Smoky grilled chicken

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I really do like a good yard bird.

This is a good yardbird type experience.

A smoking hot bronzed bird splayed out in front of you… so moist and ready for the taking… it’s good times.

Euphemisms aside, if they should really ever be put aside, this is some damn tasty bird.

If you can split a whole bird down the backbone you can win this one, because the rest of it is keeping a few coals glowing and you can do that, right? Right?

This isn’t even so much a recipe as it is a little anecdote about what I made for dinner. I feel the time I am spending typing right now would be better spent explaining to you how to butterfly (spatchcock) a bird or even how to make a good chicken stock for the chicken gravy… but you know what? Yeah you know what. You know I am not going to do that because quite frankly, that is just not my style. No, I’m more of a don’t-really-care-about-what-you-reckon, unkept face hair and trucker cap kinda of guy, with maybe a bit of an air of a slight acquired brain injury from one too many stacks on my skateboard when I was younger… or was it from when attempted to form myself into a human snowball while snowboarding last month? Who knows, maybe I’m one of the lucky ones and I scored myself two ABIs… Lucky guy indeed.

Season the bird, inside and out, with your favourite bird seasoning type BBQ rub. I mix a few things together and call it “Big Red Rub”. There is a recipe for it right here. It works for me.

Let the bird hang out in the seasoning for half an hour or so while you get your BBQ fired up.

Get some coals going in your BBQ (pro Q or Weber are the sort of thing you’ll need for this job, or a grill plate over a fire with an old wok over the chicken to keep a little heat in will even do the job. I’m not even joking) exactly like you would normally get some coals going in your BBQ, and get it up to 150C (300F) ish.

Place the chicken skin side up over indirect heat and cover for 1 hour. The chicken should be looking pretty good at this stage… hopefully… I don’t know how I’m going to help you if it isn’t…

Brush the skin of the chicken with a little melted butter or olive oil and then, using two sets of tongs, carefully turn the chicken over, your goal now being to crisp up the skin a little.

The chicken can handle a little direct heat now, but it may need some turning so it doesn’t get “extra crispy” (AKA burnt), so get your comfy chair out, crack another tinny and keep a closer eye on it from here on in. Cook for another 15-20 minutes or until chicken is sexy as and juices from the leg run clear.

Carve it up and drizzle (yes, I know I would normally punch myself in the face for using the word “drizzle”, but I feel it has a place here) with smoked honey to gild the lily. Gilding the lily. Heck yeah, kid!

We served it with roasted carrot and sweet potato, braised kale, cornbread and homemade chicken gravy and I must say, it was damn well delicious.

Winner winner, smoked chicken burgers for dinner

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smoked pulled chicken burgers
This week my eldest son Seba, informed me that he thought it was about time he got the hang of smoking.

I could’ve have been concerned and demanded that he stopped hanging out with that tough crowd down the street because they were obviously leading him astray, but I was pretty confident that wasn’t the type of smoking he was talking about. You see, around foodisthebestshitever HQ the main type of smoking we talk about is the smoking of meat.

Once again I could understand how this could be misconstrued, but believe me when I say there is nothing biblical nor quick-cash-earning about this type of smoking of the meat. Also, you should just get your filthy mind out of the gutter, this is my kid we’re talking about here…

So at this point, this 10 year old product of coital union between myself (I think) and my dear wife Jennee almost has me in tears. The lad wanting to follow in the foot steps of his old man, manning the pit and feeding the hoards who desired the smoky goodness. I was damn well impressed. This was definitely a proud dad moment for me.

After a little light reading of a few of my favourite BBQ books Seba declared he thought he would like to spatchcock a bird (his words not mine) and smoke it for a few hours.

Sound idea… except the butcher was sans whole birds today, so I suggested we may need to settle for some chicken breast, possibly pulled and sauced and made into burgers.

Seba was agreeable, so we purchased said breasts and the rest, as they say, is history.

Big Red Rub, butter and breasts... sounds like my kind of party

Big Red Rub, butter and breasts… sounds like my kind of party

Smoker, Fiskars X25 block splitter, beer brewed by the Coopers family and a full watering can just because safety doesn't take a holiday

Smoker, Fiskars X25 block splitter, beer brewed by the Coopers family and a full watering can just because safety doesn’t take a holiday

Seba get's that chicken in the smoker. The task seemed pretty easy for him...

