Jennee’s Sunday Spread

Unfortunate circumstances arose (or I guess fortunate really as these circumstances were a new job that would see me able to pay the bills and not yet need to pull out my sexiest red mini skirt and frilly bra to begin my new career in the darkened back alleys of “the meat packing district”) that would see me unable to attend the inaugural Bangalow BBQ and Bluegrass Festival this past weekend. Outwardly damning these circumstances that I had fallen victim to, I felt the calming hand of Jennee on my shoulder. “I will cook you a BBQ all of your very own”, she said. A warm fuzzy feeling enveloped all of my senses as a tear slowly welled in my left eye (surgeons had removed the tear ducts from my right eye after an almost tragic shaving incident in my early teens). “This is why I married that girl”, I said to myself. “She certainly is a top bitch,” self agreed.

That evening, cook a feast is what Jennee did.

The spread consisted of smoked wagyu beef sausages and beef brisket that had been basted with bourbon BBQ sauce, potatoes wrapped in alfoil and roasted in the coals and then served with a heap of garlic butter, chopped salad with blue cheese dressing, home made bread rolls, pickles and condiments and my all time favourite BBQ (or anytime) side dish; the coleslaw.

I could go on quite a rant about coleslaw and how much it means to me if I thought you might be interested. Or maybe I’ll just do it anyway. Self indulgence at it’s very finest right here.

It seems to me, via wiki-pedia and other inter web sites of factual repute, that the Dutch first penned a recipe for modern day coleslaw in the late 1700s (coleslaw derived from the Dutch koolsla; kool – cabbage and sla – salad). There is also reference to the Germans and Polish for their contribution (although I am still not entirely sure what that is), which actually came as a bit of a surprise to me as I was sure it would’ve been an All American barbecue recipe for sure, created by the Yankies just like the nuclear bomb or Coca-Cola except tastier and quite frankly a good thing, as apposed to a terrible weapon of mass destruction. Upon further thought though, I decided it makes lots of sense that this was not a product of the Coca-Cola company and possibly a product of a German-Polish coalition, as that is quite literally how I made my way into existence and hence would explain the love I have for this shredded cabbage salad. I don’t even think love is a strapping enough word. Love is the kind of word one would use when talking about their marital partner or possibly their children, their favourite animal porn web site or even their favourite flavoured ice cream cone at the local Baskin Robins. I think the word that I need to be using is addicted. I am addicted to the consumption of coleslaw with every part of my being. I don’t care what effing season it is, how cold it is or which Queen-of-effing-England is coming for dinner, there is always a place at my dinner table for coleslaw… there may not be enough space for you, but coleslaw can wander in anytime. There is a little plaque with “coleslaw” engraved on it, much like what you would see at the parking space of a company president and yes, it is a tow-away zone. There’s no way the potato salad or tabouleh is going to get to sit there, just on the off chance the coleslaw might show up!

MY HONKY DORY COLESLAW RECIPE

½ a medium cabbage, finely shredded
1 carrot, grated
Enough good quality mayonnaise to coat ‘slaw to your liking
A splash of apple cider vinegar
Seasoning
• Combine all ingredients in a large bowl and mix well. Check and adjust seasoning if necessary

BOURBON BBQ SAUCE (inspired by Al Brown)

¼ cup oil
2 brown onions, diced
5 cloves garlic, chopped
1 tablespoons salt
1 teaspoon ground pepper
A pinch chilli flakes
2 tablespoons cumin seed, roasted and ground
1 tablespoon smoked paprika
½ cup bourbon
½ cup brown sugar
1x 400g tin crushed tomatoes
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 cup apple juice
¼ cup Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon Tabasco sauce
• Sauté onion and spices in the oil until soft
• Add all other ingredients and cook out over low heat for 45 minutes or so, until thick, stirring regularly to avoid burning and fusing to the base of the pot
• Blitz and check seasoning
• Baste that over your next piece of barbecued meat or your girlfriend’s thighs for some cracking results!!
• Whatever you have left over will last for a couple of months in the fridge

So that’s me done. Jennee’s BBQ was a hit. The smoky BBQ brisket was off the hook, the coleslaw made me weak at the knees, the potatoes, the blue cheese dressing, the rolls… damn, this was a fucking impressive feed.