real live segue grace these pages, and indeed I do not expect to see one anytime in the foreseeable future.

Anyway, as you may or may not be able to tell, I am pretty effing sick of it (but at least I’ve calmed down enough to stop using the language of the herpes infested salty old sea dog), and I am ready to set this rant upon the world via the interweb super highway and a currently paid up-to-date account with my internet service provider.

If you don’t want to hear about it you should smash your computer now, because I am getting exponentially more confident by the minute…

I mostly blame Jennee, a) because it’s easy, and b) because she was so generous of spirit to point out that I kind of am a hipster by proxy… all except my name. I need a name that’s some kind of hybrid, left field, a surname first name or something from the Victorian era, and I could possibly scrape in with something Scandinavian at the very least. Christianeous, Leonard, Michaelangelo, Matheous…

And what the heck even is this hipster by proxy business I am talking about? Well, plain and simple I’ve just been asked once too often if I am a hipster.

Now I contemplate mowing my facial hair back to reveal the smooth face of a man I used to know and I also contemplate what it is about me that has made it so very simple for peeps to enquire as to whether my religion, or freaking out-look or whatever, is “hipster”…

I will tell you now; look carefully because there are a few key differences. Allow me to demonstrate;

Hipsters have large beards that are perfectly manicured and smell very nice because of the flowers they put in them – I have a large beard that is not manicured even one little bit and it doesn’t necessarily smell the best. Also, at any given moment, it contains enough barbecued meats for a Viking wedding celebration
Hipsters like cold brew, organic, artisan, ethically grown, small batch coffee – I like to drink cold coffee but my preferred method of attainment of said coffee is leaving it on the bench for an hour… so I guess it could be said that I actually enjoy cold stale coffee
Hipsters pay fat wads of cash for minimalistic, pared back design and re-purposed, ethically gathered materials – I fitted a restaurant out with plywood counters and tables because it was all that we could afford
Hipsters have a top knot – I am merely top notch
Hipsterism is on trend – Grazism is not even close to being on trend

So, as you can see, it is not actually that hard for us to be friends. If you cannot see how easy it is for us to be friends then, well, you are probably doing the weekly shopping while wearing active-wear at the moment and I am not actually qualified to help you with those problems and I can only pray that natural selection will take you from me.


That is my lamb pie, lid lifted and stuffed with mashed potato and mushy peas. Who ever decided this would be a good idea is a fricking genious
That is my lamb pie, lid lifted and stuffed with mashed potato and mushy peas. Who ever decided this would be a good idea is a fricking genious

PS I did eat your lamb in the form of an off-the-hook-good lamb pie from the Southern Queensland institution that is the Yatala Pie Shop. I “floatered” the living shit out of it with mashed potato, mushy peas and a kick-ass gravy that had little bits of meaty goodness in it. Soooo damn good!

Happy Straya Day.

The end.

32 responses to “Humour, Australia Day and Hipster by proxy”

  1. Wear your big ole grotty beard with pride, I for one would happily call myself a Grazi if I wasn’t already a Cheergerm. When did everyone get so bloody serious? I often pull myself back when writing as I am a bit fearful of attracting the ire of the uber serious peeps out there. They frighten me. Seriously, eat lamb, don’t eat lamb. (Um, I say this as I wipe the lamb cutlet juice off my chin in front of my vegetarian husband…) Just everyone stop judging everyone. Rant over. Back to the final top ten of JJJ’s top 100. Oh yes, it’s Straya Day. Rock on Food.

  2. As you can see from my image, my chances of growing a top knot are somewhat reduced. I used to have a big red beard back in the day when having a big red beard was not fashionable. I have never been fashionable. I do eat lamb. But, none of your Australian, fed on the edge of a desert kind of lamb. I go for Irish, mountain lamb fed on lush green pastures and wild herbs. Delicious.
    Happy Oz day, if it’s not too late to say so.

  3. floatering ?? really ?? OK, so when the lambs get back from ‘university’ I will make a lamb pie and try floating it – even writing this sounds weird. Great post – lovely diversion from the work I am ploughing through right now …. more please …

  4. Whoaaaaa. Australia day definitely gets your patriotism going Graz! Haha. I think I know the ad you’re referring to, the one where the SWAT team uses a flame thrower to torch an ex-pat vegan-convert Aussie’s kale salad (wow that was a lot of words) in his apartment. I do kind of understand the vegan angst, as now that I’m not eating much meat I get the shit taken out of me on every possible occasion by my friends, particularly the Argentinean ones who have threatened to ex-communicate me if I ever fully convert to veganism (so you’re safe, there. I will still always be up for a burger off!). So I imagine vegans are sick of people taking the piss, particularly with fire. But that ad was freaking hilarious, I love the Lamb Corp’s annual piss-take… Australian humour at its best (Lee Lin Chin is a legend. Heeeee-larious!).

    So… anyway, I definitely understand your point of view regarding lack of humour, lamb, hipsterism (I’m also pissed off as I like old things and cold drip coffee, and now those things are freaking hipster) and generally being old and cranky. I am also old and cranky. But hopefully I retain my sense of humour 😉

    Oh, and that pie? That looks like the stuff of dreams, man. Please send me one.

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