Paul’s Caul – Bexhill catch-ups and a cracking roasted cauliflower, chorizo and black pudding salad

cauliflower, chickpea, chorizo salad
Bexhill catch-ups 2016

For all those playing at home, I don’t have red hair and a beard and I’m not G-bags Mcfilthy mouth… no, I am not the father of this blog, I’m perhaps best described as this blogs estranged brother that likes to drop by unannounced and expects every thing that’s great about writing a blog whilst having no responsibility at all… yes that is me in a delicious nut shell, I’m simply a man called Paul who has a shit load to say about food and anything even slightly related to it, like travel, drinking and eating of said food.

I’m a chef that has been cooking for over 20 years all over the place and I have been extremely fortunate to have known G-bags for all of that time. We share a love of food, swearing and most importantly telling the whole fucking world about it, so a blog seemed inevitable. I’m honoured he allows my scribbling’s to be part of foodisthebestshitever and I hope you enjoy them just as much as we love bacon, but lets face it that’s asking quite a lot. Paul – Paul’s Caul

Nothing much excites me as much as a good old fashioned cook up, add to this equation one of my best mates and his awesome family a location in the majestic hinterlands of NSW, and what you have is a formula for some effing good times. So with many weeks of anticipation building and dreams of roasting pork on an open fire pit whilst laughing so hard your cheeks hurt (not in a keep dropping the soap kinda way). The day finally arrived for Lauren and I to visit the Stockdale’s in Bexhill and we were rife with excitement. What’s more we weren’t alone in this feeling, word had gotten to me via many forms of modern tech that the Stockdale’s had some come down with a bad case of happiness anticipation, only known cure was a full dose of us.

We arrived at ‘Bangalow Bowlo’, home of ‘The Stockpot Kitchen’ thanks to lift from Lauren’s brother in law Marty, and after a awkward start of me introducing myself to a complete stranger thinking he was someone of importance in the Bowlo (he was literally a nobody) I spotted a large bearded man discussing a large hole that had just been dug. Now the scene did make me think of numerous gangster movies where all we needed was some lime and a few dead bodies, but with that aside I realised said bearded man was in fact my dear friend ‘G-bags Mcfilthy Mouth’ and the hole was soon to be a new fire pit with spit. It goes without saying that the following embrace and greetings all round were nothing short of magical. Graeme gave a brief tour of his kitchen and we headed off to see his beautiful wife Jen, she was playing soccer so we picked up his boys Seba and obi, before heading back to their home to kick off festivities.

Pork belly over the coals is always a good idea... especially when in the company of charred prawns and green papaya salad with nam jim
Pork belly over the coals is always a good idea… especially when in the company of charred prawns and green papaya salad with nam jim

Let me clarify exactly what festivities means on this particular occasion, for us it always seems to start by hitting up the bottle shop, Graeme’s drink of choice was a carton of Coopers ale and for us it was a bottle of gin. Next it doesn’t matter what you have planned as all that will ever happen is we get really drunk, laugh heaps, eat heaps and somehow (and we literally have no idea how this happens) cook dinner. The day panned out exactly like that finishing with a mouth watering piece of Pork belly accompanied by green papaya salad and some BBQ’ed prawns for good measure.

What makes meals at Casa Stockdale always exponentially better than your average cook up is the wealth of produce produced right there, whether it be from their papaya tree or herbs from garden or pig meat from their local farmer. It truly is a chef’s playground and boy do I like to play in this place, Graeme seems to always bring out the best in me, we wax lyrically about food and before you know it we are conjuring ideas in our heads that excites the bejusus out of us. We scurry off to the shops to source what’s needed in said creations, whilst never loosing sight of the alcohol that is required in such a process.

Nam jim cam
Nam jim cam

Day two kicks off with breakfast out at a new fancy Eco resort in Byron Bay, and quite frankly it was exactly like any other breakfast in fancy Eco resort (or as I like to say Ego resort) anywhere in the world, but the company was banging and the coffee was good so never a bad start to a day. Whilst driving home doughnuts some how appeared in a bag in our hands, then as quickly as they appeared they mysteriously vanished, leaving nothing but a cheeky smile on Laurens face as evidence that this did just happen. It was most likely the guilt of this occurrence that spurred on the idea of going for a quick run before the day once again got away from us. Unfortunately this run did nothing other than turn my ankle into an orb so large it had its own gravity, so all of a sudden I was out of action and had to call upon my sous chef extraordinaire… Lauren ’got mad prep skills’ Alley.

