Iluka 2466, day two

Day two.

Bacon, eggs, tomato, mushrooms with goat curd, toast. I can start the day like this
Bacon, eggs, tomato, mushrooms with goat curd, toast. I can start the day like this

We opt for breakfast at the house as Iluka is one of those places that has “tastee omelet” (quoted directly from the menu) or “baked beans on toast for $6.50” type breakfast joints. I’m not saying that I’m a food snob but… I’m just not feeling the baked beans on cheap white bread toast thing today. Besides, we bought some bacon by the Mount Warning Smokehouse. These guys know how to smoke pork. Nuff said.

As soon as we’re done with breakfast the conversation turns to the evening meal, and who is that strange looking old man who has been peering through the kitchen window for the last hour? Being that it is a fishing town where we are staying we decided it would be crazy if we didn’t indulge in a seafood extravaganza of some description, and the old guy at the window, his name is Jim. Apparently you shouldn’t take any of the free “vitamin” supplements he may offer you. Also, he is banned from going within twenty meters of a public toilet.

I truly love holidays. Thinking about the word itself; holiday. If we were to break it down we would have holy day, and my friends the prophecy was realised in the form of a kick ass seafood bbq. Absolutely true blue Aussie style. Back verandah barbeque seafood cook up. I just about wet my pants. We started at the Fisherman’s Co-op where the young lady informed me that everything they sold was caught locally; this is virtually fore play to me. I acknowledged her advances and proceeded to woo her with the purchase of a fat bag of seafood. Leather jacket (a species of fish for those who don’t know. You haven’t been magically transported to a freaking “Grease” stage play, people), squid, king prawns and crabs. We shared a cigarette and I was on my way.

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Porn
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Marinated porn
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BBQed porn
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My plate of porn

A simple marinade for the bounty was garlic, lemon zest, parsley, chilli, ginger (a bit of east meets west) and oil… and just a splash of beer when it hit the barbie*. Washed down with a heap of corona. Holidays rock my world.
*Barbie. Slang for barbeque. I am not condoning the use of seafood to beat up clearly diseased plastic dolls.

Burgers for boy’s night

Burgers for boy’s night

It was myself and my sons Seba and Obi, both young. Probably to young to be watching hardcore porn and drinking straight whiskey, but it was boy’s night so I’ll let the age thing slide. And we also had the company of their cousin Gareth, who was doing work experience at the restaurant I ran at the time. Needless to say, shit went down. And a lot of that shit shall not ever be repeated.

the drawing that got it all started (including knife and fork... crazy kid. Who eats a burger with a knife and fork?)
exhibit “A”. The drawing that got it all started (including knife and fork… crazy kid. Who eats a burger with a knife and fork?)
the cross section. So I did use a knife. Whatever dude
the cross section. So I did use a knife. Whatever dude

So this is how the burger went down. First it started kissing my chest, and then down to my abdomen and… whoa there nelly. Let’s keep this a C-grade comical story at the very least.

The protagonists and their steeds…

Obi. The instigator of the burger night through a drawing that made me desire a chicken burger since a few night ago. He drew a picture which we shall call exhibit “A”, and said picture had explicit detail of chicken, sausage, beetroot, lettuce, etc. Although a child’s drawing of a burger is all it takes to get me going, it was the excitement and feeling that was behind the explanation that really got me moist.

Seba. My eldest son. Eater of burgers of any race, colour or creed. He demolished a couple with the lot without a second thought.

Gareth. His mouth is an earthly end for a lot of food. And kudos to the little (a general tern of endearment, not his actual size) guy, he smothered all of the burgers he ate (yeah. ALL of the burgers. Implying that he didn’t eat just one or two burgers) in saricha hot chilli sauce. I wonder how he went the next day. His first burger was compiled thus; bun, chicko shnitto, egg, cheese, cucumber, pickle, lettuce, beetroot, mayonnaise, heaps of hot sauce. I was impressed with his love of hot sauce. I love hot sauce too. I also love hot, saucy women. Yeah that’s right Jennee.

this is how we do it
this is how we do it
yeah boyee
yeah boyee
Gareth earns his burger... no good enough for a second beer though
Gareth earns his burger… no good enough for a second beer though. Cheeky little bugger

That’s all. Go now and make a burger for thee shalt be happy.

