The Big (Red) Mac

A lot of people call me Big Red, hence the name of this burger.

It’s pretty easy to make a bloody good version/copy/something of “that” burger at home. Here’s the steps involved;

1. Head to your local Micky D’s family drive thru restaurant.
2. Keep driving past said restaurant until you reach a local butcher of good repute, where you will purchase some freshly ground beef mince. None of that heart-smart lean shit though – not that I have anything against the whole reduce cholesterol and heart disease thing mind you. It’s just that today you would like some beef mince with a little fat in it. The slightly diabetic, pimply faced kid who serves you at Micky D’s would approve. Trust me.
3. Now you shall drive a little further and find yourself at a bakery, or bread shop, where you shall buy your buns. Brioche, milk buns or potato buns all work well for this monster. One and a half buns per person please.
4. One last stop for your vegetables and assorted other bits and pieces including your cheese. It will be some kind of burger cheese for this one PS. It’s really not the time for halloumi or goat curd, sorry.
5. Now get yo’ arse home and let’s get this fucking show on the road.

It really is a pretty simple list of ingredients
Just bloody delicious


THE BIG (RED) MAC

(per burger)

250 g fresh beef mince
1 ½ buns
2 slices burger cheese
4 slices pickle
Shredded iceberg lettuce
Finely diced white onion
Special sauce (recipe can be found here)
Salt and pepper or your favourite BBQ beef seasoning

Divide the mince into 2 balls of roughly equal size, flatten them out between 2 pieces of baking paper until just under 1 cm thick and then set aside.
Get your special sauce made and your salady bits sliced and diced.
Heat your BBQ flat grill (or heavy based skillet) until hot and lubricate that sucker with a splash of canola or another neutral flavoured oil. Season your beef patties with a little salt and pepper (or BBQ seasoning) and then press down seasoned surface onto the grill.
After 2 minutes flip patties and press down a little to keep that good thickness.
After another 2 minutes remove patties from grill and set aside in a 90 C oven or cover with foil to keep warm.
Cut your buns and get them toasting. I like to grill my buns cut side down on a flat grill (or in a heavy based skillet). That way they get a little toasty on the inside but are still soft on the outside and they steam themselves a little in the middle.
The piece of bun that goes in the middle can go in the toaster.
And now we shall put it all together.
In this order from bottom up; bottom bun, 1-2 tablespoon special sauce, lettuce, 1 slice of cheese, 1 pattie, a sprinkle of diced onion, middle bun, 1-2 tablespoon special sauce, lettuce, 4 slices pickle, 1 beef pattie, a sprinkle of diced onion, the top of the bun.
Frigging get into that.

A tasty good burger

best hamburger recipe
There are a few things I don’t often shy away from in this life.

A good burger, helping an old friend and helping a old friend make a good burger… that and carnie racing. I really love carnie racing…

Recently I was asked for a recipe for a tasty burger, hence my stupid little anecdote. Needless to say, the words that follow will indeed help my old friend, and also yourselves, to make a tasty burger in the comfort of your own home.

Also, after a lot of trial and error I have decided that I like a burger pattie that is around the 150g mark or even slightly smaller. There was once a time when I truly believed bigger was better but since having employed my new burgertechnology ™ (and experience gained from that one time I ended up in a prison cell for the night) I have come to the conclusion that bigger is not actually always better. Littler can also be better sometimes. I have indeed fallen in love with the slightly crumbly, yet still hella juicy texture of the thin-ish pattie. That’s another kinda pointless little story to add to the collection.

Fry den beef patties and then get some cheese on top so it melts damn you
Fry them beef patties and then get some cheese on top so it melts damn you

Burger mis en place
Burger mis en place

Do not, i repeat, do not forget to make some chips (fries)
Do not, I repeat, do not forget to make some chips (fries)

It's good to put it all on a plate so as not to get your table all dirty
It’s good to put it all on a plate so as not to get your table all dirty

TASTY BURGER (serves 4)

500-600g beef mince
Salt and pepper to season
8 slices Jack cheese or tasty cheese
4 buns that you think you may like to encase your burger
20 slices pickled cucumber (there is some in the burger sauce but add extra if you are a pickle fan. I am a pickle fan)
A few lettuce leaves. I like the crunch and refreshing crispness of iceberg but what ever you have in the fridge will do the job
A few slices of tomato, sliced thin so the whole burger doesn’t collapse into your lap and make it look like your navel just gave birth
Tasty burger sauce (recipe follows)
Oven chips to serve

• Make 4 balls out of the mince, keeping them fairly even in size
• Squash them down with your hand or a pizza tray or a lump of wood, so they are about 1cm thick
• Heat a little oil in a hot pan or get your grill/bbq nice and hot
• Season patties and cook over highish heat for 2 minutes
• Flip patties and put two slices of cheese on each. Cook for another 2 minutes for medium doneness
• Assemble with tasty burger sauce, pattie, pickles, tomato, lettuce and then more tasty burger sauce on the top
• Get that shit into your face

Burger sauce and flowers. Pretty as fuck... and really tasty too... except possibly the flowers. I didn't eat the flowers
Burger sauce and flowers. Pretty as fuck… and really tasty too… except possibly the flowers. I didn’t eat the flowers

TASTY BURGER SAUCE AKA. RUSSIAN-ESQUE DRESSING

1 cup mayonnaise
¼ cup tomato sauce (ketchup)
¼ cup diced onion (from roughly ½ small onion)
¼ cup chopped dill pickles
2 teaspoons yellow mustard
1 teaspoon each Worcestershire sauce and hot sauce

• Pulse all ingredients in a food processer until combined or chop the onion and pickles nice and fine and mix it all together in a bowl
• Left over dressing is really good to dip hot chips into, or pretty much just put it on everything…

Getting ready
Getting ready

Fully going for it. Really tasty stuff. I thanked myself for this one
Fully going for it. Really tasty stuff. I thanked myself for this one