With a vantage point on the veranda and well lubricated by alcohol mixed with painkillers I instructed my sous chef step by step how to create a salad worthy of the Stockdale’s table. This couldn’t be any normal salad I felt it needed balls. If in fact it were a human it wouldn’t just have balls it would most likely have a big fuck moustache and cut wood down with its bare hands all whilst smelling like oak and freshly cut grass. Layers is what we needed, components and layers, flavour building bricks so impressive it would house all three little pigs and that hungry wolf would have to find another avenue to appease his swine cravings.

Lauren's mis en place was more like mis en place plus
Lauren’s mis en place was more like mis en place plus

Lauren’s prepping over the next few hours was nothing short of impeccable, never missed a beat and when I saw how neat her prep station was at the end I nearly cried. Everything cauliflower floret perfectly cut and cooked, black pudding blended and fried until it looked like crispy black gold dust, ginger yoghurt seasoned with a chef’s touch and all this whilst making me Gin and tonics every 40 minutes. If I hadn’t already proposed to this amazing lady, this day was enough to get me over the edge, in fact I should of proposed by asking her to be my sous chef in life, but alas I missed out on perhaps the corniest thing I could possibly of said. But lets face it we all know there will be many more ridiculous things I will say to this very special lady, so no point worrying about lost moments in time, back to layering of metaphorical flavour bricks.

This particular salad was a great example of my theory of what makes a good dish, basically because every one of the numerous ingredients was treated differently. If you were to grab all of the ingredients and toss in some oil, season and roast then whack in a bowl with some yoghurt and ginger, I’m sure it would of tasted nice… Nice! Who the fuck is happy with nice? Not me that’s for sure and certainly not while cooking at Casa Stockdale… nice is a jumper you get for Christmas, nice is someone letting in a lane whilst driving, nice is having enough water left in a kettle to make a cuppa… I hope with all of my heart that nice is not a word used to describe my food.

Black pudding getting the love it deserves
Black pudding getting the love it deserves

So when trying to achieve food better than nice a little respect for the produce is all that’s needed, I want you to think about exciting the produce, making it happy to give its life for a cause of such magnitude that they literally jump into the pot kamikaze style. Ask your Spanish onion out on a date and whilst you gaze into his eyes chop him up and whack him in a pickling liquid and don’t just use vinegar and sugar like some sort of pickling gypsy with the imagination of a blind mole with no legs. Fill the pickling liquid with many flavours as only remnants of this flavour every make it to people mouths, the love you put in is for the onion (or whatever you are pickling) if the onion is happy, this happiness will rub off on other ingredients and people can taste happiness… this is a fact!

Food is a lot like people, if you treat everyone the same and never see people for what they are and what they are best for, then you will not get the best from people. Same with food, yes I want to roast both cauliflower and chickpeas but they will not roast together evenly and I reckon the cauliflower will pick on the chickpeas not allowing them crisp to their full potential. So I separate them like naughty school kids and low and behold they behave. Then I come to wanting to add some sausage to this many-layered beast, and I look at the chorizo and black pudding that I have plucked from the depths of ‘The Stockpot Kitchen’ cool room and I think to my self I want your flavour but don’t really want massive chunks of sausage kicking back in the salad. As the black pudding had already been smoked in ‘Thomas the meat engine” I decided to blend it up into a chunky crumb and fry it until crispy, and the chorizo was raw so we removed the skin and rolled into small meatballs and fried also… this is a huge part of my dish creation process, changing produces size and shape changes its flavour and ways you can incorporate it into dishes.

