beef ribs in the smoker

Beef ribs in the smoker are really good.

I really don’t know what else to add.

Good thanks.

Beef ribs after an hour or so…
These go great guns in a bullet style smoker.


BEEF RIBS

(For a gathering of the hungry man’s club.)

2x racks beef short ribs (approx 1.5 kg each)
Beef seasoning (recipe follows)
Rocking chair

Get your BBQ up to 125 C (250 F). Add a little cherry or pecan for extra flavour if you’re keen.
To the best of your ability, remove the membrane from the bottom of the ribs and trim any excess fat and silver skin from the top of the ribs.
Coat the ribs well with the seasoning.
Get the ribs into your smoker, making sure you keep a fairly constant-ish 125 C (250 F).
After 3 hours the ribs should have a nice bit of colour. This is when I like to wrap (no, Vanilla Ice will not be blaring on my Spotify. Please, try to pay attention).
Remove the ribs and wrap it with peach paper (butcher’s paper) or alfoil. Return to the smoker for another 2-3 hours or until the thickest part of the ribs probe like butter. If you are actually using a temperature probe the should be sitting around 92 – 95 C (200 F) or so.
When ribs are good to go, remove from BBQ and rest in a warm spot for 15 – 20 minutes.
Get some sides together, carve them up and get it into your face.


BEEF SEASONING

2 tablespoons each cooking salt, cracked black pepper and garlic granules

This is a good base for making and developing your own beef rub. Start with the quantities here and adjust to your personal preference – if you like it more peppery add more pepper. Or if you don’t like so much garlic, take a little out. If you like chilli or thyme, you can certainly put a little of that in there too. It’s pretty simple.
Also, don’t be tempted to use ground black pepper as it needs a little texture and coarseness.
Also also, garlic flakes are too big and garlic powder is too fine for me. Garlic granules are just right. See above.
Also also also, cooking salt is perfect. See above.
The rub is great for brisket, ribs, steak, burgers, lamb, roast vegetables and whatever else you want to put it on.

Now is the time to eat them.
Almost an instructional video

Smoked beef ribs with BBQ sauce and paper towel

smoked beef ribs
This is another very effing worthy addition to the monthly meeting of “the Hungry Mens Club”, or indeed “the Really Attractive Gnawing Meat From The Bone Ladies Club”.

The method employed is not going to decrease any amount of jobless percentages or ensure victory for the local candidate running for election, but is in fact the exact same method used for the smoked brisket you can find right here. The time the meat spends unwrapped in the smoke is reduced by roughly 1 hour and then the time wrapped is reduced by around about the hour mark too.

I doused the shit outta this mofo with this BBQ sauce after it had rested for 1 hour, sliced it into Fred Flinstone looking chunks and five minutes later I found myself laying in a pool of my own body sweat and BBQ sauce with a very contented grin on my face… very contented indeed.

Unwrap those bad boys after a good smoking and then a little rest
Unwrap those bad boys after a good smoking and then a little rest

That is some really saucy shit right there
That is some really saucy shit right there

Textbook
Textbook

Oh dear good lord, get in my face
Oh dear good lord, get in my face

Hand towel is advised for this and other meat/bone type activities
Hand towel is advised for this and other meat/bone type activities

You’re welcome.

Another day, another cook-off part 2

It was all about the beef ribs for me...
It was all about the beef ribs for me…

The dishes of Grazza McFilthy Mouth

So, as I previously promised you fine folks (hell yeah I’m talking to you) that I would post recipes for the dishes we cooked in our now legendary cook-off this week, I feel somewhat obliged to actually come through with the goods. I will put myself under un-necessary pressure to get this to the screen in front of you (or possibly behind you if you are a strange troupe of carnival folk who reside illegally in a crazy House of Mirrors and have subsequently taught yourselves to read back-to-front and upside-down) so you may read it now. Damn my inner decent human. Damn his britches…

Prawns with capsicum and feta
Prawns with capsicum and feta

VENEZUALA – braised capsicum, chilli, prawns and feta
I got hold of some super looking king prawns or shrimp or whatever the rest of the world calls them, and they made the dish. It was a very tasty combo but not quite good enough to woo a podium appearance from the judges… I pretty much followed this recipe here, except I used red and green capsicums, which was a course of action that probably made my dish very un-traditional. I don’t care; it was damn tasty, which works for me.

Lamb kabouli
Lamb kabouli

OMAN – lamb kabouli
This dish is good. So good in fact, they gave it a special name all of it’s own; the lamb kabouli. I used this recipe right here and it worked fine for me. The Omani spice mix was a cracker, aromatic with cardamom, cumin and coriander, a bit of heat from the cayenne and a nice sharp hit from the vinegar. I didn’t have any rose water though, so I didn’t use the required ½ cup… I could not have forced myself to put that much rose water in anyhow… maybe that’s why this dish didn’t win me the gold either.