Seba get’s that chicken in the smoker. The task seemed pretty easy for him…

Seba rolling those boobies through the red butter

Seba rolling those boobies through the red butter

Starting to turn into some really sexy breasts

Starting to turn into some really sexy breasts

Loaded as fuck

Loaded as fuck


SMOKED & PULLED CHICKEN BURGERS

(serves 4)

3x 200g chicken breast (free range, yeah. Give the little chooky a half decent life at least)
1 tablespoon Big Red Rub
1 tablespoon butter
BBQ sauce
4 burger buns (I like a slightly sweet milk bun, but I’m sure what ever you choose will be fine)
Lettuce leaves, tomato, cheese, mayonnaise and sliced jalapeno to served

• Rub chicken boobs with butter and then Big Red Seasoning
• Set aside in the fridge to marinated for an hour or so
• Get your weber or upright smoker or whatever it is you use to smoke things ready to go. Somewhere around the 110-120C is the temp I like for this sort of thing
• Smoke chicken on a tray for approximately 2 hours or until cooked through. Turn the chicken and baste with juices every 30 minutes
• Rest chicken for 10 minutes
• Shred it, pull it, do your thing
• Check seasoning and adjust with salt and pepper if necessary
• Moisten chicken with 2-3 tablespoons of BBQ sauce and pile onto burger buns layered with the other ingredients. I shouldn’t need to hold your hand through this one by now, but if I do… well… I’m just not going to. Here is a picture of my 10 year old son sorting it out all by himself. That’s all

Honestly. This is Seba just rocking the "I got this pops"

Honestly. This is Seba just rocking the “I got this pops”

This was seriously one of the fucking best

This was seriously one of the fucking best

Middle Eastern inspired chicken with garlic and spices, really herby and lemony cauli-cous, roasted kipflers potatoes and citrus gravy

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IMG_5888
This was one of those dinners I set out to cook with a recipe. Yes that is correct, a recipe. Yes, even chefs use recipes believe me, but read on and you will see, as is often place in my kitchen, the whole thing can stray quickly and massively off course.

So one ingredient that was definitely happening tonight was chicken… and Jennee was really keen on cauli-cous (the blitzed faux rice or cous-cous substitute for peeps who don’t like the grain, and maybe for those amongst us who love the cauli)… and this was leading me very quickly to cooking a recipe of Middle Eastern origins.

I flicked through a few books by Greg Malouf, Yotam Ottolenghi and some other inspiring dojos of Middle Eastern cookery and found a chicken tagine recipe that was going to sort me out. I had the chicken and a few other ingredients in front of me and then bam, that’s where shit went pear shaped. One second I’m making a chicken tagine with really herby and lemony cauli-cous, next second it is chicken with garlic and spices, really herby and lemony cauli-cous, roasted kipflers potatoes and lemon and orange gravy.

No explanation – just happened. And let me tell you it’s happened before and I dare say it will happen again… damn aliens and their anal probes… um… I mean damn mind and it’s lack of ability to cognitively convey to me what the fuck it is doing.

Anyway, this is what I cooked. I’m going to call it Middle Eastern inspired chicken with garlic and spices, really herby and lemony cauli-cous, roasted kipflers potatoes and citrus gravy.

Hell of a story, I know.

I call this one "the indecision of a child of the modern world"

I call this one “the indecision of a child of the modern world”

Garlic, coriander seed, salt and pepper getting smashed

Garlic, coriander seed, salt and pepper getting smashed

That chicken getting a bit of love from the spice rub... chicken loves a good spicy rub

That chicken getting a bit of love from the spice rub… chicken loves a good spicy rub

Orange and lemons with a pretty antique filter

Orange and lemons with a pretty antique filter

Someone fill that glass would they

Someone fill that glass would they


MIDDLE EASTERN INSPIRED CHICKEN WITH GARLIC & SPICES, & CITRUS GRAVY (serves 4)

The citrus gravy was the winner on this day. It may strike you as being a little weird but heck, I think you’re a little weird and I don’t go on about it all day so maybe you should just give the citrus gravy a try.

