Apple cider vinaigrette and my sincerest apologies

Apple cider vinaigrette

This is a recipe that I constantly forget to give you fine folks, and for that I’m sorry. But I am giving it to you right now (Well, I’m not actually “giving it to you” right now because that would be perverted… unless it’s consensual I guess… a conversation for another time fo’ sho), and for that you should probably be pretty thankful.

Tangy, a little bit sweet and really good for putting on just about anything – leafy herby salads, potato salad, coleslaw, warm salads such as this one and yes, the use of the term “anything” does definitely include your girlfriends boobies or your boyfriends whatever thingy that a boyfriend has. You will wonder how you have come so far in life with out it… just like everyone else wonders how you have come so far in life full stop… and indeed if you could be trusted to sit the right way on a toilet seat.

This is the sort of thing you can make days, weeks or even years ahead of that “big date” with “the one”, or even permanently have on hand as it will last approximately 1 million years* in your refrigerator.

These are probably some of the most average photos I have attached to a post… And they are definitely in some really good company…


(makes heaps enough for a few salads)

¼ cup yellow mustard (or whatever mustard it is that you like)
2 tablespoons castor sugar
100ml apple cider vinegar
400ml some kind of neutral tasting oil
A pinch of salt

Slowly emulsify oil into other ingredients using a stick wizz or whisk or possibly a small branch with the leaves removed (it’s the same as that mayonnaise thing you learnt about that one time).
You could even try the ol’ put-all-of-the-ingredients-in-a-jar-and-shake-it-up trick if you’re keen.
Store that in the fridge for the rest of your life.

*Might not last quite that long. Let me know how you go.

Herby roast chicken with a really good warm salad and salsa verde

This one is a pretty good looking little dinner that would probably impress that love of your life/person of sexuality of your choosing that you are trying to convince that you would be a good sort to shack up with, and it is still easy enough for some one of your skill-set to put together… maybe… maybe not…

I made this with the love of my life in mind but the fact of the matter is that my Jennee is at work and it is just me and the smallish humans tonight, and let’s face it – they probably would’ve been heaps more impressed if I had made them burgers again.

I didn’t really think this one through properly, did I?

Not to worry.

This certainly wouldn’t be the first time.

No one ever accused me of being a smart man… or good looking… or a good lover even…

Every one always comments that I do have nice hand writing for a boy, though. They’ve always said that. That’s pretty nice, isn’t it?

Getting that salsa verde going. If you have never tried salsa verde before you are about to loose your shit
Salsa verde, apple cider vinaigrette and some other things in jars
A really nice looking chicken about to get a heap of love from the oven
That chook fresh from the chooky solarium
Those salad vegetables getting ready to join the party
It was reals good


(serves 4 – 6)

1 nicely grown chicken. You know, a chook that got to eat grass and grubs and shit
100g butter
1 handful fresh herbs – thyme, lemon thyme (you should try it), rosemary, sage and parsley, roughly chopped
Salt and pepper
Salsa verde to serve

For the salad
4 medium kipflers or Dutch cream potatoes, boiled or steamed for 15-20 minutes until just cooked, cooled and then sliced into 1cm disks (you could defo use a cooked grain, sweet potato or some extra green vegetables if you don’t do potatoes)
200g green beans, halved
1 small head of broccoli cut into florets or 1 bunch of broccolini cut in half
50g (2 handfuls) leaf and/or herb mix
50g (1 handful) sunflower sprouts or whatever sprouts you can get hold of
2-3 radish, sliced thinly
A good splash of apple cider vinaigrette to dress
Salt and pepper

Rub chicken down with butter. Sprinkle with herbs and season with salt and pepper, ensuring that you put a little in its bot bot* too.
Roast in pre heated 180C (350F) oven for 1 hour or until cooked, basting with sexy-buttery-chickeny juices (I think I just drooled a little) every 15 minutes. Remove chicken from roasting pan and rest in a warm spot, loosely covered in foil for 10-15 minutes.
Add potatoes to oven pan and return to oven for 10 minutes. Add beans and broccoli to oven pan and return to oven for another 5 minutes. Chuck (place gently) all of the roasted vegetables into a large mixing bowl, add apple cider vinaigrette, leaves, sprouts and radish and toss gently until combined.
Now is a pretty good time to carve that chicken. Or, if you’re heaps slow at carving the chicken, maybe get someone else to do that while you sort the salad.
Get a handful of the salad-y stuff onto a plate, put a bit of chicken on the side, dress that chicken with a little salsa verde and eat it the heck in your face.
That’s some damn fine chicken.

*Bot bot; bottom. Anal cavity.

Hastily Roasted Squab

roasted squab
This recipe, like many of the few I have posted over the past year or so, is of a meal I cooked a while back. After which I would have scribbled a few words and maybe a piece of the story that was to accompany it a then put it on the bench with the intention of “getting onto that really soon”.

But as with many things for me at the moment I do not “get onto that really soon”. Instead I hastily type a story which requires so little thought a piece of wood could in fact write it, and is about as funny as a poo in a bathtub.

The content thing I can handle, but the humour… well, I really thought I was funnier than that.

