So there it was.

Christmas.

It came as quickly as a teenage boy, and then left feeling just as ashamed.

There will be no more fighting through crowds of people, the air will clear of the musty smell of anxiety and defeat, the glow of the fluorescent lights powered by a million trapped Christmas fairies shall slowly dim and your ears will no longer be assaulted by Christmas carols everywhere you turn.

The football stadium-esque light displays that were clearly trying to signal another culture from the depths of a very distant solar system will soon yield to the weight of more consumerism in the form of hot crossed buns and chocolate eggs which are seemingly the incubating spawn of chocolate rabbits which are both somehow meant to tie into a religious celebration-slash-holiday.

I don’t really follow this whole thing at all. But really, who gives a fuck.

Whatever it is, it is a damn fine reason to get together with your family and friends. You share a drink (many drinks), some food (much food) and maybe a story or two. There will be Pictionary and possibly Bananagrams. Just a damn good time really. Even carnies still enjoy the time that is Christmas.

And don’t even get me started on the good time that is St Stephens Day.

Anyhow, it’s a pretty Christmassy thing for us to have a stuffed goose and more than once have I been asked to write this recipe down. Now I have done it as a special Christmas gift just for you.

SPIT ROASTED GOOSE WITH STUFFING

1x whole goose
Salt and pepper or a savoury BBQ rub, to season
A kettle barbecue or something similar set up with a spit attachment (yes, this will work in the oven)
Stuffing (recipe follows)

Fire up your briquettes or charcoal and get your barbecue humming around the 180 C (360 F) mark.
Jam the stuffing into the spot where the gut used to be and pin closed with 2 skewers so the stuffing doesn’t “cement mixer” out while it’s on the spit.
Season your goose all over with salt and pepper or BBQ rub. Allow to sit for 15 minutes for seasoning to adhear.
Slide the spinny stick through the bum and straight along the backbone of the bird and get it going on the brrrm brrrm roundy roundy contraption.
Cook for approximately 2 hours, checking 2-3 times during the cooking process, or until the legs want to pull away from the body.
Remove goose from barbecue and rest for 10 minutes.
Carve. Eat. Be proud of your efforts.

BACON, CRANBERRY & HERB STUFFING FOR A GOOSE OR DUCK OR CHICKEN

2 rashers bacon, sliced
½ onion, small dice
1 clove garlic, crushed
½ cup dried cranberries, reconstituted with enough booze to cover them. White wine, brandy, marsala, anything boozy
4-5 sprigs fresh thyme, leaves picked
4-5 fresh sage leaves, chopped
2 slices sour dough bread, crusts removed, processed into a chunky crumb
1 egg
Salt and pepper, to season

• Sauté bacon, onion and garlic until onion is soft and translucent.
• Remove from heat, add craisins and toss to warm through slightly. Leave to cool.
• Combine all other ingredients and mix thoroughly.
• Check seasoning.
• Stuff it up the wrong un of your once happily free-ranging goose, duck, chicken, quail, guinea fowl, emu or snake. There is no delicate way to perform this task so get your hand right in there.
• The stuffing goes really well in a leftover roast goose sandwich with homemade mayo.