Why? Because hippies love Dahl. As soon as I started cooking this today they gathered near my front gate. It looked like a coal seam gas rally. There was incense and patchouli, girls with hairy armpits, environmentally unsound old cars (my favourite hippy-crit trait) and clothes reminiscent of the wardrobe from Mad Max.

What do hippies have to do with my day I hear you ask… well, my mate Micky (who I have spoken of many times before) is a hippy and has recently been inducted into the fatherhood hall of fame. This came about when he sowed his man seed in the fertile belly of his dahl-ing (too funny I know) fiancé, Rachael (also a certified hippy). Many months later she gave birth to a small human child, who they promptly named Aurien. I’m sure that means something pretty hippy. What was my point?

Dahl!

We are seeing these guys tonight for dinner at a friend’s house and she is a hippy too. I think there will probably be other hippies there too*. I will quite probably be outnumbered. So to quell their hunger in fear they may mistake me for a large, strangely handsome carrot, and try to dip me into some hommus and eat me, I shall make the dahl… and hope they didn’t already eat it for breakfast.

That could quite possibly be the stupidest story to ever grace these pages… and it’s up against some heavy competition.

Serve it on a plate made of recycled VHS video players and eat with your fingers.

DAHL

1 cup red lentils, rinsed in water

1 cinamon stick

2 bay leaves

3cm knob ginger

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 brown onion, diced

2 cloves garlic, crushed

2 teaspoon garam masala

1 teaspoon cumin

juice 1 lemon

half a long green chilli, chopped

seasoning

• cook lentils with cinamon, bay, ginger and 3-4 cups of water until soft and mushy. Discard spices
• saute onion and spices in olive oil until lovely and fragrant. Add lentils, cook out on low heat for 10 mins. Make sure it is a low heat because the lentils will catch easily and burn to the bottom of the pot. I warned you… that’s all I can do
• adjust seasoning, add lemon juice and a bit of chopped green chilli for a bit of a kick
• tastes good eh

FLAT BREAD (unless they are gluten intolerant hippies in which case you get to eat it all. Which is not a bad thing)

2 cups plain flour

A good splash of olive oil

A pinch of salt

1 tablespoon of cumin seed or whatever you like. Except ice cream. Or lettuce. Or sand. That’s three things! I’m full of shit!

Enough warm water to make a bread like dough. ¾ cup or so. Add a little at a time so you don’t make it too wet

• mix flour mix salt, cumin seed and add oil. Slowly add water and mix to a firm-ish dough (I guess it would be the consistency of a taught ass)
• knead it want it love it for 30 seconds
• cover and rest in a warm spot for 30 minutes
• on a floured bench roll out little balls of dough into 2mm thick flatbreads
• brush with melted butter and fry in a dry pan for a minute or so each side – when they start to puff up its time to turn
• cook for another minute
• good to go!

Hopefully I shall satisfy their hunger and be back to post again…

*I just saw the Facebook invites and I am defo gonna be dealing with hippies here. And mostly girls too. And probably lesbians. And at least two acupuncturists. And a belly dancer…