Crumbed fish so easy my kids could do it

crumbed breaded fish
Crumbed (breaded) fish is so easy my kids could do it.

…and they did.

Well, I would be more correct in saying that Obi made it. He made it look as piss easy as it should look too.

Flour, egg wash and then bread crumbs. That is not rocket science. Building rockets is rocket science. This isn’t even close to a chance meeting with Stephen Hawking. It is not, I repeat, not science.

It is though, a pretty satisfying way to cook some nice fresh fish at home. Also, just to reiterate, it is also very easy and has the added advantage of going to be a whole heap tidier than pulling out the battered and deep fried version of fish dinner… especially if you are a first timer…

I’ll even make it more of a showy-telly-looky kind of thing, as apposed to one of those lotsa-wordy-ready things that take all of the mental capacity of some one who is a fair bit smarter than you’re looking right now.

Whoa. Soz. Really , I’m not trying to insult anyone… except maybe you. Yeah, you know who I’m talking to.

So on with the photos then…

Get the kids up really early and get on a boat that will take you into the ocean
Get the kids up really early and get on a boat that will take you into the ocean

Suss out some whales on the way (we will not be crumbing these today)
Suss out some whales on the way (we will not be crumbing these today)
Mandatory pic of kids with fish
Mandatory pic of kids with fish
Fillet and skin fish. We cut the fillets into fish finger sort of looking pieces because the boys wanted to make home made fish fingers, but goujons is probably the more correct term
Fillet and skin fish. We cut the fillets into fish finger sort of looking pieces because the boys wanted to make home made fish fingers, but goujons is probably the more correct term
That is followed by a roll through the flour, a dip through the egg wash and then a quick romp through the breadcrumbs. Read it again if you couldn't make sense of it...
That is followed by a roll through the flour, a dip through the egg wash and then a quick romp through the breadcrumbs. Read it again if you couldn’t make sense of it…
Obi shallow fries the fish fingers over med-low heat for 4-5 minutes, turning regularly
Obi shallow fries the fish fingers over med-low heat for 4-5 minutes, turning regularly

Eaty time with a potato, roasted carrot, chorizo and corn salad and home made tartare
Eaty time with a potato, roasted carrot, chorizo and corn salad and home made tartare

You can do this shit, trust me.

And if you are thinking you might like the look of the salad we had with ours, rest assured it will be hitting these inter-web pages soon!

Very bloody tasty indeed
Very bloody tasty indeed

Graz vs Queenie aka. snapper and prawns vs squid and chorizo

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Word was passed about the station… the challenge was on.

The day was set. It would be yesterday, in the past.

The protagonists of this challenge would be my fair Jennee’s brother, Queenie, and my self, Grazza McFilthymouth.

The challenge would be set in our kitchen.

The challenge itself? We would each choose four ingredients that the other would have to use in his/her meal. After that it was white mans rules. We would take a trip to the fish shop and buy whatever seafood we desired for our dish, plus we could use any other ingredients we were keen on… as long as the chosen ingredients and the seafood starred like an over made-up, under dressed, pre-teen dancing queen. Rules and regulations were discussed, sweat bands and long socks were donned, steroids were ingested and the Jane Fonda warm up tape was in the VCR and ready to go… all that was required was that someone hit play, which we did, but the tape wasn’t rewound and we didn’t have the privilege of spare time right now so there was no way we could wait for the tape to rewind. It was on with the challenge, warm up or no warm up.

Just like an outback camel race, there were at least three people who were genuinely excited about this event.

Straight to the food.

The ingredients
The ingredients

Team Grazza

Ingredients; kiwi fruit, garam masala, cashews and coconut water. Plus I went out and bought myself a nice little snapper and a kg of un-cooked prawns.

I wasn’t heaps pleased with the choice of kiwi fruit as one of my ingredients. Kiwi fruit is definitely one of my least favoured fruits. It made me think of having fruit salad with the main course, which really doesn’t appeal to me as I am more a fruit salad for dessert kind of guy. But eff it, I had kiwi fruit so dessert with the fish it would be. “I’ll even put some more bloody fruit in there”, I said to self. Self smiled and reached for a mango, I’m pretty sure Queenie was shitting himself right about now… and if he wasn’t, he should’ve been.

I ended up with two dishes; baked whole snapper with coconut water dressing, salad of kiwi fruit, mango, coconut and cashew with kaffir lime, and prawns with garam masala chermoula. You want the recipes? You got it.

