When I was a young lad (although I did get told I was still a young lad today… Granted it was by a sixty-something-year-old. I guess that shit is comparative to your current situation. What evs)… Anyway, when I was a child once a week we would have ham steaks with pineapple for dinner. Whoa. Settle down now. That’s not what I’m making tonight. I can remember it vividly though; a thick round of over processed meat that, for the purpose of this exercise, shall be known as ham, pan-fried and topped with a ring of “Golden Circle” pineapple. We loved it. I think we may have been carnies in the early years… Suppressed memories? Could be. Blatant denial? Probably. Just didn’t happen? Most likely. But that’s just how my story telling goes. Always back to the carnie…

So tonight I cook ham steaks. Kind of Christmassy really. Yeah, have this for Christmas lunch. I dare you! But I’m doing them with the best ham I can find at the butcher up the road (pretty glad right now that he does a really really good ham), the pineapple can eff off just because its not really my thing and I’ll serve it with apple slaw. You just can’t escape slaw at Foodisthebestshitever 90210. Slaw and a whole heap of randomness. I don’t even know if Pauly is a fan of slaw. He might secretly hate my posts for it… Something I’ll learn to live with I guess.

The slaw (get this done before you even start the ham)
1/4 drumhead (big green) cabbage, shredded as fine as your little hands can shred it. A mandoline is good for this…
1 carrot, grated
1 apple, grated (granny smith would be my choice (that’s an apple PS. Not a perverted sexual preference))
1 bulb of fennel, shredded (I didn’t have one today but I have it on good authority ie. me, that it will work great guns. I did manage to steal a few baby fennel fronds from our garden though)
1tablespoon apple cider vinegar
Enough homemade or good quality mayonnaise to coat it to your liking. I am the mayonnaise nazi remember?
• Mix all ingredients quick smart so your apple doesn’t oxidize (turn brown)

The ham
1 lump of ham, sliced thick like your step father
1-2 tablespoons of honey
• Lets douse that ham in honey and fry it up. 2-3 minutes each side on a med-high heat
• Now that’s a ham steak
• Remove the ham from the pan and add two tablespoons of water to the caramelised honey. Add another tablespoon of honey too, if you’re keen
• Warm through just to make a nice sweet glaze
• Sauce up your ham and eat it in your face

And next up… our roving reviewer, Liz McGuiness*

*May not be her actual name (Defo isn’t her actual name. Sounds pretty good though, eh)