Jennee’s Sunday Spreads… for Father’s Day

That breakfast spread
That breakfast spread

Spring has sprung. Winter is officially over. September has made it’s way past the 31 day cycle that was August, and reared its beautiful head, adorned in the royal head dress that is the glory of this backwards assed Southern Hemisphere Spring.
Everything a man could ask for plus more
Everything a man could ask for plus more

My plate was full… and consequently so was my belly
My plate was full… and consequently so was my belly

If September was a lady she would be a damn lucky one indeed. This month is the time most will say good bye to the smelly little over weight kid that isn’t very good at sports and doesn’t get invited to parties (don’t write in. That kid was probably me) that was winter, and spread their arms (and possibly their legs) to embrace and welcome that most popular, funny and down right sexy young lady that is spring.

We built a fire pit. I am more than amped to fire that sucker up
We built a fire pit. I am more than amped to fire that sucker up

September and December both really lucked in with the whole timing thing. These months get a lot of love for the seasons they bring. Even March/April get a heap of respect for giving us Easter eggs and things of the like. June though, what does June get? No happy holidays, carnie filled fan fare or love from the rich folks. Nudda.

Oh well, poor old June, eh.

Jennee cooked a chook stuffed with chorizo and preserved lemon
Jennee cooked a chook stuffed with chorizo and preserved lemon

Chooky stuffing glory
Chooky stuffing glory

This whole spring thing is special in more ways than one for me. It doesn’t lick the windows (or other un-PC things most wouldn’t talk about. This aint 80’s comedy, folks) or even offer me a sneaky under the desk reach around a la Bill Clintons glory days. No, September holds a-whole-nother realm of love and goodness in it’s could-easily-be-a-hand-model type hands, for September is also the month of my birth and fuck me if god didn’t decide it was going to be the month that entertains a special day for every father out there, the very aptly named Father’s Day. Just for me… and maybe you.

In lieu of an actual shower, I was showered with gifts; new power tools, a stubby cooler stating I was a super dad, lattern, a grooming kit (for what I will use that for I know not), a bottle of Chivas Regal and a cracking old school bowl with a recipe for coleslaw on it (possibly for my later years when I lose my shit and can't remember how to make this, my favourite of salads)
In lieu of an actual shower, I was showered with gifts; new power tools, a stubby cooler stating I was a super dad, lattern, a grooming kit (for what I will use that for I know not), a bottle of Chivas Regal and a cracking old school bowl with a recipe for coleslaw on it (possibly for my later years when I lose my shit and can’t remember how to make this, my favourite of salads)

This was my first ever Father’s Day at home, not cooking for all the other lucky dads out there, and I darn well enjoyed it. It was the absolute tops being greeted with hugs and love by my children at a time when most respectable people would still be asleep. But not me, I was up and ready for those little padiwans. I was like the kid waiting for his first Christmas, or the FIFO (fly in, fly out) worker in line at the brothel… I was keen! I got to open presents and enjoy a cup of tea in bed followed by a slap up breakfast buffet that would have even the staunchest of non-breakfast eating protagonists crumbling at their knees. Fathers Day is truly awesome. I recommend it for everyone out there… unless you’re a girl; that aint going to work to very well for you at all.

To top it all off, a baked lemon tart
To top it all off, a baked lemon tart

Now it is much later. I am three sheets to the wind up the mizenmast of the good ship Chivas Regal and well on my way to becoming the poster boy for an ad campaign for against the perils of day time drinking, Jennee has a good looking chook stuffed with chorizo and preserved lemon on the chiminea, the boys have made sure and a half that I know how much they love me… this Fathers Day lark is a good one. A damn fine day indeed!

This family of mine is the best.