A lovely little snapper
A lovely little snapper
The kiwi fruit number was really good. I will do that again
The kiwi fruit number was really good. I will do that again
Damn, damn tasty
Damn, damn tasty

ROASTED SNAPPER

2 kg snapper or something else that is a tasty fish, and leave it on the bone for something different. The meat is so damn moist and delicious…

½ cup coconut water

salt

coconut water dressing, kiwi fruit, mango and cashew salad, coriander and fresh lime to serve

  • Preheat oven to 200C
  • Score each side of the fish (I gave mine 8 out of 10). This helps it cook evenly and peel away into nice chunks for serving. Douse with coconut water to get this coconut water challenge started. Season with salt on both sides
  • Roast the fish for 15-20 minutes, or until cooked through and is peeled easily from the bone
  • Place the fish on a plate that will hold it… in hindsight, a banana leaf would’ve looked hot but, well, that’s hindsight. Pour the coconut water dressing over and serve the salad on the side
  • Well done. Get yourself a beer. You deserve it

COCONUT WATER DRESSING

2 cups coconut water

½ cup castor sugar

1 tablespoon fish sauce

  • Simmer coconut water and sugar until reduced by half. Season with fish sauce. Bang on

KIWI FRUIT, MANGO & CASHEW SALAD

4 kiwi fruit, diced

2 mango, diced

½ onion, diced

1 cup cashew, roasted and chopped

1 cup shredded coconut, roasted (do it in the oven while it’s waiting for the fish. A minute or two should do it. And whack the cashews in there too)

½ long green chilli, deseeded and diced

½ kaffir lime leaf, shredded super fine

1 tablespoon olive oil

  • Combine. There is your salad
The prawns
The prawns

PRAWNS WITH GARAM MASALA CHERMOULA NEXT TIME I PROMISE

 

Team Queenie

Ingredients; chorizo, beetroot, onion, cheese of his choosing. Plus he got himself a kg of nice little fresh squid.

Queenies squid number
Queenies squid number

I don’t know what Queenies thoughts were because I aint no mind reader, but this is what he came up with; Squid stuffed with chorizo, beetroot, mascarpone and mint puree, soured onions. It was delightful and I’m sure Queenie will be happy to jot the recipe down and maybe also a short anecdote about himself and a few drunken carnival folk. Maybe.

We were going to get the score cards out at the end of the night but let’s face it, with a spread like this everyone’s a winner!

HAPPY EFFING NEW YEAR FOLKS! LET’S GET THIS SHIT STARTED…

Monday dinner #2… fresh snapper rocks my world more than Britney Spears

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Ooops I did it again, blah blah blah blah, dah diddy dah, I like it like that.

No, I am not magically transporting you back to the year 2000 to a chart topping hit for a drunkard white trash caravan park kid, and I certainly won’t be hitting the stage in a red lycra onesie any time soon. It is more a statement from me to you declaring that I cooked another cracker of a Monday dinner last night. That’s right, I cooked another great dinner and I am man enough to admit it! Must be a little early Christmas cheers getting to me…

I know Monday is doomsday for a lot of people; the start of a new working week, packing school lunches, getting the family back into the week day routine, kids yelling, you yelling, and finally being able to take a sip from the bottle of gin you have hidden in your knickers drawer. Not for me though, I’m Chirpy McChirples on a Monday. Make the lunches, drop the kids at school, have a coffee, catch up with any cooking show watching I may have missed out on the past week, have a little sip of that gin in my knickers drawer, then spend the afternoon immersed in mis en place, a nice piece of meat, pots and pans, and maybe a beer or two, cooking dinner for my favourite peeps in the world… my family. Some times they even show up, which makes it all the more enjoyable. Yes, I am loving the Monday arvo cook-ups like the drunken mother loves the ease of a chip sandwich and cold baked beans dinner. Baaayoootiful luvvvie.

…and it just so happens that this week I have a few fillets of local snapper in the fridge, which is pretty much my favourite fish ever, so I know this cook up already has a kick-ass head start. You might not be able to get fresh snapper, hell, you might not even like snapper (what are you? Another snapper??), so use whatever fish is fresh, affordable for you (even I know Christmas is coming) and most importantly, a fish that your taste buds tell your brain tastes good.