I used to be funnier than that didn’t I?

Fuck it. I can still cook.

Glaze them up with the smoked honey for added sex appeal
Glaze them up with the smoked honey for added sex appeal
Get that salad together while the squab are resting
Get that salad together while the squab are resting
Eat it up
Eat it up


4-8 squab, depending on the size of your squably appetite
1-2 tablespoons Big Red Rub
1-2 tablespoons butter, softened
1-2 tablespoons Blend brand smoked honey (plain ol’ honey will still do the trick)
2 cups cooked pearl barley
1 cup sauerkraut
6 medium carrots, roasted with a little oil until tender, and then cut into kinda decent chunks*
6 eshallots or baby onions, peeled and halved and roasted with the carrots*
2 spring onions or shallots, finely sliced
1 handful each parsley and mint, coarsely chopped
Salt and pepper
Apple cider vinaigrette to dress

• Rub the squab with butter and then season with salt and pepper and Big Red Rub. Get it into a lined baking dish and then into a preheated 200C oven for 15 minutes. Glaze with the smoked honey and return to oven for 10 minutes. Rest for 10 minutes before serving (save those pan juices)
• Combine salad ingredients, dress and season
• Now if you can just put it on a plate everything is going to work out fine
• Dress with reserved pan juices and get it into your face hole

Tasty little birdy
Tasty little birdy

Shit. And I just remembered I should get onto something Christmassy pretty soon too. Really soon…

*Your smart brains will tell you that it is totally feasible to put the carrots and onions in the oven at the same time as your squab and then chop it into the salad while the squab is resting

(Jamie O’s) Crunchy Fridge Salad to go with Spit Roasted Pork Belly

This was my first day off for a while and the even more brilliant thing about the allocation of my lot in life right now is that it was my first day off in a couple more than a few and we are going to be hitting up the Bunjalung National Park for a few days of camping, eating, fishing, eating, swimming, eating, relaxing and eating! There is definitely a common theme in my life. I fricking well can not wait.

Before we leave though, I just have to fire up that spit one more time. Today, my cousin Amelia is staying with us on her way to a seven week yoga instructors course in the hills behind Byron Bay. A seven week course that requires participants to abstain from the evil of meat and booze and cigarettes, so we shall fire it up in celebration of the smoky whisps and turning metal stick that can take a piece of pork, or in fact any meat, to a higher plain; the next level, if you will. Also, Amelia’s father (my Uncle Rob) has asked that I force feed her meat if necessary as he is afraid his daughter may return a brain washed hippy who is afraid of the flesh of earthly beasts.

The spinning glory that is the spit roast
The spinning glory that is the spit roast

The salad all chopped up and waiting to get it's gear on
The salad all chopped up and waiting to get it’s gear on
And then this shit hits the table
And then this shit hits the table

I am not lying to you (I figure we’ve come this far and you’re still here, no point in starting the lying now) when I say I sat and watched this thing turning for at least three hours. There is something fully therapeutical about watching a lump of meat as it dances slowly in a smoky ménage-e-trois with the big stick and the coals. What living man could deny the truth in this simplest of pleasures?

A smoky lump of pork belly that had spent hours self basting on the twirling stick over the coals would be requiring a nice crunchy salad today, methinks. Something me old mate Jamie would do for sure. I’m not going to sit here and tell you this is only going to cost “one pound, twenty eight p per portion”, but a nice piece of pork belly for the family is only going to cost you 12 or so bucks, and the salad is one of those things that you can make with all of the crunchy salad stuff in your fridge… so we’re not too far off.

The whole spit roasting thing is not something that can be easily replicated so I will let you deal with your own demons on that one. But the salad, the salad was a cracker and I will make again… and you should make it too.

Begging to get in my belly
Begging to get in my belly

I fricking loved this salad
I fricking loved this salad


1 handful or so of each julienned snow peas, green beans and granny smith apple, shredded cabbage and iceberg lettuce, sprouts, fennel, radish, etc
A few torn mint leaves, just because they were staring at me from the garden
A good splash of apple cider vinaigrette, to dress
• Mix it all together
• Eat it with some deliciously smoky, juicy and melt in the mouth awesome crazy pork, with a bit of green tomato chutney on the side

Back to my cousin, Amelia.

Amelia's hands getting dessert ready. Don't be fooled by all of that fruit… this was not a trendy new age raw fruit cake
Amelia’s hands getting dessert ready. Don’t be fooled by all of that fruit… this was not a trendy new age raw fruit cake

This is what it was. Every kids dream!
This is what it was. Every kids dream!

Although she had gained entry to our humble home under the guise of a hippy, health freak, vegan, soon-to-be yoga master, she soon presented us with a dessert that can only be described as the work of some kind of she devil who was trying to make my kids lose their shit with a highly concentrated, socially lethal dose of refined sugar straight to the brain. M & Ms, meringue, whipped cream, mango, blueberries and strawberries filled our bowls, sugar filled our brains, and Amelia filled out hearts. Awwwww.

So this is your ol’Uncle Grazza signing out for another little hiatus. See you folks on the flipside.