MEXICO – grilled beef short ribs, mole sauce, charred salsa picante
This was going to win it for me for sure. This was bringing home the gold like an old Ford pick-up truck with a full load of boarder jumpers heading to the U S of A. There wasn’t a chance in hell this was not going to win… except that it didn’t. Whatever. It still won it my eyes… I was like the mother of a red-headed child… my little baby was always winning in my eyes… my darling baby. More on the winning dish later…

Beef ribs getting saucy
Beef ribs getting saucy

Ah, those ribs
Ah, those ribs

BEEF RIBS WITH MOLE SAUCE (for 4)
1.5kg beef short ribs
1 cinnamon quill
80g mexican chocolate (if you can’t get hold of it use 40g dark chocolate or a tablespoon of dutch cocoa)
2x 400g tin diced tomatoes

the paste
2 corn tortilla, grilled or roasted with a little oil until brown
80g raisins or sultanas
80g almonds, roasted
¼ cup pepitas, roasted
1 tablespoon sesame seeds, roasted
1 tablespoon coriander seed, roasted and ground
4 cloves, ground
4 cloves garlic
2-4 dried long red chillis (depending on how hot you like it), soaked in hot water for 20 minutes
½ cup water from the pot you simmered the ribs in
• Simmer the beef ribs in a pot of water for 2 hours or until they are tender
• Blitz ingredients for almond paste until it nice and pasty like your chefs’ tan
• Fry paste off in a little oil until you are starting to detect delicious aromas with your nose. Yep. I’m afraid I’ve put your nose in charge of this one
• Add all other ingredients and chuck some salt and pepper in there too.
• Simmer for 30 minutes, stirring regularly so the fruit and nuts don’t burn
• Check seasoning and adjust if neccessary
• Baste the ribs with the sauce and roast at 180C for 15-20 minutes, until they are starting to caramelise and look sexy
• Serve with extra sauce, rice, warm tortillas, salsa picante (recipe below), coriander and lime

SALSA PICANTE
4 ripe tomatoes, charred over a flame until they start to blacken and blister
1 eshallot or half a red onion, bruniose
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 pickled jalepeno chilli, chopped
1 tablespoon of the jalepeno vinegar
a small handful of coriander, chopped
seasoning
• Peel the blackened skin from the tomatoes
• Put everything into a food proccesser and pulse into a chunky salsa type thing

Another day, another cook-off

Another day, another cook-off

That’s right, another cook-off in our humble home. Something different, right?

Although a good cook-off may be a regular occurrence around these here parts, we have altered the terms with a slight global twist. Or quite literally a twist of the globe. Yes, I had another brilliant idea; we would close our eyes and spin the globe, placing our finger down on said globe to indicate the country we would be looking to for inspiration for a dish. One of a final three dishes that each team would be bringing to the table.

And the teams?

Well team Cootes would be made up of the stalwart of the local home cook-off scene, Jennee Cootes, and a ring in in the form of Jennee’s cousin, Sarah, who was passing through on her way from Sydney to Brisbane… and hella keen on a good feed. This girl was proper keen. Keen like the mustard. Keen like Geoffrey. Keen like some other really keen things.

Team Stockdale was looking a little lean on this day, and that is not purely because I have been steering away from the lusher side of eating. It was almost wholly due to the fact that I don’t have too many friends owing to my fascination with all things carnie… what can I say? I really enjoy rubbing myself down with a good fistful of the little suckers and because of this a lot of people say I smell offensive. Whatever general populous.

From lunchtime we were furiously prepping and cooking and we taunted each other as we went. “What does it look like?” I would say. “It looks like victory, doesn’t it?” or; “Smell that. Smells like success doesn’t it” and even; “Taste that. Tastes just like superiority doesn’t it?” They rebutted with some not so witty comments so I’ll do them a favour and leave it out… it’s the least I could do.

Win or lose, this was going to be a cook-off to remember…

I don't know what the hell is going on here
I don’t know what the hell is going on here

Team Cootes went in hard and it became immediately obvious that Sarah had a clear advantage; she was “piss fit”*, and Jennee and I were not. The previous night she had sneakily enticed Jennee and I into a game of “drink every bit of booze we have in the house”. Cheeky little girl. So the next day, coming into the challenge, she was fine, I was a little shady and Jennee, well Jennee was an effing hilarious little story all of her very own. She was in a bad way. She was disheveled, simpled and allergic to the brightness of the sun all in one. I taunted her and asked her things that were clearly too hard for her to answer at the time; “Where are you going? What are you doing? What is your name?” It was all just too hard…

Lamb kabouli
Lamb kabouli

Empanadas with chimmichurri
Empanadas with chimmichurri

The coconut custard dessert
The coconut custard dessert

To the food!