1 whole chook (1.6-1.8kg), quartered, or 4 chicken marylands. Make it free-range ay
8 cloves garlic
1 tablespoon coriander seed
1 teaspoon each black peppercorns and sea salt
5 bay leaves
1 long red or green chilli, sliced
2 lemons, juiced
1 orange, juiced
Kipfler potatoes roasted with olives and tomato, and herby lemony cauli-cous (recipe below) to serve

• Smash garlic, coriander seed, salt and pepper and a splash of oil together with a mortar and pestle to form a rough paste. A really rough paste. A paste that is as rough as the 42 year old “lady” at the club who is still trawling the floor when the lights come on at 3am
• Place the chicken pieces into a baking dish and rub with garlic mix. Add the bay leaves to the tray
• Place into a pre heated 180-190C oven and cook for 20 minutes
• Baste with citrus juice and add chilli. Return to oven and bake for another 20 minutes or until cooked – you can pretty easily check by cutting into a piece of chicken at the joint. Do it on the under side to keep it discreet
• Pour the juice into a saucepan and reduce over a medium heat until slightly thickened and sexy looking. Check seasoning
• Serve chicken with cauli-cous, potatoes and citrus gravy, garnished with reserved herbs and you know what? Scatter a few edible flowers around the plate too, if you have some. Half a flower garden as a garnish seems to be the trend these days… and maybe a small outdoor setting and a fishpond with a few gold fish just to complete the picture…

The cauliflower cut into florets right before I cous the heck out of it

The cauliflower cut into florets right before I cous the heck out of it

Herby, lemony cauli-cous

Herby, lemony cauli-cous


REALLY HERBY & LEMONY CAULI-COUS

3-4 cups cauliflower florets (from ½ large cauliflower)
½ red onion, diced finely
1 lemon, zested
2 big handfuls of mixed herbs (parsley, basil, mint, rosemary, thyme), chopped
½ cup each pistachios and almonds, chopped
1 tablespoon light soy sauce
Seasoning

• In 2 batches pulse cauliflower florets in food processer. Pulse is the operative word here as you do not want to let the blades of your choppy choppy mixy machine loose on the cauliflower as that is going to end in a cauliflower mush and quite probably tears. Pulse it a few time to achieve a coarse texture and everyone’s going to be happy
• Combine all ingredients except herbs
• Heat a splash of oil in a wok or large pan over a high heat. Add cauliflower mix and toss/stir for a minute or two
• Toss through most of the herbs, reserving a small handful for garnishing purposes, and check seasoning
• Serve with the chicken and potatoes that you just cooked too

Get into it

Get into it


NB that cauli-cous is also cracking with a nice piece of lamb, yoghurt and tahini dressing, and some fresh pomegranate

Campfire (or possibly home oven) Chicken with Broad Beans and Bacon

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chicken with broad beans and bacon
“You may sleep like animals and smell like animals, but you shall eat like men”.

Well, I heard through a friend of mine that that is indeed what Jesus said and by jeepers I do believe I agree with that man!

I am more than happy to sleep on the floor with nothing but a rolled up old tee shirt that I had been wearing for work on the two days previous, and nary a blanket or mattress in sight, on the odd (or possibly way too oft) occasion that I’ve indulged in one too many tipples of the white man’s devil water and nodded off (passed out) on the floor while searching for my bed… which is coincidentally in the same place it has been for the last 5 years… I’m sure there should be some kind of ingrained memory thing there, but no.

I belive I told you to put coals on the top of the camp oven too...

I believe I told you to put coals on the top of the camp oven too…

That same minimal necessity sleeping theory is also applicable for camping. I will sleep on the ground (although that tune may be sung a little differently as I grow older), wear the same clothes and bath in nothing but the sweat dripping from my own pores for as many days as need be but just before I can no longer see modern civilization from the brink of Lord of the Flies syndrome I will cook up a damn fine meal that I shall devour like some kind of strange red bearded camp royalty and bam! I am human again.

Ready to bring you back from the brink of Lord of the Flies syndrome...

