Nozza’s Midnight Mussel Extravaganza… sounds like a late night all male review.

No. Portarlington mussels were our choice. Fresh from the market and cooked at midnight by an Aussie rapper with a brim full of beer and cider, just to show you how easy this actually is.

*As for right now, it is the next day and I have a fuzzy brain. But I know for a fact that I had a damn good time last night. And for that I shall have to pay. This is not a “put it on the card” type of thing. The only way I know to fix the bill after a night like that is to offer the gods a sacrificial virgin maiden. But if the virgin is unattainable, and let’s face it there is slim chance of your dopey old ass being able to find a virgin, try these easy steps.
1. Lay on the couch.

2. Eat scrambled eggs with truffle and speck.

3. Eat smoked sausage, cheese, dill pickles and mustard on awesome bread.
4. Drink juice for vitamins, coffee for brain stimulation and neurofen to relieve the stabbing pain behind your eyes.
5. Eat some more. Lot’s more.
6.If all else fails sangria’s seem to be working quite well for me.

Due to this cook up being conducted at midnight details are sketchy. But I do know I laughed so much my face almost fell off, and my good friend Nozza did the cooking.

NOZZA’S CREAMY MUSSEL (he would have wanted it this way)

Like hyenas with a zebra carcass we gave way to our primitive instincts and got our faces messy. We didn’t use bowls, our bread was torn and hacked apart with our hands, mussels were sucked and slurped (hehe) and we left a huge effing mess. It seems the vikings had been, feasted on our food and our women and quite possibly had their way with out goats, and then disappeared into the dark chill of another cold Melbourne night… poetry…

2kg mussels, debearded
2 leeks, sliced
100g speck, sliced
3 cloves garlic, chopped
1 handful parsley
1 handful spinach just because it was in the fridge and the stupid thing doesn’t seem to be working to well so we thought we’d better use everything before it goes to shit
250ml thickened cream
1 stubby apple cider, and choose cider that tastes like cider, not a mix of cheap cask wine, lemonade and apple juice
No seasoning because the mussel will release their salty goodness into the broth when they open

Sauté the leek, speck and onion. When it’s soft add the mussels and cook, covered, for 5-ish minutes. Add everything else and simmer for another minute or until it looks like all of the mussels are open. Eat with a big fat loaf of some kind of awesome bread, boozy friends, and total disregard for table manners… just tonight though, OK.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… and probably again. Mussels are damn good. Simple to cook – and cooked simply is when they’re at their very best. Especially at 12:30 in the morning.