Team Stockdale drew the following… and clearly not the previous
Oman and it’s lamb kabouli
Mexico and smoked beef short ribs, mole sauce, charred tomato salsa picante
Venezaula and braised capsicums with prawns

Team Cootes
Papua New Guinea and new age take on some local flavours with fried coconut custard, banana ice cream, popped black rice and tamarind caramel
Brazil and chicken empanadas with chimmichurri
Madagascar and a green papaya and pineapple salad… I know. Get fucked eh?

At the end of the day we had cooked our asses off (some did more drinking than cooking) and all created some damn fine dishes, everyone of them well and truly edible, but there could be only one winner… unfortunately for the good name of the competition, the children were either coerced or bribed into a selected opinion and the voting in general was clouded by controversy a la the Western Australian state elections, so we will be recalling all voters and conducting a recount and it will most likely be months before the results can be announced…

Sorry is all I can say.

Recipes will follow shortly…

*piss fit. We trained in the art of drinking alcoholic beverages. Able to consume a lot of booze without being totally trash-bagged

Ribbed for your comfort

Ribbed for your comfort

No I am not endorsing a new range of special condoms with the slogan “guaranteed to make her reach climax in half the time”, because;

a. I know for a fact that is still going to be a full days work for a lot of you

b. I’m just not going to, and

c. Nobody asked me to…

But that’s OK. Do you know why? Probably not considering you are not a clairvoyant mind reader who knows my every thought and action. I saw her at the local show and I know she was not you. Strange looking woman. Had lots of small monkeys. Smelled like swamp. Worse 3 bucks I ever spent… No, I will tell you why; because I have beef ribs. Not like beef ribs in place of my own normal human ribs, that would look plain silly. I would be some kind of freakish half man half cow type thing straight from the set of Narnia, and would have to finally find my true lot in life beside my new wife and best friend, Sally, the swampy smelling clairvoyant with the monkeys. What a beautiful family we would have. Laughing, singing, poking fun at the people driving by in their steel chariots…

Well off point again.

Beef ribs. Actual beef ribs. Large ribs that once belonged to a cow, which was dispatched to another place so that Scotty the butcher may cut off it’s ribs for me, to grill and eat with my favourite of green sauces, the chimmichurri.

In a slight precursor to the recipe I am about to give you, it was day two of Paul and Laurens visit last week (see these posts to get your ass up to date with what I speak of). Day two of the foodisthebestshitever reunion got cracking at a decidedly slowly pace than day one. We were definitely following more of a “keep it simple theme”.

Pauly and Lauren went breakfast in Lismore but, upon realizing that our favourite, Palate at the Gallery, was closed they walked the streets like so many before them, quickly realizing this was no gourmet breakfast mecca. They got cosy at a not very nice place called Café Cappello. Pauly recounted a story of his breakfast possibly being cooked by a giant mother bird in an apron, as the sausage appeared to have been chewed up and regurgitated onto the plate. We laughed at that anecdote. Paul truly has a way with his words. They also said their coffee was unpalatable, and that nasty hangover thing was really starting to kick in. They found “the Pie Cart” which, with its selection of a lot of pies, almost made things better. Almost. Then it was a quick walk through a few of L-Smores dodgier back alleys and they were back at the car… and quickly heading back to the sanctuary of our country fortress.

Soon enough it was time for a drink.

Aaaah, that’s better…

This is how Paul says grace
This is how Paul says grace

That night I cooked a lamb shoulder on the coals with some sweet potatoes and other thing. Things which, when combined with a pile of brown rice and a good splash of the leftover chimmichurri, made a surprisingly good salad. While Paul and I were at the butcher acquiring said lamb shoulder I noticed he had just sawn the rib bones from a big fat rib eye. I looked at Paul, admittedly I got lost in his eyes for a moment, then I said “shall we get those”. He looked to where I gestured. “Yes”, he said. “Yes we should”. Scotty the butcher chucked them in for free. Legend.

You remember our old friend the chiminea
You remember our old friend the chiminea

Lamby about to be wrapped with a pile of herbs from the garden
Lamby about to be wrapped with a pile of herbs from the garden

Oh lamb how I love thee
Oh lamb how I love thee

Charred vegetables
Charred vegetables

Peel the charred bits off the vegetables, add some brown rice and chimmichurri and fuck yes. You have a cracking salad
Peel the charred bits off the vegetables, add some brown rice and chimmichurri and fuck yes. You have a cracking salad

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Still feeling the lamby love
Still feeling the lamby love

Lamby with sauteed spinac from the garden. Paul commented that he really liked the spinach
Lamby with sauteed spinach from the garden. Paul commented that he really liked the spinach

The rest, as they say, is history. We cooked, we drank, we laughed and we certainly loved the company of Paul and Lauren for those few days…

Marinate the ribs
Marinate the ribs

Damn they look good
Damn they look good. That could be another capriosca getting made in the back ground

I'm feeling the comfort
I’m feeling the comfort

Oh, and you need a recipe for those ribs right? Pretty simple actually, I would only suggest not playing with this one if you are actually blind because of the fire thing, but I guess if you’re blind you’re not going to be reading this one anyway…

  1. Get beef ribs
  2. Marinate in a little chilli and garlic
  3. Season
  4. Grill gently (yeah, caress them. Make them feel sexy) over the coals for 45 minutes, turning regularly. A webber would do a cracking job right now
  5. Rest for five minutes
  6. Douse with chimmichurri (recipe here) and stand up and eat them at the cutting board. Get messy and suck those bad boys dry!

