Sexy corn AKA. corn porn

Just like any other story that may be attached to anything porn-esque, I am going to keep this one short, sharp, concise, moist, yellow, wrinkly, lubed up and to the point.

Firstly, you know about the standard – buttered corn.

The entry-level corn for those amongst us who think they don’t like corn or who have not tried it previously. It is for the corn virgin. It is the missionary position of the corn world. Sure it still tastes really damn good, but sometimes after eating the same corn for the whole of your life thus far, you need to spice it up a bit… try something a little more adventurous… invite other corn into the bedroom… what the fuck am I talking about now…

If the buttered corn is the standard, the mayonnaise-y, herby, chilli, cheesy corn is definitely the glory-hole-manning-swinger-tending-towards-sexual-deviancy. Next level. Give it a bash at least once in your life type shit…

Or not.

On to the corn!

Sexy corn looking all sexy and shit.

SEXY CORN (per person for as many people as you like)

1 cob of sweet corn
1 tablespoon mayonnaise – home made or kewpie would be good choices
1 teaspoon hot sauce
1 heaped tablespoon of finely grated parmesan or pecorino
1 handful of chopped mixed herbs (coriander, parsley, oregano, chives)
A little finely sliced spring onion (scallion)
¼ lime zest, lime reserved to squeeze over corn
Salt and pepper

Grill or boil the corn for 5 minutes or until it is just cooked. This should be pretty easy for you by now.
Squeeze over or roll corn through mayonnaise, douse with hot sauce and lime, and then layer with all of the other goodies.
Eat it.
Change your knickers.

Paul’s Caul… Return of the Mac

Return of the Mac


So you may or may not of missed me, you may or may not of realized I haven’t written anything since my November holiday extravaganza, in fact there may still be some of you that think Graeme and I are one in the same…. Well I can clear it all up right now, we are separate entities, I have been beyond busy and in turn knackered/lazy as shit.


But with a new year always come that burst of energy, like a kid high as fuck on red cordial or as excited as a bow legged lady of the night as she see’s an American navy ship cruising into the port, either way there is sure to be some good times before the buzz wears off.


So for me the New Year means eat less sugar, train more and to finally give up on my unhealthy obsession with hunting for the final Tasmanian tiger… also maybe stop making shit up J


But what 2014 really means to me and my beautiful lady is travel… and shit tonnes of it, mid year we go to South America for the world cup and bugger me I’m excited. We’re travelling with our good friends G-money and Carla Da Bruce so this means the trip with consist of lots of good eating, drinking and laughing, possibly tears and a 90% chance of all getting dressed up like Peruvian lama shepherds and making this our profile picture on Facebook. We also have a few other trips booked but let’s not go on about that now, plenty of time to bore you with that later on in the year.


I love Christmas, I really do, I love the decorations, the advent calendars, the presents, the job opportunities for the worlds small people, the overwhelming sense of entitlement that every western society has towards tangible objects, and of course I love the food… and holy fuck there is a lot of it!!!


Every one pulls out there favourite recipes and spends so much time, money and effort on their Christmas breakfast, lunches, dinners and everything in-between so for me it is such a beautiful time of the year….  I was lucky enough this year to cook Christmas lunch for some of my all time favourite dj’s and a few other good friends, they where all in town for Breakfest (that’s Breakfest, not breakfast) on boxing day here in Perth, one of the many reasons I love what I do is being able to share what I do with people from all over the world.


Deep fried cheese you say!


Well funny you should mention that, that’s exactly the topic de jour for my scribbling’s… it was several moons ago that Lauren asked me how to make ‘mac and cheese bites’ as she wanted to make for one of our many share table dinners we go to, but she wanted to make it herself… “as I always steal the limelight with my magnificent creations” (her words)(not really) so I gave her the gist of it… wink wink.


No, I really did explain the basic’s of the white sauce, the cheese and the pasta and getting on together like old school mates on ecstasy and she seemed to already know all there is to know about the subject, so I stepped back, in fact I was actually at work so it was more a step away then a step back, but regardless I came home to the cooked and set mac and cheese. We then crumbed the shit out it the next day and started to fry the little fucks up…. By all that is holy in this world, these delicious little bastards are the balls, they are the tits, they are whatever you dream of… so they may be the gerbils.


This following recipe is my interpretation of what Lauren created, the photo’s however are of the bites Lauren made, and did a stand up job… but like anything that contains cheese you should make it with your favorite cheese and go silly with how much you use and then in turn eat, get cheese in your face… often! I feel this should be a cheese maker’s slogan.

IMG_0399 IMG_0406.JPG IMG_0410.JPG IMG_0414.JPG


Mac & Cheese Bites

50g plain flour

50g butter

1lt milk

1 brown onion with 3 cloves pushed in it (studded onion)

250g Parmesan

250g mozzarella

250g talegggio

3 cups macaroni (cook it… you know how)


  • in a pot bring milk and studded onion to simmer and infuse flavour for 5-10 minutes… discard onion
  • in a pot melt butter and add flour stirring until it forms a paste and in time a crumbie mix, this is a roux and you should all now how to make this, only exception would be if you are an orphan that got moved from home to home as a child.
  • Add milk slowly and stir until smooth and thickened, then add cheeses and seasoning
  • Stir through cooked pasta and place in a lined tray with sides, the mix should be 1 inch high, so when set you can cut into inch squares.
  • Then crumb the shit out of them.


Crumbing station

Flour bowl (seasoned)

Egg wash (eggs and liquid, milk is good but scotch works)

Crumb (must be delicious, other than that can be dried crumbs, fresh crumb, panko, cornflakes, pop corn, almond, coconut… get my point?)


  • For this you just go through the steps, cleanly as possible, using one hand per bowl
  • Maybe double crumb to be safe



Now all’s that left is to fry them and serve with sauce, I like HP, Lauren likes a blue cheese sauce, what do you like?


Happy new years to you all…. Smiley face