Ready to bring you back from the brink of Lord of the Flies syndrome…

It’s not hard to eat well while you’re camping, it really isn’t. What is hard is a brick. Bricks are very hard, but eating well while camping is not. Argue that point with me why don’t you…

Certainly no brick

Certainly no brick

Something as simple as camp oven chicken for example, can be lifted to dizzying new heights if you remember to pack a little ham stock that’s been in the freezer since last Christmas and way too many broad beans from the garden. It’s about the fore-thought – past Graz looking out for future Graz and all that. I’m certainly not implying that all of your camp meals should be like you’re staying at a five star resort, because then let’s face it – you’re going to be needing a bath robe and a little mint choccy on your pillow too and, although I am more than happy to be designated camp cook, you will not be receiving room service from me… lip service possibly, but room service definitely not. So you just get your own ass organized and pack a couple of ingredients for your tromp de monde camp dish then you are coming out on top… and in the orgy of camp cooking, on top is indeed a good place to be.

Cook it before I shoot you with my beer gun

Cook it before I shoot you with my beer gun

CAMPFIRE CHICKEN with BROAD BEANS and BACON (serves 4-6)

1x 1.6kg chicken of prime origin
3 rashers bacon
1 brown onion, diced
1 carrot, diced
3-4 cloves garlic, chopped
2-3 cups broad beans podded from what looks like way too many broad beans for you and your family but trust me, it isn’t (if you can’t get them fresh, frozen are readily available and would do the job also)
2 cups ham stock
Salt and pepper

• Saute bacon, onion, carrot and garlic in a large camp oven (dutch oven) until just starting to colour
• Add your chicken and ham stock and season that sexy beast well
• Put the lid on your camp oven and keep it on med-low coals, with a layer of coals on the lid, for 40-50 minutes
• Sweep coals off the lid and check the chook… it should be pretty close. If not, put the lid back on, cover with coals and leave for another 10 minutes. Repeat the sweeping and checking…
• Once the chicken is done add the broad beans and simmer uncovered for another 10 minutes
• Serve the chicken with bread that Jennee baked in the camp oven earlier that afternoon (not showing off or anything) and tune in to the pretty sounds of the bush at sunset
• Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh

Listen to the beautifulness

Listen to the beautifulness

Oh, and then eat some bastardised smore type thing for dessert

Oh, and then eat some bastardised smore type thing for dessert

PS this could be done in a baking dish in the oven at 180C for the same times…

It Was Going To Be Karaage Chicken But Ended Up Being Fried Chicken With Big Red Rub

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SAMSUNG CSC
This was one of those meals that morphed a little mid prep. It didn’t do a Dr Jeckle and Mr Hyde, or an angered Bruce Banner changing into that big green Gold Coast gym junkie, but it did indeed change it’s original guise, albeit ever so slightly.

This day I declared mid shift that I had a hankering for some fried chicken and when it came time to prepare the family meal for the evening, fried chicken would indeed be what I would concoct and in turn consume. I cut chicken thigh like the schoolyard taunts would cut the squeamish kid with pale skin, glasses and allergies… I pulled the potato flour from it’s home on “the flour shelf”… I got that chicken marinating in soy sauce and then I set about chopping some ginger and garlic to join it, and then I stopped. I reversed that old pick-up truck back to the fork in the road, crunched the gear box back into first and then headed down the other track, towards the old Wilson farm. Mr Wilson was in the back paddock with his collection of blue ribbon winning root vegetables when I pulled up. For an older gentleman he was surprisingly nimble… I wanted to look away but instead I looked further… it was a vision that will haunt me for ever, a sight that cannot be unseen… dear good lord.

This is where I stopped making karaage chicken and apparently my story stopped making sense.

I cracked an egg into the soy coated chicken to really give the flour something to stick to, I mixed some patented Big Red Rub in with the potato flour, dusted the hell out of the chicken pieces and then fried them up.

Real good, proper good.

The chicken was consumed with the finest crinkle cut potato chips from the freezer section of the local used-to-be-food-market, a what-we-had-in-the-fridge-salad, home made mayonnaise and hot sauce.

The kids were really, really happy with this and it was cheap and relatively easy to make (even for a person of your skill set…) so I guess you should just go and make it… do it for the kids.

#easytastygoodmidweekdinnersforthekids

I’m here to help ☺

This...

This…

To this...

To this…

To this...

