A Mexi feast that would make a Mexican proud… possibly… i don’t know any Mexicans I can ask…

This is the Mexi Fiesta we served at work. A photo of the domestic version is down below
This is the Mexi Fiesta we served at work. A photo of the domestic version is down below

Recently, at my place of paid employment, I cooked a Mexican fiesta for anyone and everyone to try… providing they had a burro for transportation, a fake big black moustache and the fare of six silver pesos to pay their way.


After a day of sending out feast after feast after proud gringo Mexicano feast, I came to the conclusion that it would be silly, nay, down right irresponsible of me to not consume this same damn tasty looking spread of Mexican influenced treats for my own dinner that evening. A quick call was placed to my darling Jennee to determine if she was conducive to the idea. Upon hearing her reply in the negative, followed by a heap of other dribble that I missed due to the fact I had stopped listening and went to my special place where I was definitely eating a Mexican feast for my evening meal, I decided I WOULD BE be eating a Mexi feast all of my own because I was bloody well cooking the dinner and I am the boss of this house and… and… and Jennee could have some too if she was extra nice… or even just if she wanted to eat some because my dream bubble has burst and I have come crashing back through the walls of my dream world, all covered in bubbly juice – bubbly afterbirth if you will, into the reality that Jennee is the boss of me and she is very nice and I should start digging upwards sometime soon…


So in the true spirit of the theme I smuggled my dinner out of the kitchen under the dress of a pregnant woman, and then quickly got it into the back of an old F100 truck which sped away to safety…


We also had sangria with our Mexican Fiesta because a Mexican fiesta without sangria is not a Mexican fiesta at all. It actually becomes null and void. It becomes consciously uncoupled (yep) from the glorious heights it could have reached. So now that I have segued Gweneth’s quote of the year into that story I feel my work here is done. Time to move onto the recipe!


Pork and beans...
Pork and beans…
plus tortilla...
plus tortilla…
plus a bit of all of this other stuff...
plus a bit of all of this other stuff…
equals happy Grazza!
equals happy Grazza!


PORK WITH KIDNEY BEANS AND ROAST CAPSICUM (as part of a fiesta for 6 or so. Or a cracking dinner for one big fat bastard… I’d do it)
500g left over pork shoulder roast (or braise 500g pork shoulder on a low heat with a sliced onion, salt and pepper and 1 cup water for 1.5-2 hours or until tender), shredded with a fork
1 brown onion, diced
3 cloves garlic, crushed
1 fresh jalepeno chilli, sliced
2 fire roasted red capsicum (make your own or get them from a jar if you’re feeling lazy), diced
3 ripe tomatoes, diced
2 bay leaves
2 tablespoons mexi-seasoning (recipe follows)
2 400g tins kidney beans
¼ cup olive oil
A handful of fresh coriander and sliced radish to serve
• Sauté onion and garlic in olive oil until translucent
• Add everything else except pork and beans, and cook out over low heat for 10 minutes
• Add pork and beans and cook for a further 10 minutes, adding a splash of water (or pork juices if you were smart enough to keep them) if it starts to get a bit dry. For dry beans are like… um… well, other dry things that shall not be discussed on these pages now or ever
• Check seasoning and adjust if necessary
• Garnish and serve
• Serve with a pile of other mexi goodies. No, I am not referring to a cheap Mexican rip off of the classic English comedy from the ‘80s, The Goodies. Although I would be really keen to see it if it does exist… But I am referring to dishes like beef ribs with mole sauce, salsa picante, charred corn rice, pickled jalapeño ‘slaw, yoghurt (I always have yoghurt with my Mexican) and tortillas to make a little Mexican sandwich of mucho goodness. Ole!


1/2 tablespoon ground dried chilli

1/2 tablespoon dried thyme

1 tablespoon dried oregano

2 tablespoons whole cumin, roasted and ground

CHICKEN MOLE POBLANO… is it good? It’s Mexcellent!

Today we have Mexican because it’s El Gringo Mexicano Wednesday (yes, you may have noticed I prefixed Gringo Mexicano Wednesday with “El”. I think it gives it a more authentic feel…) at our place and when it’s El Gringo Mexicano Wednesday you eat Mexican food, something similar to Mexican food, something you can convince people is Mexican food or eff it, liquid din-dins it and get a bottle of tequila.

We will delve into the world of chocolate, and it’s not any kind of pervy goo to cover your girlfriend with and lick her slowly from head to t… I mean to say, and it’s a main meal. Mental

“Chocolate in a savoury dish” I hear you say. “Really? Is it good?”

