Coq au vin (cock ooh van)

Cock au vin, or chicken in wine, is another one of those dishes that I really look forward to when the weather chills down some.

You can cook it in a camp oven on the way to wolf creek. It can easily be doubled or tripled if you want to cook it for a shitload of friends. It reheats well, allowing you to get ready for dinner hours or even days early. It actually benefits from being neglected for an hour or two. It can be presented to your peasant friends or haute society in the same sitting. It’s… it’s… magic.

Even if you think you don’t like coq, you will like this.

I will generally use chicken marylands for this dish because I really do love the moistness, but the traditional meat to use is rooster and I can verify that if you have one you need to knock off it couldn’t go to a better cause. I have also been told by a French chef friend of mine that if you want to step it up a notch further, you should use capon, a castrated rooster and a product that is not readily available probably anywhere besides France.

Furthermore, I would also like to add that I don’t care what diet you’re on but now is not the time to be using chicken breast in place of the marylands either.

Some good things that will help you make your coq au vin
Brown that chicken
And now it’s ready for a turn in a 180 C (360 F) preheated oven
Looks like not much worth taking a photo of but tastes like good things have just happened in your kitchen


COQ AU VIN
(CHICKEN IN WINE)


Serves 4

4 chicken marylands, separated into thigh and drumstick
150 g bacon or speck, sliced
250 g eshallots or pickling onions (the little baby ones), or a diced onion or two
500 g mushrooms, a mix of whatever you have; button, swiss brown or king oyster. Left whole if small and halved or quartered if a bit big
1 ripe tomato, chopped
5 cloves garlic, crushed
1 bouquet garni (sprigs of thyme, rosemary and bay leaf)
500 ml red wine
500 ml chicken or beef stock
1 tablespoon flour mixed with ¼ cup water
Salt and pepper to season
Chopped parsley and crusty bread (Or soft bread. Who am I to tell you what bread to eat), to serve

Season the chicken and brown in a heavy based pot. Set aside.
Now in the same pot brown the bacon, onion, garlic and mushrooms.
Now the chicken goes back into the pot and so does the tomato.
Have a glass of wine and add the remainder to the pot. While you’re there you can chuck in the bouquet garni and stock. Cover the pot and whack it in the oven at 180C for 1.5 or so hours. Just enough time to get well on the way to being jolly pissed.
Alright. Concentrate now. One more thing to do…
Bring the pot out of the oven and remove chicken.
Place pot on low-medium heat and slowly whisk in the flour slurry.
Cook out for a couple of minutes so you are not eating raw flour sauce.
Now add your chicken back into the sauce and serve with something potatoey if you’re feeling it, or just by itself is fine too.
Garnish with a little parsley and some bread of your choosing to mop up the juices.
Get in there.

Beef and beer stew with secret lentils

I put a tin of lentils in here just because it’s probably something you think you hate. You will not hate them in this. In fact, you will most probably fall in love with them and want to marry them. Plus, your bowel will thank you for getting a little roughage in your diet.

Get all of the stuff together and the go and get comfy next to the camp fire
Get it all into the pot and then let it simmer away for a few hours while you sit back and get slightly simmered yourself


BEEF AND BEER STEW WITH SECRET LENTILS

(Serves 6)

1 kg some kind of beef slow cooking cut – chuck, shin, brisket, etc – cut into 3 cm dice (no need to get the ruler out. Just make it a decent sized piece or even ask your butcher nicely and they might do it for you)
2 onions, diced
2 carrots, diced
2 sticks celery, diced
5 cloves garlic, chopped
3 anchovies. Don’t even think about it, just do it.
2 bay leaves
A sprig of rosemary or thyme if you have some in the garden
3x 375 ml cans dark beer
1x 700 ml tomato passata
1x 400 g tin lentils
Salt and pepper
Chopped parsley, to serve
Soft polenta, mashed potatoes, parsnip puree, pasta or something along those lines, to serve

Heat a splash of oil in a heavy based pot or cast-iron camp oven over a medium-high heat. Add onion, carrots, celery and garlic, and sauté until starting to brown a little.
Season beef with salt and pepper and add to the pot (normally you might brown everything off separately but this is going to be an all-in type thing) along with anchovies and herbs. Sauté for 10 or so minutes until they are browned and tasty bits are starting to grip a little on the bottom of the pot.
Add beer and tomato and stir to get all of the good bits off of the bottom of the pot and into the gravy.
Turn heat to low, cover and simmer for 2 ½ hours, stirring every half hour or so.
Check that the beef is tender – it should be ready for Nan to gum to death by now. If not, simmer for another 30 minutes or until soft, adding a splash of water if the gravy starts to thicken up too much.
Check seasoning and adjust if necessary.
Finish with a handful of chopped parsley.
Eat it.

If it’s easier for your eyes to watch these things you can find the video at foodisthebestshitever youtube channel.

Low country boil

This is meant to be a big ol’ prawn (shrimp), crab or crawfish stew for a heap of people to enjoy. Your seafood gets loose in a party of potatoes, corn, sausage and some kinda spicy seasoning and then you get some paper on the table, lay it all out with a couple of dipping sauces and don’t even worry about plates or cutlery. Could life be any better?

This though, is the lockdown version, so maybe when all of this shit blows over you can invite a crew over and multiply the recipe by 4 or 5.

