Amy and Justin come to stay part 2… burgers, flies and the swimming pool

That’s right. Part 2 in the Amy and Justin saga… no stay at our house would be complete without a swim in the pool, a conversation with the colony of flies that lives on our verandah, and a burger…

It’s hot out. It’s pretty bloody hot in too, to be totally honest. The dogs lay in the shade panting, their tongues are hanging out like the old prostitute’s clitoris. The cacti are wilting. The flies are out in force like teenage kids at a Facebook party, these flies know shit is going down today. Right here. We sit on the verandah a cool glass of something white in hand. I have no idea what it is but it goes down easy (there’s a joke in there for sure. Use your dirty little mind to tell you what it is!). A little too easy. And another… but now I think it’s time for a beer. Justin agrees. We sit on the verandah drinking aforementioned beer, and conversing with previously discussed flies. And by conversing I kinda just mean we were swearing at them and turning into karate experts instantly as they swarmed around us for a closer listen. Apparently they were hard of hearing, or maybe just unable to understand our strange murmurings… Justin decided their numbers couldn’t support a sustainable existence for their species so he would cull a few and try to thin out the population. I decided it would be best if I stuck to what I knew, so I got started on dinner.

come...
come…
here little...
here little…
fly!
fly! Ay…

Hamburgers on the fire seemed like a good choice, because let’s face it; no stay at our place is complete with a burger of some description. Sometimes I think that I may actually have an unhealthy obsession with the burger and the person who created it! A deep seeded passion that makes me desire one every other day. Then I go trawling for some really overweight people outside McDonalds and ask them if they think burgers are a great meal option. I always come out reassured and back on top… I digress. Burgers on the fire. As I moved from our fort in the shade to light the fire that my silly brain told me would be a good idea to light to cook the burgers on, I was immediately reminded that the day was bloody hot, and there was no bloody way I was going to be cooking on a open fire in this damned heat! I got no more then three steps toward the fire pit when my smart brain hooked my course drastically to the left, which inadvertently lead me straight to the pool gate.

A quick swim and then back to this dinner…

BURGERS WITH PARMESAN OVEN CHIPS (for 6 or more)

For the burger patties

2kg freshly ground beef mince

1 heaped teaspoon each salt and white pepper

  • You can stop right there if you wish, and normally I do, but today I felt like a burger more similar to the ones my mum used to make, so I added one finely diced red onion and one grated carrot
  • Now mix well and form into patties 200g-ish (or as big as you want. Just remember, the bigger the patttie the longer it will take to cook. Sound obvious? It should be but truly isn’t)
  • Cook those bad boys on a high heat to get a bit of caramelisation going on. This helps the burger taste really good. They should take about 3 minutes each side*. If they start to get too much colour then drop the heat a bit until they are done to your liking. Don’t be afraid of a little bit of pink in the middle

Stuff that is good to go on burgers

  • Iceberg lettuce
  • Ripe tomato
  • Raw onion
  • Dill pickles
  • Provolone cheese
  • Mayonnaise
  • Tomato sauce
mmmmm
mmmmm

Parmesan oven chips

  • Cook chips how you would normally cook them; oven, deep frier, barrel of whale blubber, what ever
  • As soon as they’re done whack them in a bowl and chuck in a handful of grated reggiano parmesan and some chopped parsley

Beer

  • Your fridge. If there is no beer in your fridge you may need to consider going to the bottlo (bottleshop for those of you not in the know) and purchase some with local currency

Good company

  • Find your own or pay a homeless guy to pretend

*Heston Blumenthal has a theory that the meat should be turned every 15seconds or so, and this helps to keep the meat moist. He also has a cracker of a theory behind the best burgers which you should probably also suss out and try it out if you have the means. Let me know how you go… click this.

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