Is it good? It’s mexellent. It’s mextrordinary. It’s mextremely delicious. It’s, it’s… Gone off course APU (this is the acronym for as per usual. I have decided to act like a trendy hipster youth and create my own shit). Many ancient cultures, wise old chefs and smelly little hobbits have been doing it for years. Why? Simply because they are smarter then you. Except for the hobbits. Fuck knows what’s up with them.


And now the same text translated into Spanish…
Hoy tenemos al mejicano porque es el Gringo El-Mexicano el miércoles (sí, usted puede haber notado que prefijé al Gringo Mexicano el miércoles ‘con El-‘. Pienso que esto le da una sensación más auténtica …) en nuestro lugar y cuando es el Gringo El-Mexicano el miércoles usted come el alimento mejicano, algo similar al alimento mejicano, algo que usted puede convencer a la gente es el alimento mejicano o eff ello, alboroto de alboroto líquido ello y conseguir una botella de la tequila.

Cavaremos en el mundo de chocolate, y esto no es ninguna clase de la sustancia viscosa pervy para cubrir a su novia de y lamerla despacio de la cabeza a t … pienso decir, y esto es una comida principal. Mental

“Chocolate en un plato sabroso” oigo que usted dice. ¿“Realmente? ¿Está bien?”

¿Está bien? Esto es mexellent. Esto es mextrordinary. Es mextremely delicioso. Es, es… APU de curso marchadose (este es la sigla para según habitual. He decidido actuar como una juventud de aficionado al jazz moderna y crear mi propia mierda). Muchas culturas antiguas, los viejos jefes de cocina sabios y pequeño hobbits maloliente han estado haciéndolo durante años. ¿Por qué? Simplemente porque ellos son más elegantes entonces usted. Excepto el hobbits. Joda sabe lo que aumenta con ellos.


And now the Spanish text translated back into English…
Today we have the Mexican one because the Yankee is The Mexican on Wednesday (yes, you can have noticed that I prearranged the Mexican Yankee on Wednesday ‘ with – ‘. I think that this gives him a more authentic sensation …) in our place and when the Yankee is The Mexican on Wednesday you eat the Mexican food, slightly similar to the Mexican food, something that you can convince the people is the Mexican food or eff it, I make a row of liquid clamor it and to obtain a bottle of the tequila.

We will dig in the world of chocolate, and this is not any class of the viscous substance pervy to cover his fiancée of and to lick her slowly from the head to t … I think to say, and this is a principal meal. Mental

“ Chocolate in a tasty dish ” I hear that you say. “ really? Is it well? ”

Is it well? This is mexellent. This is mextrordinary. It is mextremely deliciously. It is, it is… APU of course gone (this is the acronym for as habitually. I have decided to act as a youth fan’s of the jazz modern and to create my own shit). Many ancient cultures, the old wise chefs and small smelly hobbits have been doing it for years. Why? Simply because they are more elegant of that time you. Except the hobbits. Fuck it is known what it increases with them.

serve it in a little clay bowl or flower pot for authenticity

MOLE POBLANO with chicken
I have actually seriously considered omitting (yeah. Word of legends, I know) the chicken and tweeking this into a dessert. Once again, mental.

2kg boneless chicken thigh, cut in half
2 cloves
1 cinnamon quill
40g mexican chocolate (if you can’t get hold of it use dark chocolate or dutch cocoa)
1 400g tin diced tomatoes

the almond paste
1 corn tortilla, grilled or roasted with a little oil until brown
40g raisins or sultanas
50g almonds, roasted
2 Tbls pepitas, roasted
2 Tbls sesame seeds, roasted
1 Tbls coriander seed, roasted and ground
2 cloves garlic
2 dried long red chillis, soaked in hot water for 20 minutes (it should have ancho and pastilla chillis but you may have to use the internet for these… unless you have a Mexican grocer on the corner or, of course live in Mexico)
1/4 cup water
• blitz ingredients for almond paste until it nice and pasty like your chefs’ tan.
• fry paste off in a little oil until you are starting to detect delicious aromas with your nose. Yep. I’m afraid your nose is in charge of this one.
• Add all other ingredients except chicken thigh and chuck some salt and pepper in there too.
• Simmer for 15-20 minutes.
• Add chicken and simmer for another half hour or so, until the chicken is cooked.
• Taste, adjust seasoning, serve, eat.

Serve with tomatillo salsa or jalepeno relish, pepitas, sour cream, lime, grilled corn, rice, and whatever the heck else you want. You are the one eating it after all..

Eat it and then go and have a siesta on the hammock next to your old clay shed in the backyard. You know, the one next to your herd of three goats. Yeah you know…