But before I leave you today I would just like to mention that it would not surprise me in the slightest if I married a burger one day (if I ever break up with Jen). I’m sure there would be a massive protest and all of the villagers would come out with their pitch forks and goats horns and placards stating “God does not approve”. But me, not surprised at all, happy with my decision. I am in love with burgers and their seductive ways.

Re-reading that statement, maybe it would be wiser (not to mention the social acceptability) to open a burger joint… Recent studies have shown that half the people in the world love a good burger. Also, 50% of the people in the world make up half of the worlds population. Also, I may not be basing these findings on any factual evidence of any kind. That’s rock ‘n’ roll baby. On with the show…

a butter chicken curry for richy

“I got given a bunch of curry leaves from a lady at work, I haven’t used them before. How about a little recipe for me my old mukka? (no red meat so Bronia can enjoy 2) no pressure of course!” Richy


Aw me old mate Richy. My other BFFF. A recipe using curry leaves would be the very least I would do for this guy (and his lovely lady)…

First thing to know about curry leaves is if you have heaps and your tree is getting a little out of control, cut it back and dry them out. Tie them up in a bunch and hang them on your verandah, or on a curtain rod in a warm window if you live in an inner city apartment, to dry out…

Fried curry leaves can be added to dahl or chutneys, and are also good combined with fried chilli and garlic to use as a garnish for Indian curries… Mmmm, curry. I think I have to give you a curry recipe because I am literally salivating for one right now. I’m fucked if someone comes in and sees me drooling on the keyboard… I’ll just pretend I was looking at porn. Hmmm. Anyway, everyone likes butter chicken curry right? Well now you can make it for yerself (you should probably thank Pauly for this one because he was the person to introduce me to butter chicken all those years ago).

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BUTTER CHICKEN CURRY for a few people with heaps of leftovers for tomorrow. Trust me, you want leftovers.

2kg chicken thigh, cut into 3-4 pieces each

½ cup natural yoghurt

1 tspn tumeric

2 tspn garam masala

1 pinch chilli flakes, or more if you like it hot, or less if you are a pussy

1 tspn ground cumin

2 tbls sweet paprika

1 pinch ground cardamon

1 small knob ginger, peeled & grated

2 cloves garlic, crushed

30-40g roasted macadamias, blitzed or pounded or pulverised

1 brown onion onion

make a paste* and marinate chicken in above ingredients overnight if possible, or a few hours at the least

2 cinnamon quills

1 bay leaf

5-6 curry leaves

50g unsalted butter

250g tomato paste

150ml chicken stock

1 cup cream

On a med-low heat, fry off marinated chicken in butter 5-10 minutes, add tomato paste and cook a further 5 minutes.

I like to add a couple of diced potatoes right now (desiree or dutch cream or kipfler) but you certainly don’t have to. I’m not the boss of you, I know.

Add all other ingredients and simmer until just cooked (so the chicken don’t break down).

Check seasoning (just for something different) and eat with heaps of accompaniments.

PS. You don’t want the curry to boil or the yoghurt will split…

Serve with steamed basmati rice, cucumber salad, some kind of riata, a chutney, some pappadoms or naan bread… you get the picture. If you want to impress ‘someone’ but are a little bit time-poor you can get the rice and condiments on your way home from work at the local Indian restaurant.

It might look like it has quite a few ingredients, probably because it has, but it’s not really that complicated if you know your way around your spice cabinet.

*make a paste. If I ever say this and forget to explain what it means, it’s because I think you are smart enough to have learnt by now it means MAKE A PASTE. Pound with a mortar and pestle or blitz in a food processor or blender.