basic mayonnaise aka. basic magic

5 egg yolks

1 tablespoon Dijon mustard, or whatever is in the cupboard

1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar or lemon juice

400ml vegetable oil, or a mix of veg and olive oil if you like it fruity

salt and pepper

With a stick wizz or food processor, blitz everything except the oil. Blltz until the yolks are pale. Now, keep the blitzer going and slowly add the oil in a thin stream. This will cause it to emulsify* with the other ingredients, thus making a mayonnaise. Crazy… Take it nice and slowly at first, slower than you think it needs… and then as you start to understand how this whole emulsification thing works, you can go a little faster. But go slow until then or you’ll just keep making a weird curdled looking thing that doesn’t deserve a name, but go ahead and put it on a salad sandwich. I dare you…and if it starts to get really thick (thicker than the stuff you buy), thin it out with a Tablespoon or two of water.

If you fuck it up a few times, try again (and again, and again). It does get easier once you work it out and just remember, there are a lot of chefs out there that can’t do this confidently, so you’re doing well if you get it sorted. And then you can go on to add all sorts of other flavourings too… I like an anchovy or two, but the world is your oyster.

*emulsify. Combining two liquids that are not meant to be combined. Acidic liquids like lemon juice or vinegar help the process by changing the pH of the mixture. The liquids are combined adding the oil very slowly, while blitzing or beating the crap out of it, which suspends drops of liquid throughout each other. Tech shite I know. Get used to it cos that’s how we roll…