I'm pretty sure the label says "marinated white anchovies"
I’m pretty sure the label says “marinated white anchovies”
The sautéed goodies with a few white anchovies
The sautéed goodies with a few white anchovies
Put it all together on a receptacle of your choosing
Put it all together on a receptacle of your choosing
Magic
Magic
Serve in the pan if you are OG
Serve in the pan if you are OG

SNAPPER WITH SAUTEED POTATOES, GREEN BEANS, OLIVES, TOMATO & WHITE ANCHOVIES (serves 4)

4x 180g snapper fillets, or whatever fish you like to eat, just make sure it’s fresh!! (you could also use 700-800g whole fillet of fish and cook it on the BBQ or even oven bake it at 200C for 15 or so minutes)

5 medium potatoes, peeled and cut into wedges

200g green beans, trimmed

1 clove garlic, chopped

zest ½ lemon

juice 1 lemon (zest ½ of it first)

2 tomatoes, diced

½ cup olives

12 white anchovy fillets

1 handful parsley, chopped

seasoning

  • Put the potatoes into a pot of water and simmer for 5 minutes or until almost cooked. Strain
  • In a large pan on a medium heat, sauté the potatoes in a good splash of oil. Toss regularly
  • While potatoes are cooking get the fish on. In a pan big enough to fit all of the fish, heat a splash of oil over medium heat. Season fish on the skin side and place skin side down in the pan. Cook the fish for 3 minutes on the skin side, by which stage it should be getting crisp. Turn the fish and reduce heat to low for another 2 or so minutes (unless it is a thick fillet in which case you’ll need to give it a couple more). Turn the pan of and let the residual heat finish the fish nice and gently
  • While the fish is resting finish the vegetables. Add the green beans to the pan and sauté for another 2 minutes, then add olives, tomato and garlic and turn heat off. Add lemon zest and parsley and toss. Check seasoning. Dress with a squeeze of lemon juice and olive oil if it needs it
  • Serve on plates or bowls or bricks or tiles (as is now the vogue), with the sautéed veg down first, drape that with a few anchovies and then top with the fillet of fish

 

 

300

300

“Give them nothing but take from them EVERYTHING!”… ummm, that may be the wrong 300. A fine moment for Gerard Butler though. A fine moment indeed.

And then I wake from my pseudo gay dream and realise I’m actually embarking on another brain to finger electromagnetic intercourse from me to you and it appears to be correspondence number 300. Once again via the keys with the letters written on them on my keyboard, a couple of clicks on the mouse that lives next door, and a short trip through the inter web super highway… and here I am. On your computer or phone or i-pad screen. But that is definitely not I in the bushes outside your bathroom window…

Since we have confirmed this is a celebratory 300 type thing, quickly go into your backyard and set off some of those illegal fireworks you got form Canberra this year. What? You were saving them for you next new years party? Are you effing kidding me? A new year comes around every year, this is a once in a life time 300th blog post. Go now… light the bloody fire works.

For blog post number 300 I shall be honouring the common man (and woman). The man (and woman… I’m not going to keep doing this but you get the picture, right) with a simple palate and a true love for food; whether it be basic or complex, cost 5 bucks or 100 of the Queens real dollars, prime wagyu beef or Asian stir fried dog. We are honouring the man who loves to eat food. He eats a meal and you know he loves it without him needing to say a word. He choses his adjectives wisely, using terms like “bloody marvellous”, “aww mate, that’s fantastic” and “restaurant quality”. His vocabulary has been cast by the harsh Australian climate and his demeanour mellowed by the bush sun… and by Christ he has seen it all. From droughts to floods to open fields to walls of cities being built up around him… Eff me. I think I may have got this post confused with my Banjo Paterson Creative Writing Class paper that is due this week.

Inadvertently, this has become an ode to my father-in-law Dr Chris (not an actual doctor, but I’m sure he will take a look for you) and all of those out there that are like him. A man who loves to eat, nay LIVES to eat, and occasionally has a go at cooking a cracking meal himself (lambs fry and bacon or corned beef fritters are his specialty). The king of dad jokes and a man who is quite happy to bring the house down as he cracks up laughing at them. He has been suggesting for a while now that some of his food should be up on your computer screen right now (which is quite possibly better then his food being high lighted on your TV screen this evening in a Today Tonight expose) and today I’m going to have to agree, so this is his moment.

Here you go Chris, don’t expect a birthday present this year…

Dr Chris’s seafood cookup of awesomeness. This shit deserves it’s own facebook page.

local snapper baked with lemon and tomato, salt and pepper squid, local king prawns, sweet potato chips for the next millenium, salad, tartare and marie rose sauce. This is not a joke!
local snapper baked with lemon and tomato, salt and pepper squid, local king prawns, sweet potato chips for the next millenium, salad, tartare and marie rose sauce. This is not a joke!

 

snapper
snapper

I did send some pics to the family, as we do around these parts, and all I got in reply is this simple message from Queenie, “Shit. The most I ever got was lambs fry and bacon!”

Suck balls Queenie!!

PS. I do realise that I snuck a dodgy little 300 post in earlier today but it was early and I wasn’t thinking clearly. This is the official foodisthebestshitever 300 post K? K.