Thai three flavour crazy sauce

*This is an old story about the time I introduced my friend Paul to this three flavour sauce for the first time. I like the story so it’s here for y’all today*

I awoke this morning to the sight that some rude bastard, probably a local pub owner or something similar, had dumped a shit load of empty bottles on our verandah. It looked like a fucking recycling depot. There was ginger beer, wine, various other beers, more wine and grey goose vodka. What the hell? What sort of person would do this?

I had just dialed 00 on my phone, and was about to press the third 0 when the memories hit me. And when I say the memories hit me I mean the memories sort of put their hand up and very slowly and meekly made an old man swipe at my face. It wasn’t pretty.

I could remember preparing a feast but wasn’t sure if we had eaten it… what the hell happened. My good friend Paul! That’s what happened.

Paul and his lovely lady Lauren had finally made it to our humble home. They arrived after travelling many miles in the white man’s metal bird, and then even more miles of travelling in a cart drawn by three small kittens, strangely all of whom were named Veronica. But these kittens, although small in stature were strong of heart, and they delivered their fare with great speed so were duely reimbursed for their time. That’s just about enough about the three Veronicas…

The level of excitement and anticipation that I have been experiencing this past week in the lead up to Paul’s visit was comparable to that of the Philippine village when the UN truck comes roaring over the horizon. Like a teenage kid before schoolies, knowing I was in with a damn good chance to finally see some real boobies. Like other exciting and eagerly anticipated things. So yes, it was Paul that happened!

It has been many years since Pauly has ventured to this side of the country. In fact, the last time he came to stay was when Jen and I got married, some 8 years ago. With this in the front of my mind I had prepared myself both mentally and physically for the oncoming onslaught. I had been intensively training in the ancient arts of drinking and eating, and also dabbled a little in the lesser known art of gerbil throwing… one can never be to sure when Pauly is involved.

I should have trained harder.

You see, many years ago when I first met Paul, he did not drink so much. Once or twice a year, maybe at my birthday or Christmas, he would pop over with a six pack of corona, slowly sipping away at one as I knocked off the other five. Oh my how things have changed. This guy truly believed he had been wronged by my liver in another life and was out for some serious vengeance. And what does Geppetto have to do with any of this? Absolutely nothing except that Paul is sitting across from me on his MacBook (not actually sitting on his MacBook as that would most likely render it unusable) typing his account of events from last night and poked his little head up and asked me “how do you spell Geppetto?”. What the fuck that man is talking about is anyone’s guess at the best of times, but Geppetto? Bloody hell man.

This recipe will make enough for a large feast so maybe halve it if you’re only catering for a small feast.


(enough for a feast)

2 brown onion, rough dice
1 red capsicum, rough dice
5 cloves garlic, rough dice
1x 3cm knob ginger, rough dice
1x 3cm knob tumeric, rough dice
5 coriander root, washed and roughly chopped

the rest
1 cup tamarind puree
500ml water
1kg castor sugar
125ml fish sauce
1 medium pineapple, diced
5 kaffir lime leaf
5 dried long red chilli, whole
2 fresh long red chilli, fine slice

Blitz paste ingredients with a little oil to consistency of coarse paste.
Cook paste out for a few minutes then add everything except pineapple, chilli and kaffir leaf.
Simmer sauce and reduce until starting to thicken. 5 minutes should do the trick.
Add all other ingredients and simmer for a further 5 minutes.
Check seasoning. It should be hot, sweet and sour.
Use your smart brains to adjust it if needed.
Serve over any grilled seafood, pork or chicken.

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