To this…

To this... Yeah, really creative with the captions eh

To this… Yeah, really creative with the captions eh

REALLY GOOD FRIED CHICKEN (serves 4)

1-1.2kg chicken thigh fillets, cut into nugget sized pieces
A splash of soy
2 eggs
1.5 cups potato flour (starch)
1/3 cup Big Red Rub, or another Southern/Cajun/Creole/KFC type spice mix of your liking
Oil for deep frying
Seasoning
Home made mayo, hot sauce, fridge salad and chips, or the late edition of burger stuff, to serve

• Get your self a tasty alcoholic beverage of your choosing and relax into this one, you seriously have plenty of time
• Make some mayonnaise, get some oven chips going and make a little salad
• Combine potato flour and spice mix in a bowl big enough to fit the chicken
• Heat oil in your deep fryer or in a pot over med-high heat on the stovetop. If you’re going to do the stovetop method for the love of god keep an eye on it… I don’t want you burning down your house or tent or cardboard box and adjoining dumpster or whatever the hell it is you live in… I couldn’t handle the disappointment of having that blamed on me
• Whisk eggs, soy and a splash of water together in another bowl big enough to fit the chicken
• Get the chicken into the eggwash and then one piece at a time coat it in the seasoned flour
• Once all the chicken is coated divide it into two batches. Fry each batch for 2-3 minutes until slightly browned, and then set aside to drain on a rack or absorbent paper
• Fry chicken for a second time until golden brown and fully cooked through – probs another 2-3 minutes. Drain on a rack or absorbent paper, season and serve with the chips that should be ready by now and the other stuff
• I made this fried chicken again before I had the chance to post this and put it in between the buns like a business man in a Thai brothel. This chicken is REALLY good in a burger. I don’t use caps lock very often so you gotta know I’m serious. Try it… you know you want to…

Cheeky fried chicken for the second time in a week

Cheeky fried chicken for the second time in a week

...and the burger that I made with it. Nom nom nom

…and the burger that I made with it. Nom nom nom

Herby lemony garlic really good roast chicken

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really good sunday roast chicken
Today, I think we can all agree, is Sunday. A day synonymous with relaxing, god and the Sunday roast. I am going to help you out with a recipe for a really good roast chicken, the relaxing and god things you’re going to need to sort out for yourself. I could say it’s the best roast chicken but my tastes will sometimes change more often than my underwear (yeah, like twice a week), so I will say this was a really good roast chicken that I wanted at the time besides, I’m sure there are at least a few celebrity chefs out there who have the copy right on claims “the best ever”… wait a minute…

When I made this chicken it was Thursday. I know that Thursday is not Sunday but my face wanted roast chicken. Plain and simple, my face really just wanted roast chicken.

I had spent 10 hours in the kitchen prepping for a party we were catering for, but I really needed to spend that little bit of extra time getting a roast chook on for dinner.

I’ve told you before, my face is a needy little bitch when it decides it wants something, and this occasion was no different.

I had a few bits and pieces floating around the kitchen, so I was pretty confident… or over confident… or just pretty happy with my own abilities, that I would be able to pull this one off. And no, that is not a lead in line because as you know, once I paint a picture for you, you cannot physically un-see it. It shall be with you forever and, quite frankly I have grown to like you and I don’t think that’s anything you deserve ☺.

Load the chicken up with the herby garlic lemony goodness

Load the chicken up with the herby garlic lemony goodness

Dana is not going to be happy with this photo. Not enough day light. Well Dana, there's not enough bloody day light in the day at the moment so this is all I got

Dana is not going to be happy with this photo. Not enough day light. Well Dana, there’s not enough bloody day light in the day at the moment so this is all I got


HERBY LEMONY GARLICY REALLY GOOD ROAST CHICKEN (Serves 4 or so)

1 chook, chicken, buk buk burguuuuk. Free range. We all use free range now right? Size 16 is good
5 cloves garlic, smashed roughly
¼ preserved lemon, flesh removed, chopped
1 handful each fresh thyme and tarragon
1 teaspoon coriander seed, crushed
Salt and pepper
1 tablespoon olive oil or pork fat

• Combine all ingredients except chicken in a bowl and rub them together a little
• Put the chicken into a baking dish
• Pour the herb mix over the chicken and rub them a little more. Massage it a little and get it into all the little nooks and crannies. Yes, even into the chooks bottom
• Roast at 180-200C for about an hour, basting with the pan juices a couple of times during the process
• Check the chicken is cooked by gently pulling the leg away from the body
• Rest chicken for 10-15 minutes
• Carve and eat it with the roasting juices salsa verde for a little something different. I’ll tell you all about salsa verde very soon my friends

Mojo Chicken (or Christmas Ham… you still have time) with Pina Colada Salsa

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mojo chicken or christmas ham
First, a side note if you will entertain the notion; Please be aware that I have not been sleeping heaps lately due to the large body of people who have massed in this area like bugs around one of those fluro zapper lights, and are clearly all starving. Famished. Haven’t eaten nary as much as a small crumb for days.

