BANGERS AND MASH

SAUSAGES AND MASHED POTATO

SAUSAGE AND TWO POTATOES (that could be something different)

It’s an old skool pub favourite but, just like everything else in the cheffy wanky world, it needs to be revisited, reinvented and damn well re-rodgered*.

It is a dish that can be so damn good, yet all too often embodies everything that is bad, no, not just bad, criminal about pub food in Australia. Pub ‘bistros’. Now that’s a word that doesn’t belong on the giant billboard at the front of any pub, club or RSL. I sure it was all started with good intentions, but this food could not be further from being actual bistro food… and quite frankly I heard the road to hell was paved with good intentions. I will pick this up again later.

So anyway, tonight I cooked a type of bangers and mash. But there’s a little story to tell first. Grab your hot chocolate, snuggle up to your mama, and read on…

It’s time to celebrate.

Today I got two new teeth. Well, they’re not actually new teeth, but they used to be teeth that were almost gone and now they’re whole and in my mouth again. I was reaching the point where I felt like I was in a bloody toothpaste commercial… ‘sensitive teeth? Can’t drink cold water? Give a fuck?’

Yes, yes and no.

But I thought I should get them fixed anyway because I was getting sick of having the jolly old seadog look to go with the tongue…

The really cool thing about all of this is that both of my effed up teeth were on the same side, top and bottom. So, after a heap of local anesthetic, I walked out of there looking like I was a stroke victim. Droopy face and shite…

Back to something of a subject matter that is (almost) slightly more PC… the celebration of my new teeth.

A big fat rib-eye on the bone, roasted over the coals would have been ideal. Char-grilled chicken and chorizo could have done it too. But I had sausages… yep. Sausages. Didn’t think this one through very well did I?

So I cooked those snags and I cooked them like a bloody champion. This is what happened…

Light a fire with actual wood

Season some pumpkin with rosemary, garlic, salt and pepper, and wrap in alfoil. Chuck it in the coals for as long as the sausages take to cook. This is gonna be your mash

Heat a fuck off big paella pan (just because you have one and they’re so damn sexy), and fry off sausages, sliced onion, garlic, rosemary and a couple of anchovies. Once they are coloured deglaze with ½ a bottle of red (you know what the other half is for, yeah?). Add 2 tins of diced tomatoes and a tin of French lentils. Check seasoning. Garnish with chopped parsley, basil and rosemary from the garden

Life really ain’t that bad eh…

A general rule of thumb. Any meal that takes two people to carry is going to be a good one. Especially if it comes off the fire

Mash the roasted pumpkin with a tin of cannellini beans. Check seasoning

Serve like that. Eat. Congratulate ones self on a job well done. Look at your paella pan some more. Damn fine pan. Damn fine…

*re-rodgered. A term given to something that was rodgered once, and then again…