CHARLIE AND JESS

This is the breakfast I made for my friends Charlie and Jess (this is the third Jess on my list of pretend friends. Sorry about the unwillingness to engage the part of my brain that could help with that).

They are really nice people and I’m not sure what a blog is by definition but this blog is about Charlie as Jess’ breakfast today. That’s it.

Charlie is vegetarian so he got a triple egg, triple cheese Charlie burger deluxe. The funny thing is he had a short stint of being not vegetarian last year when he became secretly addicted to cheeseburgers from McDonald’s, and only cheese burgers from McDonald’s. He would order two or three at a time and eat them really fast so he didn’t feel so dirty about it. He was a vegeMctarian. He assures me that he is again resting conscience-free in the arms of hippiness, or a solely vegetable diet… with the odd splash of special gravy.

Jess eats anything (Yeah. I said anything), so she got the half a pound of pig with egg and cheese-o-saraus burger. Both with capsicum chilli chutney, onion jam and leaves from the back garden.

I am happy to report that they were both extremely happy with the result, and henceforth we shall remaineth friends.

Cheering and party noises go here.

CAPSICUM CHILLI CHUTNEY
This is good on burgers, terrine, cheese and stuff.
2 tins crushed tomatoes
6 long red chilli, deseed*, slice
1 brown onion, peeled, med dice
6 red capsicum, med dice
1 tablespoon grated ginger
5 cloves garlic, fine dice
500g brown sugar
100ml fish sauce
250ml red wine vinegar
• Put a heavy based pot on the stove
• Saute chilli, onion, capsicum, ginger and garlic until softened
• Add sugar and cook out until starting to bubble and caramelise
• Add tomatoes, fish sauce and vinegar
• Simmer for 45(ish) minutes on med heat, until starting to thicken and bubble like lava

ONION JAM
Put it on a steak with a lump of taleggio cheese and grill for 30 seconds for a kickass meal that you will not regret giving to your face to eat.
3kg brown onions, peeled and sliced
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup balsamic vinegar
• Sweat off your onions with a bit of oil and a teaspoon of salt, in a large, heavy based pot (you really need that heavy based thing of beauty for this type of chutney and jam making caper. No wait. Don’t listen to me. Just keep trying this in your old tin can pot and wonder why it always burns and sticks to the base)
• Cook them on a low heat for about half an hour, stirring often
• Add sugar and cook out until bubbling and almost sticking to the base
• Add vinegar and simmer for a further 10-15 minutes, until thick and awesome looking just like “The Hoff”

*leave the seeds in if you like it hot. Add more chillis if you like it really hot. Douse it in booze and set fire to it if you like it really really hot.