Smoky chicken wings

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Now, I know that I harp on about the same shit on a regular basis – the glory of the cheaper cuts of meats for example – and this little spiel shall be conforming with the norm.

Today it is all about the chicken wing.

These things are the multi-lingual, bisexual, transgender, three-boobied alien who accepts cash, card, food stamps or a prize-winning root vegetable as preferred forms of payment.

You can do so many different things with chicken wings.

These things are about maximizing your dollar to flavour ratio.

These things are a decent meal from your last few bucks.

These things are not chicken breast.

These things will not help you soar like an eagle*.

These things are you feeding the crowd at your next swingers party and looking like you are directly descendant from the holiest of holies him/herself.

This is going to work well in a smoker or kettle BBQ with indirect heat.

The around the rim wing job

Wings and sauces – good times


SMOKY CHICKEN WINGS

As many or as few wings as you think you require
Your favourite chicken rub
Your favourite saucy good times

Fire up your smoker/grill and get the temp up to 160C-ish (320F). Place a couple of small chunks of smoky flavour wood on the coals to make those wings taste extra sexy.
Season wings with a little BBQ rub that makes you happy.
Place the wings on the grill however you see fit… a nice little around-the-rim pattern seems to be quite vogue right now.
The lid goes on.
Let the wings have a little smoky loving; 30-ish minutes for full wings and 20-ish minutes for wing segments, or until cooked. It is totally legit to cut one open and check that they are done though, so don’t be afraid to do that just to be sure.
Give them another little sprinkle with your BBQ rub of choice to freshen up those flavours.
Serve with BBQ sauce and hot sauce and… and… and… yeah, you get it, right?
Once you get these little babies sorted it’s time to start experimenting with different rubs and glazes and sauces and even wood flavours.
Go now, soar like an eagle with the down trodden, funny looking, little chicky wings.

* In fact, if you try to fly from a tall building after eating a bowl of these things, it is almost certain that you will fall to your death. With a little extra cash you could possibly purchase a “herbal wing substitute” that will surely help you fly**.

**Once again, may not actually help you fly.

Buffalo-esque Chicken Wings

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Buffalo wings?

Yes, buffalo-esque wings

Yes, buffalo-esque wings

So what I am doing? Well I may be getting a little drunk with my father-in-law Dr Chris (officially not a real doctor but more than willing to take a look for you)… I know you’re thinking it’s only a Tuesd… no wait, Wednesday, but I have performed all of my fatherly duties for the day; kids lunch boxes are packed up for the morning and all that shit. Oh, and did I mention Jennee (the wiffy) is away at a work conference? No? I probably didn’t, but that is mostly due to the fact that I am hitting the good end of a bottle of wine… and there may have been a few beers in there too. And please don’t tell her I am hitting the keyboard of my new MacBook*tm with greasy chicken fingers. My secret is safe with you right? Right.

So what am I lining my belly with to sort out the imminent intoxication* due to my lack of eating today (yeah that’s right. Even when you work in a professional kitchen sometimes you forget to eat…)? Bufallo-esque type chicken wings (thanks to inspiration from my friend Vincent over at vittlemonster)… seriously, any town drunk could put this together (yeah, I’m really getting back to my roots here)… well, maybe not any town drunk. I’d say it’s well out of the reach of the guy who treks into Maccas with big poo stains down the back of his pants. Or maybe they’re someone else’s pants. Anyhoo…

Dredge the wings in seasoned flour

Dredge the wings in seasoned flour

Cook the wings

Cook the wings

Make sure they are nice and awesome and then roll them through the tabasco butter

Make sure they are nice and awesome and then roll them through the tabasco butter

Eat with beetroot 'slaw and corn

Eat with beetroot ‘slaw and corn

So what do you have to do to eat buffalo-esque wings tonight?

  • Dredge a couple of kilos of chicken wings through some plain flour seasoned with salt and pepper (you’ll work the flour thing out in a minute… hopefully). Splash with oil just like you were a topless girl splashing around bubbles at the “Suds Night” at the local nightclub, and roast at 180C for 30-ish minutes
  • While they are roasting melt some butter (I think I had about 100g but I am basing that on no actual knowledge apart from the fact that it was in my hand… actually, it may have been more like 50g. Maybe not… Fuck it, just put 100g in there) and then add to it heaps of Tabasco sauce. Like a good teaspoon or so. Don’t worry, the butter is going to mellow it out heaps… hopefully
  • Once the chicken is cooked toss it in a bowl with the butter and Tabasco (the flour is now going to help suck up the coating on your chicken wing glory. You’re welcome)
  • Eat it in your face with grilled corn drizzled with the leftover butter and chicken juices, and beetroot ‘slaw (recipe follows)

Beetroot ‘slaw

  • Make ‘slaw how you would normally make except, and this is the clincher, add grated beetroot instead of carrot. That wasn’t too hard now, was it?

