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This is what 6am looks like.

How do I know what 6am looks like, you may ask. Well, apart from it being the time of day I normally start work, on this given day of our lord, Monday sometime in 2013, it was the time that we (myself, Jennee and our friends Matt and Soryah) would venture out in a sea faring vessel (which is heaps nicer then venturing out in a vessel full of seamen… or semen) with the hope of catching ourselves a belly full of fish, and returning to shore with nary among us down to the dreaded scurvy.

I wore a beard. Mostly because it comprises of hair that is deep rooted and grows out of my face (and probably because I cant be assed shaving), but also because all seafarers have a beard to protect them from the icy chill of the open ocean. Surely the captain would notice and immediately treat me as one of his own? A peer? A pear? No. That would just be silly, and silly is certainly not what I’m about.

The motley crew. Never too early for a beer...

The motley crew. Never too early for a beer…

But… Alas the captain did not have a beard. And the captain did not welcome me as one of his brethren. Instead, he immediately noticed the auburn hue of Matt and my beards and shouted “token rangas. Every boat needs a token ranga”.

It was 6am in the morning and clearly this man had already consumed way too much coffee or amphetamines or quite possibly both. And we were to trust him to return us safety to the docks after a day on the open ocean? Damn yeah, let’s have a beer!

Our gut feelings served us true. A good catch and a safe return ensued… And this is how we ate it.

This young lad caught the tuna. We later beat him up in the car park and stole half of it!

This young lad caught the tuna. We later beat him up in the car park and stole half of it!

Make it look awesome

Make it look awesome

Mix it up at the table so everyone knows you're the boss

Mix it up at the table so everyone knows you’re the boss

Mmmmm crsips

Mmmmm crisps

guaranteed to impress anyone with a mouth and tastebuds

Guaranteed to impress anyone with a mouth and tastebuds

TUNA TARTARE WITH QUINOA AND POTATO CRISPS aka. New skool fish ‘n’chips (for 4 hungry sailors)

As much extremely fresh tuna as your wife will let you buy (See what I did there? Now you’re telling yourself she’s not the boss and you can do what you want. So now you’re going to buy heaps so that means there’s going to be more for everyone. Your guests can thank me later)

1/3 cup quinoa, cooked to give you 1 cup

1 eshallot or ½ small red onion, bruniose

1 avocado, diced

pickled chilli or jalepeno

beetroot and ginger relish (I will post this recipe soonish), or pickled beetroot

extra virgin olive oil

light soy

salt and pepper

potato or beetroot crisps to serve

  • For the tartare it truly is as simple as dicing everything up and presenting it on a platter so it looks really effing edible. Just before you serve dress with 1 teaspoon pickled chilli liquid, 1 teaspoon soy and 1 tablespoon olive oil. Season with a little salt and pepper
  • Serve with potato crisps

POTATO CRISPS

3-4 large potatoes, sweet potato or beetroot, or a combination, sliced 1mm thick on a mandoline

oil to deep fry

  • Heat oil to 170C-ish (if you don’t have a deep frier or thermometer, put a crisp in an it should brown up in 30-40 seconds)
  • Fry the crisps in batches of 15 or so (remembering that if you are doin a mix of different vegetables you need to fry each variety together as they will have different cooking times) until crisp and golden. This will probably take 1-2 minutes
  • Drain on paper towel and season with salt
  •  Serve with your tuna
  • Listen up. That’s the sound of everyone telling you that you are awesome.