This is not the humble hotdog I remember from my youth.

My memories involve of some kind of bright red sausage shaped thing of undisclosed origin, pulled from a pot of swampy looking, steamy water and then slapped into a piece of white sliced bread (or maybe a warm bun if we were lucky) and doused in tomato sauce (ketchup).

No. That hotdog of my youth certainly did not involve pickle relish.

A pickle relish is something I’m sure I didn’t invent but have certainly welcomed to my bosom in all life events that involve me eating a hotdog.

For me, a hotdog can be as simple as bun, dog, pickle relish and tomato sauce (ketchup). But, I’d say that’s got something to do with me being a 2-condiment minimum kinda guy. Bun, dog and pickle relish would be just fine if that’s how you want to roll. Bun and dog only is not fine though. Please don’t ever put a bun-and-dog-only in front of me and expect me to eat it. I really cannot abide that I’m afraid.

And just remember the toppings you can put on a hotdog are limited only by your WIFI signal, er, imagination. There is no legal limit. I often think there should be, but there is not. So you can just fucking well go to town.

HOTDOGS WITH PICKLE RELISH

(makes 4. I certainly can’t guarantee this will serve 4 because sometimes 2 of these is really what you need)

4 cheese and jalapeno kransky, or whatever sausage it is that you like to use in your hotdog
4 hotdog buns, split through the middle
1 cup grated nacho blend cheese (or whatever you have in the fridge if you can’t get nacho blend)
Pickle relish (recipe below)
Tomato sauce (ketchup)

Place kransky (or whatever sausage you’re using. Bear in mind a raw sausage will take a little longer)) in a smoker at 250-275F for 30 minutes or until golden. Alternately, cook kransky in the oven or in a pan until done.
Place cooked kransky into bun.
Add a sprinkle of cheese and melt under a grill (broiler) or a blow torch will also work here.
Top with a little ketchup and some pickle relish.
Eat that.
Repeat?

PICKLE RELISH

½ brown onion, diced
3-4 decent sized dill pickles, roughly chopped (you want half a cup or so)
1 tablespoon American mustard

Place all ingredients into a food processor.
Blitz into a salsa-y type consistency.
Left over mix will last for up to 2 weeks, sealed and storede in the fridge.