We are at the mercy of these consumers… or should that be customers?

This is not the industry to enter if you are looking for a lazy holiday season. I work and then I work some more and then I sleep… and that shit is well and truly on repeat. When I wake up it feels like the Acme Concrete Co. has dumped a load of it’s finest in the corner of my eyes. I noticed an SES (State Emergency Service) recovery helicopter circling yesterday morning trying to spot survivors in the rubble. They sent in goddam sniffer dogs! Sniffer dogs!

Needless to say, this past week has not been jam packed with the most comprehendible moments of my life. So when I wrote this little number I thought I was doing a great job… or at least OK, until I re-read it and realised I seem to have written it in point form. I can’t change it, I don’t know how.

Grill that chook on some nice low coals...

Grill that chook on some nice low coals…


Yes, we’re back to the salsa thing. I told you already that summer is all about the salsa for me… well, that and the all the cooling off and rehydrating that needs to be done. Just in case you are simple, cooling off and rehydrating if definitely code for something.

I am so into this salsa thing I am actually considering enrolling for salsa dancing lessons just so there is more salsa in my life… and for a chance to finally meet Paul Mercurio. What a guy…

As I was pondering the whole salsa thing I came across a recipe for mojo chicken. I was multi-tasking the hell out of life as I pondered and trawled the interweb at the same time.

Right about now is when I feel like getting my salsa on (either definition of the word would work here)

Right about now is when I feel like getting my salsa on (either definition of the word would work here)


Please remember that a good salsa will spice up your dinner table like a good salsa would spice up a boys weekend away. Just to clear it up for you (and me too), the second salsa would be referring to the dance and it should also be made clear that you will probably want to pay a young lady dressed as some kind of scantily clad Penelope Cruz type character (or just Penelope Cruz I guess) to do the salsa, and not go for the not-very-sexy rendition of the salsa as performed by one of your drunken mates.

I will be doing a mojo ham this Christmas. That makes me excited. I am also excited by hot wax and vacuum attachments but I don’t think we need to get into that right now.

That's the first incarnation of the Pina Colada salsa at the top. It was a little chunky and has been refined as we have eaten this exact same meal again since… it's just that I forgot to get photos… or just didn't take photos… or was too tipsy to be able to take photos

That’s the first incarnation of the Pina Colada salsa at the top. It was a little chunky and has been refined as we have eaten this exact same meal again since… it’s just that I forgot to get photos… or just didn’t take photos… or was too tipsy to be able to take photos

MOJO CHICKEN (serves 6-8)

2kg chicken marylands/ pieces
½ cup fresh orange juice, plus the zest of 1 orange
¼ cup fresh lime juice, plus the zest of 1 lime
4 cloves garlic, crushed
2 teaspoons dried oregano
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon chilli flakes
A splash of olive oil
Seasoning

• This is really good cooked over med-low coals for 30 minutes or so, turning regularly and basting with remaining marinade
• If have neither fire nor technology needed to cook on it a hot oven will do the trick. 200C for 30 minutes, baste, turn etc

PINA COLADA SALSA

½ medium fresh pineapple, diced (you need 2 cups or so of diced pineapple)
2 shallots or ½ red onion, diced
¼ cup shredded coconut
¼ cup coconut cream
½ long green chilli, deseeded and diced finely
10-12 mint leaves, chiffonade
A pinch of brown sugar
A splash of rum if you feel like getting real
½ – 1 lime, juiced
Seasoning

• Combine all ingredients in a food processer and pulse twice for a second or two to break it up just a touch
• If you don’t have a food processer you should go to the shop and buy one. Alternately you can dice everything nice and finely, and then mix thoroughly to combine
• Allow salsa to sit for ten minutes or so before serving so all of the ingredients can get to know each other properly
• Get that puppy on the chicken… or some prawns, a piece of pork or Christmas ham
• Thank me later

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