A tasty good burger

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best hamburger recipe
There are a few things I don’t often shy away from in this life.

A good burger, helping an old friend and helping a old friend make a good burger… that and carnie racing. I really love carnie racing…

Recently I was asked for a recipe for a tasty burger, hence my stupid little anecdote. Needless to say, the words that follow will indeed help my old friend, and also yourselves, to make a tasty burger in the comfort of your own home.

Also, after a lot of trial and error I have decided that I like a burger pattie that is around the 150g mark or even slightly smaller. There was once a time when I truly believed bigger was better but since having employed my new burgertechnology ™ (and experience gained from that one time I ended up in a prison cell for the night) I have come to the conclusion that bigger is not actually always better. Littler can also be better sometimes. I have indeed fallen in love with the slightly crumbly, yet still hella juicy texture of the thin-ish pattie. That’s another kinda pointless little story to add to the collection.

Fry den beef patties and then get some cheese on top so it melts damn you

Fry them beef patties and then get some cheese on top so it melts damn you

Burger mis en place

Burger mis en place

Do not, i repeat, do not forget to make some chips (fries)

Do not, I repeat, do not forget to make some chips (fries)

It's good to put it all on a plate so as not to get your table all dirty

It’s good to put it all on a plate so as not to get your table all dirty

TASTY BURGER (serves 4)

500-600g beef mince
Salt and pepper to season
8 slices Jack cheese or tasty cheese
4 buns that you think you may like to encase your burger
20 slices pickled cucumber (there is some in the burger sauce but add extra if you are a pickle fan. I am a pickle fan)
A few lettuce leaves. I like the crunch and refreshing crispness of iceberg but what ever you have in the fridge will do the job
A few slices of tomato, sliced thin so the whole burger doesn’t collapse into your lap and make it look like your navel just gave birth
Tasty burger sauce (recipe follows)
Oven chips to serve

• Make 4 balls out of the mince, keeping them fairly even in size
• Squash them down with your hand or a pizza tray or a lump of wood, so they are about 1cm thick
• Heat a little oil in a hot pan or get your grill/bbq nice and hot
• Season patties and cook over highish heat for 2 minutes
• Flip patties and put two slices of cheese on each. Cook for another 2 minutes for medium doneness
• Assemble with tasty burger sauce, pattie, pickles, tomato, lettuce and then more tasty burger sauce on the top
• Get that shit into your face

Burger sauce and flowers. Pretty as fuck... and really tasty too... except possibly the flowers. I didn't eat the flowers

Burger sauce and flowers. Pretty as fuck… and really tasty too… except possibly the flowers. I didn’t eat the flowers

TASTY BURGER SAUCE AKA. RUSSIAN-ESQUE DRESSING

1 cup mayonnaise
¼ cup tomato sauce (ketchup)
¼ cup diced onion (from roughly ½ small onion)
¼ cup chopped dill pickles
2 teaspoons yellow mustard
1 teaspoon each Worcestershire sauce and hot sauce

• Pulse all ingredients in a food processer until combined or chop the onion and pickles nice and fine and mix it all together in a bowl
• Left over dressing is really good to dip hot chips into, or pretty much just put it on everything…

Getting ready

Getting ready

Fully going for it. Really tasty stuff. I thanked myself for this one

Fully going for it. Really tasty stuff. I thanked myself for this one

Christmas Pate for New Years Eve

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christmas pate
Just three things;

You probably still have a few Christmas leftovers.

You’re probably going to need something to snack tonight on as you fill your face with ridiculous amounts of cheap domestic champagne (or should that be bubbles? I know it should definitely be bubbles. Not Mr Bubbles though – he was a very dirty man with some very nasty hobbies from back in the 80’s), so when you empty your stomach over the hedge at 1am there is actually something in there and you don’t end up turning yourself inside out like a dirty sock.

You really don’t care about my year in summary, so I’ll just get in and out plenty fast and leave you with one final recipe (and no unexpected pregnancy – that’s a different type of in and out) for 2016.

I would kinda hope that if you don’t have leftovers it would be obvious that you can cook some meat specifically for it… but hey, I’m certainly not holding my breath…. And you shouldn’t either, because if you do you could die from suffocating.

(Yep. I know that is 4 things. That whole counting thing gets me every time. And then I can’t even be assed to go back to the top of the page and change the 3 to a 4, but instead I write a paragraph about how special I am and you get to smile smugly to yourself as you realise your life aint actually that bad)

*must remember to be nicer to stupid people in 2016*

Getting it all together. This is way too easy

Getting it all together. This is way too easy


Blitz it up

Blitz it up


Eat it with crusty bread and pickled things. I really can't believe how easy that was

Eat it with crusty bread and pickled things. I really can’t believe how easy that was


CHRISTMAS PATE

250g leftover roast chicken or goose, roughly chopped
250g leftover Christmas ham, roughly chopped
½ cup of stuffing or a few cooked chicken livers if you have some
a few elves and/or reindeer if there are still some about and you need to get them the fuck out of your face
a bit of leftover Christmas cheer… although, that’s probably well and truly gone by now
¼ cup aioli
a handful of mixed herbs such as parsley, sage and thyme, chopped
100g butter, melted
seasoning (or just wait a little longer until the credit card bills start rolling in and then you can season it with your own glistening tears)

• Blitz meats in a food processer until you have a coarse paste
• Add all ingredients except butter and pulse until combined. Don’t go too far with the pulsing here because you want the pate to have a little texture
• Check seasoning. Cry a little more if it needs it
• Scoop pate into something that will hold it… enamelware seems to be quite trendy at the mo’. Top with a few extra herbs (if you have some left. It’s not like I told you to reserve some or anything. soz) and melted butter and place in the refrigerator to set for 15-20 minutes
• Serve with crusty bread and pickled things from the garden
• Seriously, happy New Year folks. Thanks for all of the fun in 2015. It’s been ripping!

A farm in the hills makes a pretty damn good setting to eat your pate

A farm in the hills makes a pretty damn good setting to eat your pate