*may have already occurred

Five things to do with secondary cuts of meat… and the big joke the butchers played on the rest of the world

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FIVE THINGS TO DO WITH SECONDARY CUTS OF MEAT AND THE BIG JOKE BUTCHERS PLAYED ON THE REST OF THE WORLD

Secondary cuts of meat. I’m pretty sure that was a term early butchers made up to keep societies elite away from the tastiest cuts of meat. So yes, secondary cuts is a term used to describe the tastiest pieces of meat from a beast. I can hear the laughter of many an old school butcher right now, but I’m onto you little butcher man. I know your game and I know where you live so don’t eff with me.

And your local butcher (maybe not the one from coles or woollies cos they have to live in glass cages and only eat meat pies) is a great person to ask if you want more information about these cuts of meat or even other recipes. Ask him/her (yeah, girls can be butchers now too) what his/her favourite way to cook certain cuts, etc. Chances are he would’ve tried every piece of meat he sells, and if he hasn’t he is probably not an actual butcher, merely two sideshow midgets (one standing on the others shoulders) in a striped apron, posing as a butcher.

Today I’m going to talk about some of my favourite ‘secondary’ cuts and what to do with them. I will probably also engage your sense’s with witty monologue. Maybe.

How could I best describe this to the average Joe? (Not that I think anyone who reads this is ‘average’. No siree. Beautiful and unique snow flakes. The lot of you. Apart from you that is. Yeah , you know who I’m talking to). What’s the first thing that comes into my mind… tastes like yum. Yep that’s the easiest way for me to describe these bits of meat. They also enjoy being bathed for hours in a nice drop of wine, as do I, so we are automatically great friends. Read on…

Beef Brisket

From the breast of the cow, it has a nice percentage of fat rolling through it for great flavour. And don’t be a pussy, a little bit of fat is OK, and a lot of it renders down after the long cooking process that this piece of meat is going to get treated to. It can also handle big flavours cos it isn’t a blubbering little girl like the fillet.

Beef Cheeks or Beef Shin

Both are very muscular cuts of meat, so once cooked, are gelatinous and beautiful. Kinda like a lamb shank, and can be prepared quite similarly. Braised in red wine and whatever else you have in the fridge or cupboard is my favourite. If you have never tried beef cheeks, you should. They’re kinda like sex – everyone should try it at least once and if you’re lucky, you can have it a whole heap. And cheaper than a Thai lady-boy… like 3 or 4 bucks a pop…

My brother Matt has one in the oven right now, and I am bloody excited to be sucking that juicy meat back. The beef shin that is. Not the lady-boy.

Pork Hock

Another muscular cut like the shin. Whack one of those babies in the pressure cooker with whatever Asian flavours you can conjure up and I’m gonna be a happy man each and every time you do it. Jenny cooked them for dinner a couple of posts back and here’s one I cooked last week, braised with tamarind, five spice and soy… mmm… nom nom

Beef Ribs

Treat them just like pork ribs, but get your rib on for under half the price.

Lamb Breast

As the name would imply, this is the breast of the lamb. Same as the beef brisket, it has a bit of fat rolling through it. Make a stuffing out of some nice stuff that would taste good with lamb – leftover currant and pinenut pilaf, or sautéed onion and garlic with dried figs and bread crumbs. Stuff it, roll it, cook it. Yep, we’re really ‘sticking it to the man’ now. Less then a tenner for that one.

Chicken wings

The cheapest piece of meat in the world. A lot of people buy them for dog food. Are you effing kidding me? Chicken wings are the best bit of the chook. Make a simple marinade out of sweet soy sauce, chilli sauce and tomato sauce and go for gold. BBQ, pan fry or roast in the oven. Crumb or dusk them with salt and pepper flour and deep fry them. Braise them in a curry. Simply roast them with sea salt and ground white pepper and dip them in homemade mayonnaise. I need to stop. I have to go and buy some chicken wings. Seriously.

 

 

The moral of this story? Well, i clearly can’t count to five very well, and my morals are fairly loose at the best of times so let me just say this. Get in your chariot wearing your best Victorian era clothes, with Buddy Holly glasses and a ‘flying V’ guitar, and head down to your local butchers. Drink a bottle of gin on the way and see what you come back with, if in fact you come back with anything at all.