Fathers Day and a bounty of bacon

Bacon roses are my favourite flowers ever
Bacon roses are my favourite flowers ever

This past Sunday was Fathers Day. I’m not sure if that shit has gone viral and all of the world does it or how it works so if I am stating a really obvious fact maybe, before you start writing your local MP about some ignorant dick from outback Austraaaalia, just chill the fuck out, sit back in your comfy chair with a nice big pile of 1970’s midget porn and a bottle of your mums best hand moisturiser and sort yourself out. And just remember; I don’t care if you think I’m stupid because you’re ugly and at least I can fix stupid… wait… errrr… ugly… umm… stupid can’t be fixed can it? Dammit!

So Fathers Day it was and I arrived, a year since we last celebrated this occasion, with two children still intact and accounted for. Magic. Always a good start.

They showered me with hand written cards stating that I was the best dad ever, and also and array of bacon based paraphernalia. What more could a man want? What’s that? A slap a dinner of pork belly with coleslaw and potato salad? Sure thing. That sounds like a truly effing great fitting finish to a great day. Which leads me, somewhat poorly, into a short story about my friend bacon.

Roast pork belly. Check
Roast pork belly. Check
My favourite sides. Check
My favourite sides. Check
Plate, fork, face. Check! Let's get this show on the road
Plate, fork, face. Check! Let’s get this show on the road
Jennee even made a Vienetta type thing because that's Dr Chris' favourite dessert
Jennee even made a Vienetta type thing because that’s Dr Chris’ favourite dessert
Bacon things to make my face smile
Bacon things that the boys picked out. Damn well love those kids

Bacon

It was a glorious day for all humanity the day that bacon was discovered, fantastic for the people but not so good for the pig. The pig was most likely previously left to its own devices, maybe even living amongst the human man as a companion, a friend. Maybe the pig was named Arthur. They would read books, go out for coffee and go for long walks on the beach together. At the time it was harmless fun but this seemingly harmless leisure time activity would spell the end for the ungodly relationship between man and pig and the beginning of breakfasts of bacon and what would become its new best friend, the egg. Lunches of bacon butties, crisp bacon in salads or maybe a nice steak wrapped in bacon. And dinner? Well dinner my friends, was more of the same. Yes it was unfortunate for our porcine friends that they had begun to “cure” themselves after many swims in the salty ocean “brine”. Then drying off the pig had inadvertently started to “cook” itself after falling asleep under the midday sun. The poor piggy awoke to the horrible shock of his longtime friend, Geoffrey, slicing him up for mans first bacon feast.

Since that day bacon has fed kings and queens, porters and paupers, white, black, jungle bunny and gigolo. It has bridged the language gap and crossed cultural borders, wars have been reasoned and solved with the help of a slice of bacon in the belly, many pages of the history books of the world have been written with pen in one hand and bacon in the other, bacon has been buried in time capsules and sent to the furthest reaches of our known universe in the hope that it will attract alien interest and to prove to them that we have some kind of intelligence going on.

In conclusion I would just like to say bacon is really good.

I like bacon and my children.

Thank you.

Old man’s day, aka father’s day

Firstly I should say that I really enjoy father’s day. I get presents and shit so it’s kinda like an extra birthday that I’ve managed to piggy back in with the birth of my first son* Sebastian. We also backed him up with the birth of our second son Obi, just in case Seba forgot.

This year I asked the boys if they would cook me breakfast in bed. They both agreed to the terms and conditions of my father’s day. Obi though, did query whether I would be cooking them breakfast in bed on “kids day”. Apparently that comes next year he told me. “I should certainly be able to handle that”, I said.
We agreed that a good fathers day breakfast would include bacon, sausage, black pud, beans, tea and fresh juice. Hopefully not all on the same plate.

You can imagine my disappointment when this is what I received-
1. A book devoted entirely to ham
2. A bottle of whiskey devoted entirely to me
3. A platter of BLT goodness. See pic below

Seriously I could not have asked for anything more. And why am I telling you about my father’s day? I just am. It’s a kickass breakfast for any old time, looks good, can feed a crowd and you get everyone to put there own sandwich together so the work is theirs and you have more time to sit back with a bottle of whiskey and a book about ham.

Thanks boys. Loved it.

*first actual child confirmed to be mine.