So we have now wined and dined our produce and basically showed them all a great time on their last day on this sweet earth, so its now time for them to shine in the final hoorah… Lauren now only had to build the beast and with 10 plus delicious ingredients this was extremely easy, like everything she touched this day it turned to gold and her job had come to an end. Graeme in the meantime had been busy roasting ribs on the fire pit along with potatoes, carrots and onions… but don’t for a second think you can even imagine how good these vegetables tasted after being roasted in foil on the ashes, they rose like the proverbial phoenix onto the table freshly drizzled with olive oil, salt and many herbs.

Pork ribs and coal roasted vegetables are good times
Pork ribs and coal roasted vegetables are good times

So the table was set, by whom I have no idea as by now I was completely off my tits, thanks to my consumption of many different painkilling remedies. By now our good friend and word witch Gitana had joined the festivities, so we sat and gazed at the wonders that lay before us and regaled each other with the highs and lows of the day just gone. I couldn’t help but think how god damn lucky we are to be able to share the love of food with people that mean so much to us. Supposedly that beautiful notion was all in my head, as I was so far gone I just sat there and spoke gibberish whilst swearing heaps in front of the kids. But I like to think that it’s all about what you recall the next day more than what actually happens that counts.

Day three was the day Lauren and I got to finally eat at ‘The Stockpot Kitchen’ and my god was it worth the wait. Not one thing we tried was anything but amazing, flavours that pack a punch and combinations chefs can only dream of creating. Graeme’s love for food has been an incredible journey that I have had the privilege of watching happen, but sitting in his and Jen’s restaurant that night made me as happy as I can remember being. Thank you brother for your continued inspiration and friendship.

Salady highlights. This little bad boy is definitely worth a bash
Salady highlights. This little bad boy is definitely worth a bash

CAULIFLOWER, CHORIZO & BLACK PUDDING SALAD

I’ve explained this salad in the many layers used to build it… nothing is hard to do so I’ve left the explanation simple ☺

Basically get all of this ready and build in the order below.

• Ginger yoghurt- grated a little ginger into yoghurt and season

• Rocket

• Beetroot dressed with pickled onions (explanation underneath)

• Black pudding, crumbled and fried

• Chorizo balled and fried

• Brussel leaves blanched and refreshed ice-cold water.

• Cauliflower florets, olive oil, salt, baked in the oven until crispy

• Chickpeas drained, washed with oil, salt, curry powder, Gary my sailor, baked for longer until crispy

• Shaved fennel, half lemon and generous pinch salt

• Spring onion & coriander fresh & chopped.

*Pickled onions – apple cider vinegar, sugar, cinnamon, love, bay leaves, coriander seeds, mustard seeds, dried chilli or flakes. Few hours.

*Beetroots – Rosemary, garlic, orange simmer until tender. Skinned. Cut into halves & 4-6 wedges each half.

*ADD PICKLED ONION TO BEETS TO DRESS BEFORE ADDING TO FINAL SALAD.

This is Jelly the dog
This is Jelly the dog

Cauli-cous… and the Paleo Diet

SAMSUNG CSC
Paleo diet… passing fad, healthier lifestyle or just a strange looking word?

Quite frankly, I don’t care. I care for the answer to this question like the eunuch cares for the sexy young lady and her pleasures of the flesh. Not at all! I couldn’t spare a fuck to donate to the dubious cause of the pan handling homeless person that is the paleo diet. Except, that is, that my dear Jennee has booked herself in for the full bells and whistles paleo Contiki tour (the one complete with free Hawaiian print shirt and endless cocktails garnished with no less than half an acre of tropical rainforest). Yes, she has jumped on the boat (it’s a metaphorical boat, though. She hasn’t left me for an Adonis of a Greek man called Paleo. She is literally standing right next to me here) with a heap of smelly strangers and headed for the crystal clear blue waters and the sun-bleached sandy beaches of paleo dreaming. What a lucky girl…

Now it is up to me to convert everything I know and love to comply with the dietary requisites of this new regime and make it damn tasty.

But first, a few guidelines… No dairy*, no processed foods (this one is fine by me), no pulses, no grains, and I shall reiterate that last one for you; no fucking grains. She has immediately pput (this is me developing a slight stutter because I am more than a little afraid) me on my culinary back foot. Everything I know and love is based on grains and pulses. Even the whole gluten-free thing is manageable because I can still use grains and pulses, but no grains and pulses… damn you and your paleology! I shall rise from the ashes like the phoenix and this shall end up another conquest that I shall write about in my diary, right after I add the story of how I built my new tree house and my study on sustainability of said tree house after the holocaust.