I feel like the seafood could be easily replaced with chicken drumsticks added at the same time as the potatoes.

Also, I feel like the main skill involved here is boiling water. I’m going to leave that there all by itself.

Get on it.


LOW COUNTRY BOIL

(Serves 4 corona virus lockdownees)

16 – 20 large prawns (shrimp)
200 g smoked pork sausage, cut into 2 cm pieces
600g baby potatoes
2 cobs sweet corn, cut into thirds
5 – 6 baby onions, peeled
4 cloves garlic, peeled
1 lemon, quartered
1 tablespoon each salt and pepper
¼ cup Lanes New Bay, old bay or shrimp boil seasoning, plus extra to dust
5 lt water
Melted butter, to serve
Hot sauce mayonnaise, to serve

Boil water in a big pot. Something big enough to hold the water and then some is the go.
Once water is boiling add every thing except prawns, sausage and corn. Cook for 9 minutes or until potatoes are half way done.
Add sausage and corn and simmer for another 5 minutes.
Reduce heat to low, add prawns and simmer for another 5 minutes or until prawns and potatoes are fully cooked.
Strain the lot through a colander and whack it onto a serving tray or straight onto newspaper on the table for the post-lockdown party version.
Give it a flick of extra seasoning.
Serve with melted butter and hot sauce mayonnaise for dipping. Napkins are pretty essential too.





Prawn & sausage jambalaya

Jambalaya. A Cajun classic. Allegedly first made by European immigrants in New Orleans and deeply rooted in the Spanish paella. It’s a tasty-assed mash up of some kind of meat, smoked sausage, a few vegetables and rice in a pot, where they are left to make love and produce offspring of immensely really good flavour.

Cajun cooking has a bit of a thing going on with the celery, capsicum (bell pepper) and onion, the holy trinity of Cajun cooking if you will, and I certainly have no problem with this. It works, it does what it is meant to do, it doesn’t cause any trouble and it’s clean. I love a good clean house guest… or holy trinity…

This poor man’s dinner can be very easily consumed all by itself, but this sort of ricey goodness can also act as a side for a fillet of fish, a nice piece of roasted chicken or grilled pork chop.

On a side note, this corona virus shit certainly makes me realise why child mortality rates were so high in the old world. Also, it has made very clear why children were sent to work full time at such a young age. Coincidence that there was no proper school system to get the kids out of your hair and each other’s faces for 5 days of the week? I think not.


PRAWN & SAUSAGE JAMBALAYA

Serves 4


400 g large prawns (shrimp), peeled and deveined, 5 heads reserved for cooking
200 g Andouille or some kind of smoked sausage, chopped
1 onion, diced
1 green capsicum, diced
1 stalk celery, sliced
5 cloves garlic, minced
½ long red chilli, chopped
1-2 tablespoons Cajun spice mix or your favourite BBQ rub
250 g basmati rice
1 lt chicken or vegetable stock
Salt and pepper
Chopped parsley and lemon wedges, to serve


Heat pan over medium-high flame.
Sauté chorizo, the Cajun holy trinity, chilli and garlic in oil until softened and starting to brown.
Add prawn heads, tomato and spice mix and cook out for a further minute.
Add rice, stock and prawns to pan, cover and simmer over low heat for 15 minutes or until rice is cooked.
Allow to sit for 5 minutes. Check seasoning and adjust with salt and pepper if needed.
Garnish with chopped parsley and lemon.
Get it onto a plate or bowl of some description and then into your face so as to benefit from it’s tasty goodness.

Special sauce

This is my recipe for special sauce. We use it at our restaurant, the Stockpot Kitchen, and lots of people ask me for the recipe.

Here is the recipe.

My debt to you is paid in full.
It is especially good in a burger or three

SPK SPECIAL SAUCE

This is enough for a round of burgers and then some to put in the fridge to add to everything else you eat (especially hot chips) until your honeymoon obsession is over.

2 cups mayonaise – make it or buy some good stuff
¼ cup tomato sauce (ketchup)
¼ cup roughly chopped dill pickles
¼ medium onion, roughly chopped
1 tablespoon each yellow mustard, hot sauce and worcestershire sauce
Salt and pepper to season

Blitz all ingredients except mayonaise in a food prossessor or blend or with a stick wizz.
Fold into mayonaise and mix until thouroughly combined.
Eat it with whatever you find fit.


A hotdog worthy of being a friend for the ‘slaw in my previous post



A HOTDOG WORTHY OF BEING A FRIEND FOR THE CREAMY TAKE-AWAY JOINT ‘SLAW

Serves 4

(wine pairing – domestic beer in a paper bag)

4 hotdog buns
4 frankfurters or whatever sausage you like in your buns. Wink, wink.
2 onions, peeled, sliced and sautéed until browned
2 -3 dill pickles, sliced
Enough grated cheese to make you happy
Ketchup
Mustard
Creamy take-away joint ‘slaw (recipe previous post), to serve

Just a little FYI about how you compose your hotdog. You can put it together however you see fit and I’m pretty sure I’m going to enjoy it. Unless you do that thing that people who make hotdogs seem to enjoy doing these days where they do the zig-zag of ketchup and mustard over the top of the finished hotdog including all over the bun. Do you know what I’m talking about? I cannot abide that shit. Not at all. Don’t do it.
Also, I am happy if the ‘slaw is served piled high onto the dog or on the side. Either works for me.