The Standing Rib Roast


The standing rib roast… a celebration of life… unless you are the cow it came from.

There’s nothing wrong with eating well, you know. Eating well is celebrating a task that we need to perform to live, taking it from boring or mundane and punch throwing into the realm of a ménage a trois with extremely attractive chicks… or guys… or whatever you fancy. PCfoodblogsarethebestshitever. For me there are certainly many ways to celebrate life… not unlike skinning a cat. But since I don’t work at a cat abattoir, I shall once again return to my place at the stove and cheekily moon life from there. I feel I am starting to drift (or maybe veer violently) away from the subject, so here is an account of what we made on one particular celebration of life… or food or eating or having a mouth or something.


The beef
How long do you cook beef for? How long is the wait at the emergency room on dole day? How long can a cat survive under water? How long can a carnie survive with out eating cabbage? All valid and considerable questions but today I shall only answer one… Carnies must eat cabbage every day to live hence the famous carnie phrase; “any day the three faced dragon does not grant me cabbage, I shall wither up and die”. Not exactly the Shakespeare of our generation, but it gets them by…

The beef was in for about 1.5 hours at 180-200C. I didn’t time it or anything super smart like that, I just poked it every now and then and my nose kept alert for the beautiful smell of cooked beef. However long it was in there was just the right amount of time. It was super moist and tender. A bit like a… Nah. Even I’m going to leave that one alone.

And the stuffing gave it extra special flavour nom nom-ness a la gouche.

The pumpkin purée
Just like making dinner for your three-year-old child but not mixing every shitty vegetable in the back of the fridge together. Just a tiny bit more premeditation and panache. Heaps easy. Any idiot can do that…


If you want it to be restaurant silky smooth pass it through a mesh sieve. I just realised I don’t actually have one of these at home so it was just the stick wizz for me.

The red wine sauce
Milpoix of 1 onion, carrot and celery stick, all diced
1 tomato, diced
A glass or two of red wine (and the rest of the bottle is for you. Don’t say I never give you anything)
• Add the vegetables and tomato to the baking dish when you remove the beef to rest
• Roast for 15 minutes, or until it’s soft and starting to brown
• Bring to the stove top and add a tablespoon of plain flour. Cook out for a minute or two over a low heat
• Deglaze with the red and make sure you get all of the little crusty bits off the bottom of the pan
• Add a beef stock ice block if you have one in the freezer and simmer for a few minutes until recued a little and looking sexy (if it gets a bit to thick whisk in a splash of water)
• Strain sauce into your best old school gravy boat

Rocket, zucchini flower, pecorino salad
Use all of the stuff it says in the title, plus a little finely slice red onion. Dress with a splash of balsamic, a splash of extra virgin olive oil and a bit of salt and pepper. Or use my favourite salad dressing recipe that you will not be able to find here. That shall be my next post!


What’s up with the zucchini flowers? Cut them some slack already! They’re just trying to make ends meet in this work-a-day-nine-to-five world we live in. They are certainly not essential to complete this salad but neither is the onions or cheese or the rocket, I think you just need hands. Anyway, zucchini flowers are abundant in our garden and no one will argue the fact that they add to the cheffy wankiness of the whole thing. Pull out all the stops to show life that you’re going to that extra effort.

And please remember, pulling out all the stops is heaps more socially acceptable then pulling out your bollocks in public!

5 responses to “The Standing Rib Roast”

  1. Plenty of life celebration, even for the cow. You’ve led a fantastic life, good enough to eat in fact. Well done! Step up to this wonderful metal rod, position it right between your eyes, and wait for your prize.

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