This is something I like to call cauli-cous. It was born from a mother whom no-one knows. I saw it on a blog somewhere on my computer screen, of that I am sure, but you can see just about anything inside your computer these days… This mother may not be known, but for what she had done for the people of the paleo diet, as that could become their new grain, their new cous-cous, their cauli-cous, if I may, many would love her.

The cauli-cous
The cauli-cous

Served with a nice tagine - it went down a treat
Served with a nice tagine – it went down a treat
The cauli-broccoli version
The cauli-broccoli version
That got served with slow roasted lamb ribs and was also damn tasty
That got served with slow roasted lamb ribs and was also damn tasty

CAULI-COUS (for 6)

1 medium cauliflower, chopped into thumb sized florets (feel free to replace some cauliflower with broccoli that’s how you want to roll. Do not replace it with actual thumbs)
1 cup almonds, or cashews, or pinenuts, or don’t even worry about the nuts if you don’t want
1 tablespoon cumin seed (or whatever spice you like. Garam masala, mustard seed, sumac, etc)
Seasoning
Olive oil
1 handful of fresh herbs (parsley, coriander, mint, chervil), to garnish

• Pulse cauliflower and nuts in a food processer until fine and crumbly – just like cous-cous (Do it in three or four batches for an even crumb)
• Heat some oil in a pan. Add the cauli-cous and cumin and a good hit of salt and pepper
• Kinda stir fry the cauli-cous for 2-3 minutes, until starting to colour a little
• Check seasoning and serve garnished with chopped herbs and a heap of other good shit

*We will discuss this point again soon

porking good polenta balls

Something I had to share with you because it was just so effing awesome.

On Sunday Jennee declared she would make dinner that night, and when I enquired about what it may be she had her mysterious little it’s-going-to-be-something-you’re-going-to-love-and-I’m-not-going-to-tell-you thing going on. Quite honestly I love it when she starts getting all Jessica Fletcher on my ass. I know she’s got hold of a good idea, waltzed about the kitchen waving her “right to be extravagant” licence and made a family dinner of epic proportions. It’s an event. Kind of like the coming of colour TV or the moon landing, but with just the slightest tinge of “Hey Graz. I can still cook eh. You love this shit eh. I could still be a chef if I could stand working with you eh…”

So what would it be? I’m not the best at pretending I’m curious when people have surprises, and I tend to find that this really annoys them. Jennee is no exception. She starts getting so frustrated by my reaction that she ends up almost begging me to ask her the answer. Needless to say, I knew what we were having around mid afternoon. This is how it went.

FRIED POLENTA AND PORK BALLS, PARSLEY SALSA VERDE, PAPRIKA MAYONNAISE

Soft polenta mixed with some fried pork mince, onion and herbs, left to firm up a bit in the fridge (not where I prefer to do my “firming up” but apparently works well for the polenta), and then formed into balls and rolled through flour, egg wash and then breadcrumbs AKA. The crumbing station. Then these little balls of love can be shallow or deep fried, and enjoyed with your favouritist condiments. Who would’ve thunk it? Not me. And normally I’m on the food ideas in this household. I won’t lie to you, I’m a little pissed off I didn’t think of it first (I’m sure someone in the world has made them before, or maybe not). I’m actually feeling a tad inadequate. I’ll get over. Don’t worry about me. The show must go on!

FRIED CAULIFLOWER, CHERRY TOMATOES (we have half a garden full of them right now), ONIONS AND CAPERS

This is the cauliflower and tomatoes before they were combined with caramelised red onion and spinach to make the salad.

Couldn’t get a proper photo because of the excessive amounts of red wine we drunk. Thought I was rocking the vogue magazine styles until I got up in the morning and realised I didn’t use a flash… or hold the camera still… or level… I tried, and I think sometimes that is actually the main thing.

Fucking really good. No other way to describe this one. And I have to congratulate Jennee on the concept, the beautiful balance of the meal, the homemade sauces, just the complete effing packing.

Dericious.