Big assed risotto with chicken, chorizo and prawns to impress a crowd

aaaah, glorious
aaaah, glorious

When I pulled myself out of bed this morning I was met with the lingering smell of smoky goodness from our adventures the previous evening (just to clarify they were cooking adventures) and they memories came flooding back. No, that’s a lie. The memories sporadically trickled in like David Hasslehoffs fan mail.

A fuck off big paella pan screams out that you are not messing around in the kitchen tonight. Even if you are pan-frying two small children, you’re still not messing around. And this evening our paella pan screamed out to me.

So for the last day of work in my current employment, I decided what better way to say “fuck you life is going to be shit without me”… or maybe “thanks for having me, it’s been swell”, then to bring out my paella pan and cook a couple of small children (not local of course) if front of their very eyes. Now I don’t know if they came to say good bye, wish me well or just celebrate the fact I was getting out of their lives, but the thing is they came so I thought I should maybe put something a little more aesthetically pleasing on the table.

mis en place ready to go
mis en place ready to go
get Zac to cook
get Zac to cook


a good salad is a good accompaniment
a good salad is a good accompaniment


mmmm. It tasted really good

Big assed risotto with chicken, chorizo, prawns, fennel and pickled chilli for a crowd

5 chicken marylands, free range fool, cut into three pieces. Roast that shit!

4 chorizo sausage, sliced

1kg king prawns

2 brown onions, diced

2 fennel bulbs, sliced

5 cloves garlic, bashed in a back alley brawl

1 quarter preserved lemon, flesh and pith removed, bruniose

1 lemon myrtle leaf, chiffonade

1kg risotto rice (aborio etc)

4lt hot stock – chicken or vegetable is good

5 guindillas (Spanish pickled chillis)

  • First you get one of your guests, say Soraya, to light the chiminea on the verandah
  • Once the smoke has died down get the paella pan hot, splash a little oil in the pan to heat up, then tell Zac the kitchen hand that he is going to start cooking dinner now
  • Get your self a beer and start instructing Zac on his culinary adventure
  • Sauté the onions, fennel, garlic and chorizo until fragrant and the chorizo is starting to free itself of its lovely red oil
  • Season
  • Add chicken, preserved lemon, lemon myrtle and rice
  • Cook out for a couple of minutes
  • Add stock and cook for 10-ish minutes, shaking the pan every couple of minutes, until rice is almost done
  • Add prawns and, if the risotto has taken all the liquid, add a little more stock (hot water will do because you’ve probably already used all of your stock) and cover with alfoil
  • Cook for another 5 minutes until this prawns are done
  • Garnish with guindillas, a squeeze of lemon and a splash of olive oil
  • Serve straight from the pan at the table, just so everyone remembers how OG you are
  • Get another beer and sit back and bask in your glory


What becomes of the broken bunnies?

After our effing fantastic flood relief rabbit cook up last night (or two nights ago now) there was still a bit of chicken and rabbit left. I always have fun with leftovers. I wait until everybody has left the house and then I sit back and have a glass of wine and I slowly… No. Not that much fun!

I know a lot of people who won’t do leftovers, but I like to think that I’ve had the forethought of mind to get my mis-en-place ready for a couple of meals tomorrow. The actual facts may state that I over catered, or maybe I don’t have as many friends as I thought I did, but I’ll stick to my original story…

smoked chicken, bacon, cheese and mayonnaise toastie for breakfast
smoked chicken, bacon, cheese and mayonnaise toastie for breakfast

The truth about the chicken is last night… I woke up at four o’clock and had an insane craving for a chicken, bacon, cheese and mayonnaise toasted sandwich…I don’t know if someone may have cheekily got me pregnant or intravenously gave me a big ol’ J, but I wanted that shit bad. If we had mayonnaise in the fridge it would’ve happened. I seriously contemplated making said mayonnaise but the thought of waking the wiffy with the sound of kitchen antics didn’t really appeal to me. I am a smart man. So anyway, I woke and the craving was still solidly there. So that’s what I did with the left over chicken.

The rabbit fell prey to my love of pâté and things of the like (charcuterie). Blitzed up with its stuffing and a knob of butter, that would be my dinner this evening. Served in awesome style with guindillas (Spanish pickled chillis. Try them, they’re magic), olives, pickled slaw and croutons. Great work me.

no through road alright
no through road alright
the same road... with road included
the same road… with road included


the broken bunny
the broken bunny

I took a heap of really nice photos of the rabbit pate but it seems that my camera is having some more personality issues and wants to go and join the circus and live the life of a travelling performer. So alas, it refuses to do the duties it was born to do, thus making itself redundant. Last time I checked there is no retirement/pension plan for cameras so I guess it will be joining the queue at the local soup kitchen. What can I say? It was fun while it lasted… at least the flood waters have subsided and the rains are now but a mere trickle (not unlike an old man at the urinal at the local RSL), so the walk into town with it’s hobo pack should be a little more comfortable. If you see a stray Cannon camera trekking on the highway maybe offer him a ride… and tell him he will always have a special spot in my heart, but I got no room for baggage around here.