My lack of recent posts is definitely relative to the arrival of “the duckman”

I know I haven’t posted anything for a week or quite possibly longer… or maybe even less… I couldn’t actually be 100% sure. But there is a valid and just reason for my absence; drinking. I’m not talking about performing the task we all need to complete to keep our body hydrated and there fore survive. No. I’m talking about drinking. The same drinking that has been the ruin of many a man through out the annuals of history. The same drinking that has caused great wars, helped create great pieces of art, caused a billion white trash children and inspired great self confidence for the ugly man for centuries gone by (and maybe even a bit of false vision for that girl he’s trying to chat up).

Just drinking. Drinking and barely hanging on to the love of my beautiful wife. Who I might add is still here, so maybe she still holds some kind of interest in what I do and there fore may still be reading this crap I write, so I figure this is pretty much an apology. All good? All good…

Now I shall need to digress a little just to make sure we’re all up to date on what’s going on. Which clearly means I need to check to make sure I’m up to date on what’s going on. It’s been a big week.

“AJ the duckman”

Anyone who has been following this blog for a while (although the role call of followers around here is not dissimilar to that at an aged care home. I’m not saying that you’re all old and senile and possibly share a love of crocheting blankets for orphaned bridge trolls in Slovakia, I’m just saying that followers come and go ‘round these parts… they come and go) would know of the man we called “AJ the duckman”.

“AJ the duckman” received small time notoriety on these pages through our late night drunken market cook ups… and a special night he spent with one stupid duck!

A year ago he packed up his ducks and left for Australia’s top end. Chasing the sun and a chance to possibly bag himself a real live barramundi. With nary a tear or a glance backwards he left us. Our weekly duck feasts became a thing of folk tales and mutterings of toothless old carnies. Just like that, the duckman was gone.

Until now.

The druids had foreseen the return of this man in the still beating heart of a 52 year old ox… that ox died for a reason that night, only to be reborn the next day as a small river trout named Geoffery. Life works in mysterious ways…

So the duckman has returned. For the last week or so he has been staying with us, slowly working away at the nerves of my good wife and tempting me into the perils of the white mans devil water. He has been supporting the local publican and quite possibly handed him enough cash to put his first born through a tertiary education (as long as it’s a back end, second rate sort of agricultural college that is. Not one of the top end universities). So we drank, but also we ate. A weeks worth of drunken cook ups later and here you go. Some were great, others just good, but all enjoyed with great company and many beverages, and then re-enjoyed through hundreds of blurry assed photos on our new camera!!

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Ceramic R2D2 holds heat and smoke…

Smoky beef ribs
… and smoky beef ribs

Left over beef rib stir fried with eggplant and bean sprouts. Absolute cracker!
Left over beef rib stir fried with eggplant and bean sprouts. Absolute cracker!

This was a win for left overs
This was a win for left overs

Braised pork hock with duck and smoked chicken
Braised pork hock with duck and smoked chicken…

Pickled beetroot salad
Pickled beetroot salad…

Put them both together and voila
Put them both together and voila. A win for the common man

Nimbin Valley Dairy's blue cow. Not an actual cow but a damn fine blue cheese if you can ever get hold of it!
Nimbin Valley Dairy’s blue cow. Not an actual cow but a damn fine blue cheese if you can ever get hold of it!

Proof that it is an actual cheese
Proof that it is an actual cheese. Still winning

AJ is a drunken fool. Hehehe
AJ is a drunken fool. Heheheh. The kid is pumped!!

Beef rib eye roast with pretty carrots that AJ made
Beef rib eye roast with pretty carrots that AJ made

Cauliflower and broccoli gratin
Cauliflower and broccoli gratin

...and some yorkshire pud
…and some yorkshire pud

Add some red wine gravy and it ready for my belly. See the pretty little carrots AJ made
…add some red wine gravy and it’s ready for my belly. See the pretty little carrots AJ made

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Duck is good. These marylands were roasted at 180C for 2 hours, basted regularly with their own rendered fat and juices. Eff yes!

And that, my friends, is that… I think. I shall knock up a recipe or two in the not too distant future…