This is seriously quicker than getting your fat ass into some trackie dacks, waddling to your car and heading out to a burger-of-ill-repute drive through (yeah I’m talking to you comic book guy). This is every five-ingredient-exploding-tastebud-techniques padiwans dream. Because let’s face it; who doesn’t like a good burger. I’ve rambled on about them before so I’ll spare you “notes from the diary of a burger fiend” today as a special once only, enjoy your Monday, introduction to the week offer. You better make one for dinner tonight.

And why is this called a dirty burger? Just because it is that’s why. I didn’t inquire about your stupid name, did I? It’s my burger and I’ll darn well call it whatever I want!

you dirty little burger

you dirty little burger

The dirty burger

When you break it down, not unlike MC Hammer did in his short lived popularity in the early nineties, a burger needs only a few good elements. Seasoned beef mince, a bun, some crisp lettuce and a dressing of some description. The rest is up to you. Lets do this…

get things that look like all the stuff in the photo and your on the home stretch...

get things that look like all the stuff in the photo and your on the home stretch…

1 handful beef mince

salt and pepper

a bun that you think you may enjoy. I stole mine from the baker at work

iceberg lettuce for some crunch

tomato sauce

  • Season the beef with salt and pepper and form into a good sized pattie
  • Use a flamethrower to cook it if you are a proper tough guy, otherwise a pan on the stove will do fine. Med-high heat, about three minutes each side
  • Done. Assemble the burger in what ever fashion you see fit
  • Eat it in your face. Nom nom nom

There, five ingredients… almost

The optional extras include mustard mayo, dill pickle, beetroot, onion, tomato, cheese and bacon, all of which I think deserve a place on this beast so it can truly be called “The Dirty Burger”.

You know your mouth is watering so get on to that shit homeboy. Eff yes!